Medical Questions > Pregnancy Forum > Single and Pregnant Forum

34, pregnant and single - advice please

Hi, I am 10wks pregnant, I found out a few weeks ago and have decided I want to keep the baby, my first.

In short, I met a guy while I was travelling, we had a brief 'relationship' and I was shocked to discover I am pregnant, I have since returned home, he wants me to keep the baby, but I doubt he will be able to give any financial support and being in a different country. I do not see a future with him, so I will be bringing up the baby alone, which I am really scared about.

I always wanted children but never imagined I would be a single mum. My friends have been very supportive, I can't tell my mum yet as she will go crazy, being from a traditional family and despite my age. I am hoping she will accept this when I tell her later i.e. 4/5 months as late as possible and hoping my mum will be supportive.

I keep thinking how can I financially and emotionally cope? I feel so much pressure and so alone at times, I am currently looking for a job too so I can save up as much as possible, before I show, as no employer will employ me after that as I just returned from 6 months travelling. Any advice from anyone who has been through this alone would be great, thanks!
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First Helper confused_gal
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replied June 8th, 2011
just be lucky your not 16,pregnant,and single.(:
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replied July 9th, 2011
This post sounds eerily familiar. I am going thru the same EXACT thing as you. I am also 34...met my BD while traveling. We spent about 3 months together...fell in love...and I found out I was pregnant when I returned home. I was terrified to tell my parents too! Even thought I'm 34. They are also highly traditional. But you know what? They surprised me. They were thrilled. Me and my BD decided we were going to try and do the long distance thing for awhile...until one of us could move to be with the other. Well...looks like he couldn't hold out for me. He cheated on me with his ex. So not what you need to hear when you are thousands of miles away...5 months pregnant and hormonal...you know? So trust me...I know how you feel! I always wanted a baby...but I never wanted to be a single parent. I am terrified of being a parent as it is...and now more so. I know he won't be able to help me financially...so I am pretty much on my own..like you. But I know it will be ok. I have to believe that. Everything happens for a reason. God never gives us more than we can handle...I believe that. Good luck and God Bless! Babies are gifts not burdens. Your family will see it that way...don't worry. Be brave.
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replied July 20th, 2011
Men
I was living with a guy i loved and I got pregnant.. He left me and just completely cut me out.. He recently came back into the picture but i suspect he's cheating on me.. I confronted him and he stopped talking to me again. Im about 11 weeks and the entire pregnancy so far has been an emotional drain.. I just cry pretty much nonstop.. I cant handle the stress im not sure what to do i wish there were people in my area i could talk to.. Im very alone i don't have resource.. I love my baby and im planning on keeping it but i feel bad he isn't going to have 2 parents and i worry that my emotional state is going to hurt him
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replied August 23rd, 2011
Same Boat Here Lets Stick Togeather!
I think we all need to be here for each other I two am in the same boat he is in the bed asleep i am on the couch he told me if i keep it he is going to leave me bottom line no ifs ands buts or ors I am 37 we been togeather for 3 years and i think he had reservations on leaving anyhow... but he is here now and i am praying he stays and changes his mind that is all i can do and i know i need women in my life and i need women that are going through the same deal so ladies we are not alone
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replied October 27th, 2011
HELLO,
I'm in desperate need of advice. I am 35 and just found out i'm pregnant. Problem is my boyfriend is now acting distant and indifferent. Before I got pregnant things were great in our relationship and we even talked about moving in and having children together. He talked about how he wanted for us to stay together no matter what and that he loved me very much. He'd send me flowers to work, give me gifts on my birthday, never let me go out alone. We have been together for about 8 months only but we get along so well and I haven't been so in love with anyone else in such a long time. All these reasons have made me think irrational things such as an abortion just to save my relationship and have things back the way they were. I think about why I didn't take care of myself and I think about my past relationships and the one of 11 years that I left and how much I made him suffer. I think this is all karma for me. I think so many things. I am an emotional wreck. I can't function. I was fine and healthy until he stopped calling and showing intrest in me. At first when I told him he said he'd be there for me and support me. Now almost a week later he doesn't call, come to my house or even offer that I go to his anymore. Everything has gone from white to black in a matter of days and I blame it all on the pregnancy. I know I have to realize it's not the pregnancy but actually the fact that he truly does not love me. I am hoping he's just scared and that he'll come to his senses. If not I don't think I can handle this pregnancy alone...I don't have any family here and the only people supporting me right now are my co-workers. Yes, I think we should definitely stick together here.
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replied August 23rd, 2011
Same Boat Here Lets Stick Togeather!
I think we all need to be here for each other I two am in the same boat he is in the bed asleep i am on the couch he told me if i keep it he is going to leave me bottom line no ifs ands buts or ors I am 37 we been togeather for 3 years and i think he had reservations on leaving anyhow... but he is here now and i am praying he stays and changes his mind that is all i can do and i know i need women in my life and i need women that are going through the same deal so ladies we are not alone
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replied August 29th, 2011
Re: 34, pregnant and single - advice please
I'm in a somewhat similar boat - 35 and pregnant. My boyfriend was always adamant that he didn't want any more kids (2 from his previous marriage.) I accidentally got pregnant ans was scared of his reaction, but honestly, I did not think he would leave me over it. Tomorrow we finish moving out of the house that we shared together. He plans to be active in the kids life, but not with me. I don't know. He's been having panic attacks and works crazy hours. He's the manager of a big bar and has women hitting on him all the time. sigh.

