I am 25 years old and feel like my life is completely screwed.

I have suffered from major anxiety and depression since I was very young (before elementary school) and have fought it ever since.

School was a horrible experience from me, my anxiety would cause horrible stomach issues so I was sick all the time, then that progressed into the fear of getting sick. Panic attacks were the norm and still are many days.

I think I have a phobia of work and I cannot figure it out or get past it. I had my first job when I was sixteen and loved it, I had to quit due to school but then got another job after I graduated high school and worked there for about a year. As time went by I grew extremely bored and almost aggravated at the job. I started feeling sick again and started to always look for ways to miss days.

Another job came and same thing happened.

Then I found a part time job I enjoyed as it fit my one and only true passion, I worked there for six years on and off, last year I decided to bust my butt to impress the higher ups to possibly ensure more work, only to have days cut and treated in my opinion like anyone else. I was mad and once again started the calling out, getting sick, etc. I was also put on Prozac which was HORRIBLE.

I had a very hard time the past five years or so finding a real full time job. Nobody would hire me. I applied everywhere and only had one interview, I even had a background check ran for myself to make sure nothing was on it.

A few months ago I was hired to work for a company from home. It was a fantastic opportunity because it got rid of my getting sick at work fear, paid well, and had potential to move up. I got married, life was good, my future was bright.

I ended up losing the job because I couldn't figure half of it out. It wasn't even hard, it was just customer service type stuff. This murdered me in the head and now I can't stop thinking what I lost.

I have ZERO motivation to try looking again because I know how hard it is and don't trust myself. I hate almost everything, I have one passion and I consider it my only opportunity in life to go anywhere but it cannot be done without money. So I'm in such a bind I can't figure out what to do.

I sincerely feel like my whole life I've had a phobia to work, I may like a job for a few weeks, then hate it, one week may try to miss the whole week, it's almost like more of a phobia to commit to doing anything. Whether it's fear of how I will feel, failure, I have no idea.

I am not on any medicine now, it made things worst. I'm just completely lost in life and quickly falling. Has anyone else dealt with similar issues? How did you overcome them or did you?
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replied October 16th, 2013
Wow, I have never ever read anything like this from someone else. This is my EXACT (well pretty much) same experience. I am a go-getter, not to be denied of a job when I want one kind of person, so I kept getting jobs but it's been the same old story over and over. If it's not my anxiety about getting/being sick, it's my dread of being around the people and hating them and all of the constricting qualities of being trapped in a building where I have to pretend to be happy.
I am almost 29 years old and I have had just shy of 60 jobs in the past 13 years.
I've learned to just press forward and not think so much about all the negative feelings about work. I've learned to have "plans" for if my anxiety flares up and I get sick, etc. I have learned to focus on how depressing and miserable it is to leave another job and be unemployed and feel like a big effin' loser. That last one is pretty good motivation. I'm still having trouble keeping a job for very long because of my extreme agitation with people and being demeaned but so far I've been at my current job for 5 months. If I can handle the country music and the white trash cow chewing ice all day next to my ear for a few more months until I get into the field I want (where I have freedom!) it will be a miracle.
But have hope! You must keep having hope! You must refuse to be the loser you already feel like and keep trying and keep trying and keep trying! One of these days the opportunities for happiness in a job will come to us, just keep trying to go forward. You never know where an opportunity will come from. You may meet a very important connection through a dead-end piece of crap job, I've seen it happen.
You can do it, man!
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