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31, pregnant, fighting and alone...need advice

Hey there,
My name is Andrea and I am now 13 weeks pregnant. I have been with the father on and off for 6 years. We had recently started to talk of marriage and kids, but he seemed a little reluctant about it, but got me a ring for xmas.. WE WERE NOT rushing into having a child, because, a HUGE BECAUSE he was cleaning up his act, he is a alchohalic. He was sober for a few months and fell off the wagon, it has been downhill since then. We had split because he becomes very emotionally abusive and neglectful when in the hieght of his addiction.. I BEING a total idiot decided to go talk to him after one night of him crying and begging me to go over there and one thing led to another and I got knocked up. I know this is my bad, and I just never thought in the 6 years it would happen.. as I said I was an idiot.
When I found out, I was both happy and scared to death.. I have always wanted to be a mommy, my family is very supportive telling me they know I will be a great mom, i was meant for it, but the other side of the coin, is we know he will not be. Whe I told him the first thing he said was "I guess abortion is out of the question?" I had gotten pregnant when i was 22 and had so many complications I had a abortion and thought I couldnt get pregnant again, so he knew where I stood on this issue. Once I told him "no" he said he figured and would stand beside me every step of the way, he wasnt going to desert me, and he wanted to be the father he never ad (his dad was a busive jerk, who as well was into drinking and drugs. And again like the idiot I am, beleived this nonsence. About a week o2 2 later he went nuts, he is mad I wont have an abortion, he is mad cause he thinks he has all the responsibility and he must bring up abortion every other day.. WHAT rreally sets ME OFF is he'll say this and then tell me what he wants me to do with HIS child, as far as I am concerned he shouldnt have any rights if he wantes me to hav a abortion so badly. Maybe its me being spiteful, but if i have to live, or GOD FORBID this child has to live with his "regret and bitterness" towards him having to actually grow the heck up, then the child is better off, as well as me.. He hasnt gone to one doctor.. I sent him a pic of the baby's sonogram, the baby actually looking like a baby, and he still broght up abortion!~!!! It makes me sick, not one doc appointment, only to the hospital to make sure i was pregnant. When I spotted he made up a excuse (he doesnt drive) and I find out he is drunk with his buddies... this man is 30 years old!
Needless to say im growing to hate him, im crying even as I write this because a while back we even picked out names for a child, we didnt know would even come in the future...
I dont know what to do, part of me wants to give him the chance to man up and see if he will want to be a part of this baby's life and the other part tells me to run as far away as I can, he is not going to change.. a few years back he had gotten physical with me, he has pushed me recently, not hard but enough for me to get mad as hell, im pregnant.. and worse is he is so drunk sometimes he automatically thinks of a excuse and beleives it! Beleives it, or thinks he does, its so weird.. sometimes I see Casey Anthony and think of it.
I used to be close to his family but even on thier side, noone has called to see how I am doing, and to make matters worse, I moved from my family to be closer to him, so I am 3/4 hours from my mom and sister and going thru this entire PREGNANCY by myself, no family, a small deal of friends, everyone elseis at a distance. I am so depressed I go home and lay in bed, my roommate is of no help, she is a good friend, great friend, but has lupus and doesnt keep up with housework or ANYTHING, she uses this as a excuse, and I am growing bitter towards evberythingt, I know my depression HAS to be hurting my baby, and I AM TRYING everything to not let it get to me, going to the gym, focusingon happy movies, shopping, whatever it takes, but at the end of the day, morning and anytime I slow down enough to think I grow even more depressed.. I want to leave here, go home, but im afraid he is going to come after me or his family. I dont want to deprive the family (his sister was mybest friend, and is still active in mylife, but you learn blood is always thicker than water as you grow older)I am not happy and am at a lose. Am i wrong for picking up and leaving, I dont get how he wants a abortion so bad, but then in the next sentence flips out over, no other man will be in my kids life, nyou are not taking it, ur family will mess it up, he even tried to say im abusing drugs when i am not and get drug tested! I am on prenatal medicaid so I beleive they do, regardless I would never, the only thing bad I do, is smoke a cig once and a while, which i spoke to my doc about, and he doesnt know... i am trying to hard o quit, its just so hard and the only thing keeping me sane is this childe. It is something I always wanted and hate him even more for ruining this expeirence for me.. as I have gone total dork with it, learnning reading and recording every moment.
I dont know what to deo, i cant stop these emotions and hatred.. I am just so confused.. any words of wisdom out there? do i leave or is it wrong to not give him or the fam a chance, ami being bitter by doing this cause they have left me feeling abandoned? i just dont see how they have any rights?
thanks guys
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replied June 15th, 2011
The emotions are part of being pregnant and they will be heightened - extreme highs and lows because your body is going through many changes. My advise to you is if you love the fact you are pregnant and you want this child, leave him. Go home to your family and friends, where you can have support through all this. If he wants to shape up and be a part of this, then he will have to do it on his own first and then come to be with you and the baby. You cannot make him quit drinking or be a good father. And from what you've written, he is not a good role model in the shape he is in now. So you need to take care of yourself right now. Go home! Take care of yourself and your child.
As for his family, is it possible they don't know? Again, go home and take care of yourself but be open if out of the blue someone calls you to enquire how you are. Just because you are putting yourself and this pregnancy first, making it a priority, doesn't mean you have to be against everyone else. Find peace in what you're doing, take charge of what's important and do what's best for that baby. Take it from me who has tried for years to be a mommy and cannot have kids. You have a miracle inisde you if you want it. And if you do want it, get support and do what you need to in order to give that baby the best start it can have. Good luck.
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replied July 16th, 2011
Well I can't say that I have advice as to what would be best for you, but can tell you that you are not alone. I am 7 months pregnant and the Dad is someone that I have loved and been with for almost 7 years. We had been on and off for awhile but living together (we bought a house about 4 years ago) and I thought we were doing this together. He and his family have been my world for so long, I live quite a few states away from my family, and just never thought I'd have to do this alone. Well he found someone else to occupy his time and gave him a way out of our relationship, that apparently he hasn't been happy in for years. Meanwhile I have never loved someone so much. There are problems between us and some issues that aren't going to go away, but you never think it will be the end now. If you have the chance and want to... go be with your family. His will understand that you have to do what is best for you and the health of your baby. When he or she gets here just make sure you let them know. It gives them a chance to be apart of the babies life. I wish you all the luck in the world. And know that you aren't alone. I've found from just google that there are a lot of women who are going through similar situations. Trust me I know it hurts, but I guess as others have told me, we just have to be strong. Good Luck!
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