I tried to kill myself in March. It wasn't a cry for help, I really meant it. Afterwards, I did the therapy and took the pills, all the while asking why they were so keen to get me 'better' and send me back to the life that had made me so desperate in the first place. Back in the real world, I did ok for a few months but now I wish the healthcare professionals hadn't wasted their time. What am I meant to do now? I am exhausted and lonely and just want a way out of it all.
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replied August 31st, 2012
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Hi JustAShell and welcome to ehealth...I think first you have to let us know why you wanted to do yourself harm...How old are you and why the sorrow?...You know all of us have gone through a real down side in our life...This includes me...But, we learn to walk again and face the world...This you have to do...We are here...Take care...

Caroline

Caroline
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replied August 31st, 2012
I'm 34. After a nervous breakdown in December I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This wasn't because of one horrific event, but because of my life in general. It has been one drama after another for as long as I can remember. I don't need to go into details but to give you the highlights...alcoholic father, neurotic mother, heroin addicted partner, single mother, victim of domestic abuse, rape and cancer.
Until Christmas, I was the strong one. I was the one people leaned on. I was the one who solved problems. After everything I've been through I just got up, took my lessons from it and carried on. I'm not the sort of person to wallow and feel sorry for myself, I just kept going. Then , it was as if it all caught up with me at once.
The emotional pain I felt was so intense that I couldn't bear it. It wasn't that I necessarily wanted to die, I just wanted the pain to end. I didn't care if the overdose killed me, I just wanted to not feel anything for a while.
I've tried so hard to keep going, I'm still trying, but it seems that no matter what I do to escape my past and make a future for myself and my son, something always gets in the way.
The professionals said its expected that I'll be mistrustful and paranoid, that I'll have trouble with relationships, that I'll be prone to bouts of depression after everything I've been through. That its a normal reaction. If this is me, if this is who I am, then I don't want to be me anymore. How can you change an entire person? Its ok saying I'll try and be more positive or I'll accept help where its offered, or whatever, but that doesn't change how I feel inside.
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replied September 1st, 2012
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Hi again JustAShell: I hear you and feel your hurt...What you must be able to do is to look back at that time of your life as your past...Become a new person...Change your way of thinking and go with it...Honey, life is full of depression...We don't deserve it, but somehow it finds a way to our doorstep....e...

You are young...You have much life to live for...Don't let the world get you down...Live for your son...Forget about those who have hurt you...You are better than they are.....Take one day at a time...Take care...

Caroline
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