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Physical appearance and mental pain

I'll get right to the point:

I'm 17, Senior in High School, and I've never had a girlfriend, and believe me I can be charismatic and that doesn't help at all. I've always ALWAYS been told I was ugly, not once has anyone every complimented my appearance except my mother who I think just feels bad for me. I've had elderly people tell me I was ugly, when I was like 10, they would just say, "Boy you're ugly." or something along that line. I've pretty much gotten used to it, because well.. I can't look at myself either. My mom was so proud of my pictures for senior class but I can't stand them hanging up, I hate to see them and I don't like mirrors. My dad doesn't say anything but like everyone else I'm sure he thinks I'm not good looking either. At this point in time people have gotten used to the fact that I don't get upset or respond negatively to being called ugly and they just randomly say it now as a response to anything I do, "Man you're hideous" or something like that. I just don't see what good I can do in the social world. I know the human brain has hardwired aesthetics and I adore the anatomy of the brain.. so I can't complain about how it works but I just dislike the cards I was dealt. I have a gigantic head, my mother even said that, and to go along with it I have a bonechilling face that makes the most resolute people flinch in disgust. I could ramble about a lifetime of being insulted with fact, but I'd take forever. I also am beginning to feel like I'm developing serious health problems, and when I tell my mother -- who is a nurse -- she just ignores it. I think she wants me to die so I don't have to deal with all this crap anymore. I know I'm practically an adult now and I shouldn't be complaining but I just feel like I was given the crappiest body in the world. I have random head pains in the same spot of my head where I thought was just because I hit it in a car wreck a while back.. that might still be it I guess.

Is it normal for your face and head to get tingly when you've been working physically for a long period of time? I got worried over that as well because I'm a hypochondriac but I just wanted other opinions. I've come to the conclusion though that if I do have something life-threatening it's all well and good.. if it kills me then well I can be in the ground where no one has to look at me anymore.

After a LIFE-TIME of being told this by EVERYONE, I've come to this..

Fact: I am ugly, period. There is no human being who can see me as anything else except my mother, God bless her, who insists that I am beautiful.
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replied March 11th, 2008
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This, to me, sounds like depression. Believe it or not... no matter what you may think now, Depression totally distorts your self image. It causes you to misunderstand other people's reactions to you. Seriously... honest to goodness, you should at least try to talk to a doctor about this. Once you take depression out of the equation, your world completely changes. I know this sounds ridiculous to you, but I, as someone who used to feel exactly like you do now; getting my depression taken care of was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
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replied March 11th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Marvel is right. Depression can completely distort your self image. You should talk to someone about how you feel. The more you talk about it and let things out, the more your self esteem should slowly build. You may not like how you look, but I bet there are many other great things about yourself that you love. You should emphasize the great things about you. If you are funny, make jokes. If you are musical, try showing your skills off. If you are artistic, paint about how you feel. Art can be a powerful way to let things go, even if it is abstract. I know that personally I do not care about looks. There is SO much more to a person than the way they look. People should never judge a book by its cover. You seem like a great, strong person who has had to put up with a lot over the years. I'm sorry that people have treated you this way.
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replied March 12th, 2008
Believe me, Gustov, I am a young woman and I've been told the same thing as a kid and a teenager, and it did really hurt, especially since my older brother is very good-looking and people would be like, "are you related?" or "why don't you look like him?" and I knew exactly what they meant. My brother once told me "no man will ever want to sleep with you." Nice, huh?
But then things changed around college. I still can't figure out why. I didn't have plastic surgery. I've looked the same forever. But I was so juiced to go to college that it made me kind of reinvent myself, so I started wearing clothes that I wouldn't wear in high school, working out and caring for myself more, holding my head up higher, looking people in the eye, etc. I guess I used it as a chance to be a new person, not the scrawny nerdy girl wearing K-Mart fashions in high school, and it sort of worked. I actually had boyfriends. And when I went back home to meet all these people who never found me attractive, one of the guys who used to make fun of me asked me out... so weird. Another one was like, "why didn't we go out in high school?" It almost made me mad, because I'm the same person. It's like once I pretended that I liked my looks, other people started to become convinced, and slowly I started to sort of be convinced by my own pretending. I honest-to-God think that confidence plus charisma plus a little daring acting will get you really far. And maybe there are girls who think you're really cool, but it's not like we are so confident of our seductiveness that we can make the first move...
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replied March 12th, 2008
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freakyfashionista wrote:
I honest-to-God think that confidence plus charisma plus a little daring acting will get you really far. And maybe there are girls who think you're really cool, but it's not like we are so confident of our seductiveness that we can make the first move...


