Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Possible Solutions?

Alright.. first time poster, so here goes.

I've been with my current beau for several months now... He was left by his previous girlfriend three years before and he was alone until me. He chose video games over life and dropped out of high school and did not have a job or GED (Keep reading! )...

The first week we decided to date, a guy friend of mine really needed help... so my mom invited him to move in. I rarely see this guy and he uses my car to get to work and whatnot, that is really it. The very next week there was a family emergency where my dad had been set on fire at work in another state, my mother, sister, and I left immediately. Of course, being in the wonderful honeymoon stage of romance... I kept in constant contact with him. My sister and I had to return to work soon after so he actually drove two states north to come and get us and didn't ask anything in return.

When we got back... A few days after, my sister went back to be with my parents while I stayed at home and kept everything going (pets, cleaning...). He started coming over more often, staying the night.... and checking my phone. This was without permission. When I told him to give it back, he said, "I haven't found what I am looking for yet." ... Wow... ok. Obviously he has privacy and personal issues.

So.. a few days later, I broke up with him. He came back begging, so I told him that if he loved me he would work on him issues and then try again. Each time I rejected him and told him I was not ready (all the while telling him he can leave and pursue other interests and I would understand- Even though, yea.. I love him and it would hurt, I would like to see him happy), he would pull some really stupid stunts.
Girl #1 - he took a pic of them hanging out (friends only) and posted it as his facebook profile pic... I told him congrats and he went off on me saying he had sex with her every night we weren't together. Apparently this is a lie. She didn't even realize that he was doing that.. Anyway, he apologized and I stuck to what I have said.
Girl #2 - A friend of his he was trying to say wanted to come stay with him and be with him... Which was also untrue. He was trying to make me jealous so I would come back.
Girl #3- happened after a massive argument. First... he sat me down and told me he met someone interested in him and he had a date with her. Second time, after an even bigger argument, he told me that was not true. Come time for that date night, guess who's phone was off? His. You bet. Third... He did meet her and he did go out with her, apparently going to the movies alone and paying for her isn't a date in his book. Guarantee he would flip if I did the same with a male friend.

And all this leads to Girl # 4... A girl he told his sob story about me to... and got her interested and had forwarded the replies about how she would never do that to him... to me. He claims he had no idea she was trying to win him over, but I got very angry. Shes now out of his life.

There were two suicide attempts involved here, he locked himself in a bathroom with a gun the first time, then he drove off with it.. leaving me at his house to call 911. Needless to say, he won't be doing that again and has seen the error of those ways... after a solid lecture from cops, his family, and me.

These events now contribute to... I forgave him and we spent a month just being friends... after a short break from all of that mess, I think we just kept going too long after the first fight and it all started piling up. I ended up breaking my ankle after he dropped me off at home one day, his grandmother gave us a fridge.. ours broke...

He was the only person there to see me and called 911 and drove my mother to the hospital on an almost empty tank of gas. He has been there 100% of the way and has gone to all the appointments and was there for my surgery. He feels like it is his fault, I assure him it is not.

This brings me to where I am now. I am bedridden and have a severe case of insomnia. I can't sleep but about 4 hours a day now. Anyway.. He is angry that I stay up all night talking to 'god knows who' and all these guys that are interested in me. The only people I talk to are FRIENDS. One or two may have been interested at one point but have moved on. I used to talk to an ex that made a better friend than a boyfriend... and My guy just didn't understand that... so I ended up stopping all contact with that friend. He still accuses me of talking to him behind his back and he gets mad when I argue back about it (I can't stand it anymore). I tell him I can't sleep, I don't talk to my ex, and Im not running away for someone else. When I bring up his issues, he always tells me to just leave since he is so 'terrible'. I haven't lied about any of this once.
I'm not sure what to say anymore. Nothing gets through to him. He comes over EVERY DAY and if I say no.. he flips... If I don't answer a text, he goes into "You're ignoring me! I know what I need to do now."

Help? :/ I want to try before leaving.. but its getting harder. Suggestions?

He finally has gotten a job and I convinced him to get a GED and go to college next semester. There has been SOME progress.
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replied November 17th, 2010
Would appreciate any help.
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replied November 17th, 2010
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replied November 18th, 2010
Were gonna go see a therapist, I spose... But still dont know what to ask or say
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replied February 6th, 2011
You sound articulate and intelligent. A person with such self loathing as to neglect his education is an inveterate loser. One with so little self esteem and
regard can not regard or love another no matter what
they say.

Run and do not walk to safety as your very life could be at risk. With support groups and worthy causes you can build yourself a safety net as far as you are able to get from the toxic elements in your life.
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