Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Physically and mentally absorbing bipolar boyfriend's pain

My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months or so. We have a great relationship, I love him.
A couple of months ago I found some mediation of his and confronted him as to what it is. Turns out he has bi-polar. I don't think I would have figured it out myself , but looking back it all makes sense.
I would like to talk about it with him more, to try to understand as it also affects me, and our relationship,but am not really sure how to go about it.

He only takes his meds as and when, as he feels he can control it okay without them. I think goes into depression a lot more than mania. ( I don't recall ever seeing him manic)

We both lead quite busy lives so usually only see each other on weekends.
I am quite a sensitive person, so easily pick up on peoples moods, but sometimes I can wake up in the morning and somehow know/feel that my boyfriend is feeling unwell.
problem is, I can FEEL it.
I'm not saying I know what he is going through - its hard to explain- but I actually physically and mentally feel pain.
Is this love? compassion?

I need to develop some strategies to cope with this!
I also am really unsure how much to contact him when he is pushing me away/ being vague/ isolating himself? I know that if I didn't initiate first contact, It would be days, maybe a week until he contacted me.
I don't want to smother him, but do want him to know that im there, and that I care.
How do you convince your self that it the disease, and not take the rejection personally?
Ahh its all so hard.

Any advice/ tips most welcome thanks!
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replied March 13th, 2013
It's very hard disease. I've been in my relationship with my bipolar girlfriend for a long time. It's hard to cope with this disease. Seems even when they shut down it's good to keep trying to get in touch with them and let them know your there and care. Best thing to do. I can also feel her pain to. I love her. It's love you feel. It's been a tuff road for me. You need to do some research on the disease. It helps to understand what is going on. I've seen the mania it's hard to go through you have to be so strong. Remember he is suffering at times himself. There was one time with my girlfriend which scared me so much. She was in a manic state basically roller coaster of emotions and racing thoughts. She says to me do you know what it's like to have no control over there mind. thought i was going to have to take her to the hospital. She said she just wanted it to end so bad at times. Right now i love her but i don't know how long i can do this for until i break down again. You wish you can take there pain away but you can't. In one word it hurts. Try to enjoy the good times i recommend. Think about if you want to go through all this for a longer period of time. good luck.
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replied March 13th, 2013
Community Volunteer
Hi Joelle55 and welcome to ehealth: It's refusing to accept the fact of life that this is a disease and the person will never overcome it...It's not wanting to let yourself suffer the hurt of breaking up and being alone....In the end you must face the cold fact of life that it is an ever lasting torture that will never go away...It is then and only then that you are able to move on...Take care...

Caroline

Caroline
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