I totally agree with what she said.
Confidence really is the key.
But I mean, how can you have confidence when you're dealing with an issue like this.
I think that you really need help, hun.
Also, why don't you just post a picture so we can see you for who you are.
My mother calls me fat and "wide" and stuff.
And you know what, I'm not fat or "wide".
And it is still taking time for me to realize that.
But I'm 5'2 and wear a size 2.
And there is NOTHING wrong with that, right?
I had a guy at work ask me if I was pregnant because I had gained a little belly weight.
And you know what? I weigh 118 pounds.
People aren't always right.

Post a pic for us?
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replied March 12th, 2008
freakyfashionista wrote:

Post a pic for us?


If I can find the best possible one of myself I may, but be warned!

There is a reason that people call me ugly, and they ain't just blowin' smoke.
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replied March 2nd, 2009
Physical Appearance.
Gustov, maybe your depressed maybe not. Maybe your not an attractive guy, maybe you are. We do live in a world where aesthetics are as important as money, interestingly enough both carry the same value which depends on the eye of the beholder, but neither of which determine who or what you will become ultimately.
Think of Steven Hawkins. He was a man who was severly handicapped and not very asthetically appealing but was considered to be the smartest man on the planet.

He wasn't born a genius. He was born with nothing but time on is hands, time that most people spend chasing women and money only to be heartbroken and broke in the end.

Instead, he spent all his time reading and thinking...he was a man who will be forever remembered.

I'll leave it at that.
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replied March 4th, 2009
I know how it feels to not be viewed as attractive. My face is not symtrically pleasing and I have to small a mouth, bad teeth and to big of a nose for a girl. As a kid I was bashed all the time for being "ugly" and the best I ever got for a compliment from a guy was that I was "kind of cute". Even my own mother attacked me for being ugly.

As an adult I never dated much and I quickly learned the only reason guys wanted to have anything to do with me was so they could have sex. It wasn't what I had to offer on the inside and it certainly wasn't what was showing on the outside. So I became discouraged and jaded and figured I was going to live my life alone. That no man would want me. It's been hard but to a certain extent I have accepted this reality. One time,I thought I had found a man to love. Someone who wasn't very attractive but there were things I liked about him. He had a great personality and he was funny and very sweet to me and the fact that he was sweet to me made me fall in love with him. Unfortunately, my falling in love with him scared him so much that he got abusive and rejected me. It really damaged my self-esteem that someone who couldn't get a girlfriend to save his life rejects someone willing to love him for who he was and how he treated me and not for how he looked. It told me that I would never be loved. A sad thing.

So I understand alot of what you're talking about.
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replied January 7th, 2010
yea you're ugly. dick boiii
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replied January 7th, 2010
Gustov, i am one person who doesn't give a damn what you look like. and there are many people like me out there. and you will discover this as you grow older. Real people don't base their opinions of others on what they look like. but i do hear the sadness in your voice and i'm so glad you reached out and came here. you are not alone. forget those "pretty people" and seek out the one's with inner value! you're an inside man!
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replied January 15th, 2010
It's long but it should help, and no inner beauty bs either
Trust me I know exactly how you feel, I have go through the same thing as you. I was told all my life I was ugly, except from my mother, and when she said I was handsome it would just make me so mad and embarrassed. (just as a side note i got the short end of the stick and started going bald noticeable when I was 16) I'm 22 years old now and things do get a little better in college as long as you don't go to parties, and trust me DON"T GO TO COLEGE PARTIES!!! What i have dun to help cope was just to hang out with other people who are labeled, and who quite frankly are ugly. In college there are a lot more people like this than in high school and you do not get made fun of in college for being in this group, people will just ignore you. You just have to find your little click that you fit in to in college and things will be a lot better, trust me I know this from experience. Also I found myself involved in "extreme" sports now, and trust me that does take your mind off of everything. I rock climb and skydive and when you are climbing or jumping the last thing on your mind is what you look like. PLEASE just TRY a few things and see how you feel, 1. don't drink your depression away that turns out to be very bad trust me. 2. Jump out of a airplane it is addicting, and if you like it do AFF and become a skydiver, trust me even my ugly ass even got laid for the first time because girls thought i was "exotic" after they see me jumping out of a airplane 3. Rock climb, it will take your mind off of everything while you are climbing, and you will get in better shape and have a better looking body, trust me on this one, i got involved in these sports almost a year ago and now I am pretty ripped. 4. If you need someone to talk to that won't judge you you can get ahold of me,because most people will just tell you that you have inner beauty that girls look for and that is a bunch of pure BS, we all know that inner beauty is just a big checking account.
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