Hi everyone. I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and unfortunately dealing with a lot of stress and I just don't know how to cope with all it all. It took us almost 2 years to become pregnant so when I found out I was overjoyed and felt it was truly a miracle. Despite all the unpleasant 1st trimester symptoms , the first few months were truly so exciting.
Then the time came when I told my employer I was pregnant, and he let me go. I could not believe it. I have filed a claim but will not hear for months as to the outcome, in the mean time I have applied for ei, but everything that possibly could go wrong with that has, and after over a month now they have 'misplaced' my paper work, so I have to resubmit it and wait again. Shortly after this my mom told me she is getting a divorce. Her husband is a horrible person and I knew it was only a matter of time. She is putting so much stress on me about this divorce I just can't take it. She is very fragile mentally so it's impossible to speak honestly with her. She is being really unreasonable though and has it stuck in her head that she is going to build a new house and live with us until the house is ready. We have a small 3 bedroom house with 2 cats, 1 dog and a baby on the way and she wants to move in with her 2 cats. I just could not handle that many people and animals in our house with a newborn. She would have nowhere to put her clothes, their litter box, and then if our cats and dog and her cats don't get along then what? I keep a pretty clean house but she is over the top and I know it wouldn't be up to her standards. Plus with all the baby gear we kind of planned on using that spare room for anything we wouldn't be using right away.
So, on top of the job loss and my mom, my relationship with my husband has been a huge sore spot. Within the same week I lost my job and found out about my mom I found that he is back on online dating sites. My husband is bisexual, he told me this after we were engaged but before we were married. Initially I was really shocked, but accepted it. I feel that I myself am somewhat bi curious. The problem I have with it though is just because you're bisexual doesn't mean you have to be with both sexes at the same time. When he told me this he had set up a profile on a gay dating site. He was upfront about it and I tried to understand. He set up a time to meet with 2 men and went over to their house, but came home very shortly after and said he couldn't do it. At that point I told him I just couldn't handle it and he stopped. But about every few months over the past 3 years since this started he slips up. Sometimes he's on sites looking for women which completely sends me over the edge. This past summer though I found several messages on his phone with plans to meet up with different men (he works in a different town and has an hour lunch so who knows what he does). He told me he never went through with any of them. I told him just do it, get it over with and then delete all his profiles. So he hooked up with a guy. I had a really hard time with afterward but eventually got over it. Sadly, a few months later and he was back on the sites. This was around the time I found out I was pregnant which I was so overjoyed with I blocked out all that crap for a while. But about a month ago he started acting withdrawn again so I checked his phone and he was on a rub n tug site looking through girl's profiles with all their contact info. That is when I completely lost it. I got the big sob story I've heard so many times and that he won't do it again. I find all that 'i won't do it again' means is that he becomes more vigilant with deleting his search history. I even found a folder he had created on his phone called 'c Tug'. It was empty when I saw it, but not sure what that was for. It's hard too because our sex life is far from boring. I do him with a strap on, use various toys, watch porn, whatever he wants, but it still feels like it's never enough.
I just feel so hurt and so angry. Pregnancy is supposed to be a wonderful happy time, but I just feel like the people who should be the most supportive are letting me down the most. With my job loss and the financial situation being so tight right now it really bothers me because my husband is still spending hundreds a month on weed and smokes. Meanwhile my bras have become so tight they're almost painful to wear, and I really need to see a chiropractor again for my back, but I hold off on all my needs because we can't afford it. I am just so angry, and I don't want to feel this way. Most nights I hardly sleep, I just lay in bed in cry.
It's so difficult because despite everything my husband is a very good person. He is very caring and our personalities just click, we get along so well and truly are best friends. It's just his selfish side that drives me up the wall- the dating sites, porn, weed and smokes. He always puts himself first. It's even the little things, i'll be watching a tv show and he just comes in a changes the channel or puts a video game in- it's always what he wants.
Despite all of this I am truly happy. I have a miracle growing inside of me who I cannot wait to meet and shower with love. I guess I just wish I felt like I wasn't going at this alone. I realize I haven't asked any questions, I guess I'm just looking for any support, or stories from others who went through a lot during pregnancy or in their relationships. I'm not asking if I should leave my husband, right now I just can't. I do love him very much, just wish things were different. Although he does a lot of things that aren't right, when the weekends roll around and all his friends are out partying at the strip club, he's home with me watching movies. I know he does truly love me, I just wish things were different.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 15th, 2012

watch funny movies with your close ones and try to remember your school days and what you did in your school...
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....