I dont know it anymore, the last couple months were great. Now im getting all crazy again. I dont know even were to start.... crazy mood swings is what i call them
First Of all I have mild HPPD, I see random things flying through my view(duo drug abuse)
The mornings are the thougest, I feel so dissoriented/paranoid/stupid thoughts (like stupid music running through my head wich influence my thoughts). Until I take my coffee smoke cig listing to my own music, the last days I took my coffee it didnt help any more ..

How the days goes all depends on luck..

I have this stupid things as well to prepare myself for the day, like looking in the mirror really clear. IF i dont do that my view becomes really foggy when i get out of the house. I also found out when something greats happend in a day, My mental dissabilty become less. I am also very senstive,if i feel cold my thoughts change if im hot my thought changes if i have a headache my thoughts change all drasticaly

The greatest issue is how i look through my eyes, sometimes I can look through my eyes really crazy.The worst thing is I make people scared with, I can understand that because when i look in the mirror when i have that crazy look I think wow thats some crazy serial killer look.When this happens i can see everthing really cleaer its like i go from 800 600x monitor to full HD, I cant stop it

I have paranoid thoughts, I know they are not real. But They still come in my mind.
I have stupid fanties, like being a warlord. I enjoy those.
Sometimes I think I am the smartes man in the world and the best looking man in the world.
I also try to follow stereotypes in my head.

There are many many more i cant take this anymore

ATM i am doing really bad all symtomps are fully back and running, the last time this happend was like 3 years ago. I think this happend because I play a very good pc game and got to much dopamine

WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE????????? TELL ME SOMEON........
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replied December 1st, 2009
Experienced User
BTW i did like to add that maybe tommorow i dont feel like this anymore and im normal again. I will respond or look again maybe in like a week later.. Serious sorry im just to mental instable right now Sad
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replied December 1st, 2009
Do you have family and friend support? I found that whilst in the grips of psychosis, or whilst I had my head in the clouds that my friends and family (mostly family) were my best reference. I would constantly speak to them and if I said something weird, or not REAL they would tell me, I them slowly thought by thought dismissed everything that was not real and replaced it with rational thoughts. THis is VERY VERY hard. Because you have to abandon all things you believe in and listen to others until your thoughts are rational again. Don't be afraid of this we all need other people thats why there are so many of us! Someone will help! Just keep trying. Thomas Edison had millions of failures before that light bulb finally stayed on! Sometimes antipsychotic meds might be needed for a short time to get you through, like olanzapine, zyprexa, or abilify (aripiprazole) your doctor will decide this! STAY AWAY FROM OTHER MIND ALTERING DRUGS!!!!! Alcohol, marijuana, or ANYthing else,cigarettes may seem like they reduce symptoms, but are addictive, so BE AWARE. Avoid coffee, it will speed you up even your thoughts, and may increase anxiety.Choose relaxing alternatives like Valerian or chamomile tea. Visualise closing the door on anything unreal, visualise a pink mist around you that deflects anything bad and only love penetrates to you. USe mindful meditation to ground yourself. This is when you become fully aware of something, for example candy, notice the colour, the texture, the wrapper, what is it made of, the sound of openning the wrapper, how you begin to salivate, the smell, the weight of it on your tounge, and the shape in your mouth, how it makes you feel etc etc etc.This is a very powerful tool to ground you in the present moment. There are many people to help, don't be disheartened by a few that may run a mile, keep looking! Especially on internet, sites such as (this is Australian) beyondblue.com.au but also be careful of websites, be sure they are there to help you not just in it for there own agender which may just be to force there beliefs on to you, you should not feel pressure.
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replied December 2nd, 2009
Experienced User
hi ZURI0405 ,
I am so gratful u posted that, Today in the morning I looked through ur post and it made all sense.

I had a great day, the candy trick is really usefull

I also came on a theory myself, I think we people just run away for reality. I smoked on a younger age for a long weed, I think my brain never learn the abilty to coop with real reality. Plus I think we people should put allot of time in emotions which we never worked at(for me these were very painfull emotions which i deal a long time ago with, this helped me for allot). In my opinion I think is this just a severe form of derealistion dissorder. because sometimes I am just so far away from reality, stupid paranoid thoughts and crazy fantasies pop ups because we wanna stay in that "other reality" because we have our emotions we never worked on.

I know I shouldnt cheer too soon, but atleast i know for me personally what the cause is of this mental dissablity

Thanks, and peace
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