Medical Questions > Mental Health > Anxiety and Stress Forum

Paranoid , anxious , stressed

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and things were really really great. But these past couple of months have been very scary. He gets extremely paranoid, anxious, and stressed over the littlest things. It has gotten to the point that we can barely go to the store without him freaking out and wanting to go home. Restaurants are now completely out of the question. He thinks he can talk to people through the walls of our apartment complex and he thinks he can control a person's action just by thinking about them doing it. Worst of all? He doesn't think any of this is a big deal!!! He refuses to seek any sort of help even though I have threatened to leave him if he doesn't. He thinks I am cheating on him with my friend/neighbor (i am not, we are just good friends). However, I am finding myself happier with this friend than with my boyfriend only because I don't become depressed when around him. I don't ever want to think of us breaking up but it is becoming very overwhelming. I don't know what to do.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper ginger055
|

User Profile
replied November 24th, 2010
Experienced User
You are a wonderful girlfriend and friend for caring about him and posting this! I'm no doctor but It sounds like he may have a pretty severe mental illness. I have bipolar disorder myself.
Maybe you could rephrase the way you ask him? To him, what he's doing probably seems normal. Tell him you really care about him and suggest he just talk to someone. So he won't feel pressured. Maybe even talk to someone else he trusts? How old are you two if you don't mind me asking? Sorry, I'm not sure if you're in your teens or not.

What he's feeling and thinking are beyond his control. You do deserve to be happy. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions since I'm not sure of your age? If he's a teen you could try talking to a parent or someone you trust. Are you afraid of breaking up with him because of his behavior or your bond with him?

Sorry if I'm not much help. At least trying to provide support. I understand this can be overwhelming :hugs:
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 24th, 2010
Hi, thank you for your reply! We are both in our early twenties. I have confided in his best friend who has been trying to help as well. Some days he can be completely normal, but they never last. The hardest part is that we just moved in together about six months ago. So when I feel like I need a break from being his therapist, there are not many places to go.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied November 26th, 2010
Experienced User
Ok we're the same age! My boyfriend is also bi-polar so in a way I can relate to the stress it can cause. You shouldn't have to be his "therapist". That puts a lot of weight on you too.

Did you live together before you moved in? That can be extremely stressful and cause a lot of anxiety for anyone. It might take longer for him to adjust.
When I needed a break (a couple of months ago, actually), we talked about it. I decided we should be friends and I'd always have his back. The reassurance really helped. It wasn't easy at all but we learned a lot during it.

For example, with myself, before I got help I always felt like i was a burden to everyone even though I threw my problems on everyone, I kept my true feelings inside which only made my behavior worse. When someone tried to help me I'd feel guilty or angry. If someone really wanted to help, I'd become obsessed with the fact that they would leave and become more depressed. No matter what they said. After a while it became a wake up call and I agreed to talk to someone. There's always hope.

You can support him just try not to take on too much weight. Every now and then, reassure him that it will be ok, you're there for him when he needs you etc.

Also, if he's anything like I was, he might think getting help is "weak" or means that he's mentally ill. Even if he really is! A lot of people see this stigma attached to mental illness like it's "taboo" when it's not. Try rephrasing it if you can.

There are more options now.

The most important thing you can do is take care of yourself! That's when you're at your best! I've been there, so feel free to message me or anything. Sorry this was so long! lol. Stay safe and take care

-Christy
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 1st, 2010
Thank you Christy,

I do think that he doesn't want to be labeled as a "crazy person", which is probably why he won't get help. I need him to. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. I feel like I need a break, its not that I don't love him, I do, but I can't keep having the same arguments day after day.

Example: we went to a concert last night and he started crying before the show even began. He thinks he is connected with the audience. He believes that one person in the entire audience is sad, then he starts to cry. Whatever I say just goes right through him and although I know that he doesn't mean to ignore me, it still hurts.

Sometimes he goes into a depressed state and no matter what I do or say, nothing makes him happy. I have almost no friends anymore because most of my free time is spent at home helping him.

Right now I think I could help him more by being his friend, not his lover. This emotional connection is so draining. But how could I ever say that to him? It would kill him. I dont know how he would react. And how could we be just friends and live together too? I feel like I am trapped, yet a large part of me still loves him so much. Just a small part feels like running away. But right now his refusal to seek help isn't giving me a whole lot of other options.

Thank you for replying, it really helps.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Learn how doctors clinically diagnose one of twelve kinds of anxiety disorders...and which doctors you should see for an anxiety diagnosis....
Anxiety disorders can affect anyone. But do you know the common signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders? Learn more now....
Anxiety is a normal, healthy emotion when experienced during specific moments. But do you know the signs that anxiety has gotten out of control? Read more here...