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Question about Bipolar Boyfriend

Hello, I was with my boyfriend for 3 years who is bipolar. During the relationship he was jealous, controlling, and always accusing me of sleeping around. I stayed because he was not like that all the time and I wanted to understand Bipolar more so that I could understand him more. He abandoned the relationship in April and came back 2 weeks later having joined the Army. He's 43 and this is his 3rd time in the Army. He was in the reserves when we met but got out b/c he said he didn't want to be in the Army anymore. He said he lied on his app that he did not have bipolar, but he has been treated at several va's for it. The last time, was right before he joined again. His rank is E4.

He got stationed in texas about 2 months ago and asked me to marry him then. I said yes if he would go to counseling, get back on his meds, and work on any other issues he's having. He said he would, but that he wanted to marry me before he left for Iraq in February. So I got a dress and started making plans to go to there to marry him. Meanwhile, I noticed his mood started changing and he said re-enlisting had been a big mistake and that he wanted out of the Army again. He had a crack problem before we met, but says Army stresses is making him smoke it again. First in July and then last month.

I called off the wedding due to the crack smoking and he said he knew he had problems, but that he didn't to lose me, and to please reconsider marrying him. He said he wanted and needed me to come down to Texas. I told him I didn't want drugs in our future and asked him what was he going to do. He said he'd get help on that too. He kept asking about the wedding, so I told him that I would come see him and pack my dress just in case. We had several conversations over the next few days, but they were filled with tension and I kept trying to cheer him up. He said he was trying to think of a way out of the Army on a medical discharge, going awol, or letting them find drugs in his system. Then he just sent a text saying he wasn't going to do anything and that he wanted out for good. I thought he was talking about the Army so I called later that night and didn't get any answer. I tried calling a few more times, but it's been over 2 weeks now and I haven't heard a thing.

I was going to go to Texas w/in days of him just shutting me out and I'm so heartbroken all over again. I don't know if he's in a depression, was just playing mind games or what. We were living together and shared an email account. Geico sent an email saying his insurance is about to be canceled and I'm shocked to know he may not be even paying his bills. Could he be in a depression? I want to reach out to him but I'm afraid of getting rejected again. I am taking the steps to move on with my life, but I wanted to know what others thought of the situation. I would appreciate any thoughts you're willing to share with me. Thank you so much, Tamara
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replied September 23rd, 2008
is he medicated? bipolar + drugs + unmedicated = BAD. I just ended a relationship of almost a year. He was unmedicated and did coke. It was horrible. I wanted to be there for him but I just had to let him go for my own sanity. I mean, there were good times, and he could be very loving or I wouldn't have tried. But the bad times were bad bad. He has stolen from me, broke and vandalized my things and said things to me that no one has ever said. I made bipolar an excuse but if they aren't responsible enough to manage it then you can't make excuses. I say walk away from it.
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Users who thank aimeetal for this post: LittleFinger 

replied September 25th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I know this situation must be very difficult to deal with. Your bf is not stable. He needs to consult with his doctor and report everything that is going on with him. Unfortunately you can not make him do this. It is the right of the patient to refuse treatment thus nobody can force him to take medication or go to therapy. He is self medicating with the street drugs and this only further complicates treatment for him. Unless he becomes a danger to himself or others he can not be forced into treatment. His behaviors follow a pattern that is common to people with bipolar disorder and remain untreated. As for what you can do, it is limited. You can offer support and can be there for him as much as he will allow it. At some point you may want to consider self preservation. His life has derailed and it is a train wreck. You don't have to be a part of that chaos. Unless he seeks treatment his life is likely to remain chaotic and full of disruption and turmoil. You need to decide if that is what you want. If not you need to find your peace and walk away.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: LittleFinger 

