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It's so hard to be like this. I'm only 16 years old, but I'm already hating myself. I have nothing to live for. I heard people say that there is a reason you're here, but that's junk. What's my reason? Am I only alive because I am supposed to feel like I'm the loneliest person in the world? I'm sure as heck I'm lonely. Besides my family, nobody else likes me. Okay, I do have VERY few friends. They're nice people, but I just seem to be nothing compared to them. They have so many more friends than I do. Everybody seems to have at least one person they can talk to when they go to their next class. They all have a bunch of people to sit with at much while I struggle trying to find somewhere to sit. Nobody wants to be sitting with me. Not even at class or when we have an assembly. When it comes to being in groups, I'm always the odd one out. But at the same time I don't like working with groups. When we have free time in class, I don't get the chance to talk to anybody. Everybody gets to hang out with their friends every weekend. I don't do anything, but when I actually go out, I'm always with my family. I get upset when I see a group of friends with each other. Another problem: They all have nice clothes and stuff, but whenever I get dressed, I look like a homeless person. I hate how I dress. I work my butt off trying my hardest to dress much better, but nobody likes what I wear! Well... nobody likes anything about me. They clothes I wear, the music I listen to, the way I act, how I even do my homework!!!! Everybody talks about me everyday, and I actually hear them. I heard this one girl say that nobody likes me, and one other girl said that she doesn't like my style. Nobody has anything good to say about me, and they all want to be jerks and say these nasty things to their friends behind my back. Relationship-wise.... Of fing course I'm single. I know why. Everybody who is in a relationship should be thankful they are because they have someone who accepts them for who the are (this also goes for friends, too). On the other hand, I am just a jealous little person. I am desperate to be in a relationship, but I am Also worried because people will have a problem, or they will laugh at me, and I am also a terrible kisser, even though I have never kissed before. I believe anything people think about me. I have such low self confidence. I am very self conscious about my appearance, and I try to make myself as less ugly as possible. Yeah, I am very ugly, and I am also a fat, stupid, boring, unfunny, disgusting, horrifying, weird, embarrassing who smells bad and has no life. I don't see what is the whole point in living. I always wonder what life will be like if I died. I think the people in school want me to die. I feel very depressed, and I should just self harm myself if nobody noticed. I do have thoughts of suicide and I also wonder what it feels like to be very ill. Honestly, I would rather be dying in a hospital bed than go another 50 years being lonely. Ooohhhh, I am such a wench. I just want to cry myself to sleep and dream about jumping in front of a fast moving bus. I'm just going to hide all my feelings to myself because there isn't anyone, not even a friend, who I can share my feelings with. I am a horrible, low life person...
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replied February 23rd, 2013
I'm also sixteen, and I went through what you went through a few years ago. Everyone called me an emo and said my music was sh*t, and that I dressed like sh*t, and I felt like I was the most unpopular girl in the world. I am also bi-sexual and only discovered this whilst I was an 'emo', and everyone gave me crap over that too. I was in love with my best friend who was a girl and everyone found it creepy and weird and it really upset me because they would say all these things right in front of her and I would get so embarrassed and think she must hate me. Of course she never liked me back because she wasnt into girls, so I was left feeling stupid. I knew I ruined our friendship when she found out I liked her, we still arent the same now years later. I don't dress like I used to, and I listen to different music now, after discovering who I really was. Getting all the sh*t from people really taught me who my true friends were, and who I really was. You've gotta ignore all the sh*t they give you, okay? They can say all they want, but if they're sad enough to spend their time trying to ruin someone elses life then they're stupid little f*cks. And hey, after learning who I really am and getting through all the hate and bullying I've found myself someone I really love who loves me. He suffers from clinical depression and all of my care goes into making his life better now- so I thought, hey why not help a few more people out there who don't find life worth living- so so I came here and saw you. I hope what Ive said has been some help Smile
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