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pressure of studies on me and no one is there to understand

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I am very stressed as I am alone. There is a lot of pressure of studies on me. My parents are not that much cooperative as they used to be. I don't have any friends as everyone is jealous of me for being a good student of my class. I had only one friend who has recently left the school and now I am not able to contact her as she is not allowed to use a phone even. Now I feel completely alone and have no one to talk to and no one is there to understand me. She used to be always there and now it's all gone. My parents don't get along well with each other also and I get depressed when I see so much chaos and bad things around me. Due to this I am not able to study also which I do like but when I am not pressurised. I have been in this condition since last 3 4 months and I have tried to tell my cousins my parents about this feeling but they take it for granted. Sometimes suicidal thoughts also came to me but my friend once told me not to do it as she had been through this & is wasteful.

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replied June 21st, 2016
Anxiety and Stress Answer A57711

It seems multiple life events have piled up and you are finding it a bit difficult to manage them well all alone. It certainly helps to have a close friend or a confidante in such a situation. I do understand you may not have anyone right now.

Can you organize your challenges and list them by priority / importance? Here’s a list of the current challenges as per their urgency and importance, as an example.
1) Studies
2) Being alone/ missing the company of your friend who left school
3) Parents not getting along well with each other
4) Parents not being cooperative with you
5) Occasional thoughts of suicide (?)

If this looks good to you, why not start with one thing at a time and keep others aside for a while, with the knowledge that you do possess innate ability meet with challenges!

Find someone you can study with regularly. You may not necessarily connect emotionally with him / her, but as long as studies are getting done, it’s fruitful. If you would like to study alone, you may have to be strict with your time table. I do understand that it’s tough focusing on studies in the circumstances you have to face. But when you can’t change the circumstances, you are forced to modify your approach. Actively seek newer ways of studying, “in spite” of the chaos at home. To say “I am not able to study due to the chaos” is holding a rigid belief that studies can happen only when there’s no disturbance around. Rigid beliefs do not help a lot.

A close friend going away and losing any contact can become a constant source of emotional disturbance. However, it is vital to know that it’s not the event that creates sadness, but what we think about the event that leads to disturbances in the mind. Please explore your thoughts about your friend not being there with you now. Can you start your life again without her? Can you figure out your unique identity, separate from the one you had when you were able to interact with her? Is it possible that you may be able to carry on all your activities without her being there to share your thoughts and feelings with?

Think about these and similar questions and find out what answers come in.

I would be able to give more inputs if you can describe in more detail, your thoughts about being alone, losing your close friends contact, having uncooperative parents and the pressure of studies. It may not be possible to discuss everything in detail, but we can certainly identify a pattern of thinking which may not be helping you currently. And for sure that can be pattern can be modified to think in a rational and more helpful way.

Take care.

Dr Abhijeet Deshmukh

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