replied July 24th, 2009
ok im having HUGE troubles. My ex boyfriend is extremely bi polar and has really terrible trust and anger issues. I absolutely love him to death but i have some issues too. Im really werird about certain things like wearing a bikini to the beach because im WICKED self cautious. I have very low self esteem and it makes me very weird. However, at the beginning of our relationship, he said these things were not a problem and we could work on them and it would be ok... as time went on i ended up pregnant and we had to tell our parents. I got an abortion and he resented me for that. But, i couldve died or it couldve died if i had it because of the meds i am on for panic attacks also, im only 16! so anyway soon after that our relationship took a bad turn... he because VERY mean and controlling. he would break up with me over the littlest things almost every day and i would always beg for him back. After all the evil, terrible mean things he said, he always came back and said i had "one more chance" of course there were a MILLION chances because once we hung out thing sgot amazing. we have so much fun when were together and we are so incredibly in love when were together. he would apologize and tell me not to listen to him when hes mad and to never let him go, so i continued fighting for him everytime he left. Well soon his emotional abuse led to my physical abuse i began getting so angry that i would attack him and hit him non stop im a girl so it did pretty much no damage but i still felT AWEFUL and had no idea what was provoking these angry spells that were so not me! i also cut my wrist in front of him once because he broke up with me and i cut other times to make him feel bad... im very suicidal without him and i have become like obsessed with being with him and devoted to him. He controlled everything; what i wore and who i talked to, different things like that. I know it's bad but i stayed... and when he got mad he always threatened me with otehr girls and even onmce texted his ex gf i NEVER did anything like that... so now something really big had happened. the other night we went out for dinner and a movie and it was great. he kept telling me how beautiful i was and how much he adored me. it was so nice! then at the end of the night as we were walking in the parking lot he proceeded to pick me up and start carrying me all the way to the car. now of course this is a weird thing about me, i dont like to be picked up in public because it draws attention so i freaked out at him begging to be put down and completely flipped! when we got to the car he told me he was sick of my weird qualities and wanted a girl he could be comfortabel with. well ok i understand being like why couldnt you let me pick you up hun? but dumping me, over that! after we had a baby togheter and have a nine month serious realtionship?!?!? i was shocked but assumed it was another weird thing where ghe would get over it by the end of the car ride. but it got worse he ignored me and i started having a meltdown and it turnd into anger and thats when i hit his arm while he was driving... he told me im a nutcase pyscho and could have killed us.... then i begged him to pull over i hugged him and begged him not to leave me and he started saying things like i dont want you so i got so sick and ran out of the car and began puking up blood. he came out and immediately comforted me. he held me and told mehe was sorry and everything was ok it took alot to calm me down and i even askerd him are you faking this are you gonna leave me when im calm? and he was like no baby! then he started touching me sexually and getting off and actually came... like i was crying and upset and he did that? it was very weird but i didnt say anything. then i said you can pick me up now and he did and i was calm and we had a good moment and he dropped me at home. that night everything was good he was sweet and nice and in love with me again... or so i thought. the next day we barely talked but i noticed soemthing weird when he wouldnt say i lvoe you on the phone because he was in front of people? that was odd... but i let it go. i aske dhim what he was doiong and he said hanging out with james... i said ok. then later that night we had a tiny argument about whetehr ghosts are real or not? hah. then he was like by the way i went to the beach today with this couple and a girl. (i begged him not to go the night before and he promised he wouldntt do that to me). i freaked out and was like were over and he was like ok.... that was weird he didnt even apologize or anything so i was like is this what you want/ and then he said yes it is i did all this just to get rid of you because i knew there was no otehr way. and i said so last night was fake? he was like ya youre a crazy weird !**@! i dont want you. so i ended up in the hospital that night because i was going to kill mysef... i figured the next day things owuld be better but we didnt talk all day and finally i texted him this big thing about how much i love him and wanna be with him he texted back something weird and then said i sholdnt have talked goodbye and wouldnt talk to me all night even though i called and texted cuontless today, same thing, when he finally answered he was liek lsiten were over ok have a good life goodbye i dont want you and im like john . he then called my dad and said i wouldnt stop calling so my dad shut off my phone service and now im texting him and calling him through aim askinghim if i can have another chance... he wont talk to me... and the thing is... hes leaving soon to basic training because hes entering the air force. we planned to stay togehter through that. but i feel like hes trying to leave me bvecause hes scared of the future and what will happen when hes gone... things are always bad when were not togehter so i dont blame him... anyway.... i love him to death and i need help getting him back... hes very bipolar so im not sure whats going on with him all i know is he claims to be hanging out with other girls and ive spent the last two days crying in my bed i havetn eaten or slept and im a WRECK a complete WRECK. my parents hate him more than anything and hate me for being sad. all i know is i need this boy and i know he lvoes me... what do i do to get him back... HELP Sad
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