I don't know. I am concerned about being a single parent. I never expected this.

I'm sure it will all work out ok. I'm educated, smart and have a great family who are very excited about this baby. But at the end of the day, I'm the one responsible and I didn't want to do it without him.

I'd love to hear how others are coping. Oh, I'm 15 weeks 5 days.
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replied November 5th, 2011
I hear you sisters, I'm 35 and just found out I'm pregnant. I too went travelling and fell pregnant to a man whom I've known overseas for 3 years now. My mother has been so supportive, I haven't told my dad as he is overseas at the moment but scared of his reaction. Baby's father doesn't know either as he lives in Nepal and is on a trek at the moment, I'm scared he will run away, as he already has two kids. So like you all I'm going to be a single mum for the first time. I always wanted children but not like this. My friends have been wonderful and so supportive which I think helps. Still the idea of being the sole supporter of my child scares me. What's worse, is one week after finding out i'm pregnant my boss has said that due to the financial crisis, my work load will now be reduced to part time( they don't know I'm pregnant yet) so this has been a double whammy. I have a great job and good pay but going part time means less money and also moving back into my Mum's for awhile till I get on my feet.

All the emotions you feel are natural, I feel them too. But i Guess god is giving us a gift and that everything happens for a reason...trying to stay positive. I just want my baby to have a good life. I'm very stressed at the moment as the future seems uncertain. Any advice?
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replied November 11th, 2011
I understand
I too am in the same boat. I am 31 and 10w1d. The father was supportive at the very very beginning and now is not at all. He went back to his ex-girlfriend who has a little boy from another father. He basically raised the boy like his till they broke up. Apparently me getting pregnant brought back memories.

I have yet to tell my family and so afraid to. I am 31 and capable but I know I will need help and can't do this alone. I would love to keep in contact with you all. I don't have any friends that have ever gone thru this as they are all married and the fathers are all super supportive. I feel alone too.
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replied November 11th, 2011
support always here
Pazmarie, I think it takes allot of strength to do what we are doing. Be proud of that. There are so many people in our boat doing it alone and remember you won't be alone forever, you will eventually meet someone who will absolutely adore you and the bub.
There are positives: get to chose the name yourself, no arguments over way to raise the child. I know so many people in horrific marriages and see the detrimental effect it has on their kids. So think, at least your child won't have to witness fights with a partner! I'm also aware of the cons, but we need not focus on those.

I have spoken to the baby's father and he has been very supportive, although i'm a bit nervous after reading your post that yours was to but is now backing off....that sucks...hope you are okay??

Job situation has turned for the better, I'm now back to full time ( not sure why they put me through hell for 2 weeks with the uncertainity/)

Keep Smiling Mummy to be

I'm a true believer that everything will work out. There are always people who will help you, I'm sure your family and friends will too.
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