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Paranoid about abortion ???

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Well I'm pretty young and I aspire to become a doctor,an Obstetrician gynecologist to be exact. But by the time I get out of school I'm going to be at least 28. My big issue is that I keep obsessing over what would happen if I got pregnant in the duration of this time. I stress and stress over it so much. I honestly don't know why. i think I developed some type of anxiety over it. I'm pro-choice and I keep telling myself "Well if my birth control fails I'll just have an abortion" But of course nothing's that easy. I feel so sinful for even thinking that way but at the same time I don't want to let ANYTHING get in the way of my career. Mostly because my mother's always wanted to be a doctor and I feel like because of my conception and ultimately my birth I ripped that chance from her. And even though I know its not my fault I've felt guilty about it for years. So I figured to make up for it by becoming a doctor myself(not JUST for her but I actually want to do it too.) I don't know. Sometimes I think of abortion as merely disposing of the developing flesh that is not yet ready for a soul to be implanted into it. And sometimes I think about it like me sacrificing my child for my mother's pride in me. What's wrong with me?
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replied December 9th, 2009
I was the same way with my career. My older sister got pregnant when she was 15 but had a miscarriage and my father got really mad. She had her first child when she was 19 and my father again got mad. My parents had a hard divorce when I was younger as well which really effected me. I always looked at my career and school as a way out, to be independent so that I never depended on a man. Well I got pregnant when I was 19 and in school to become an engineer. I panicked, got so scared at what my life would be, my career, my father, I got deeply depressed and almost pretended to be someone I wasn't. I went to a clinic and took the abortion pill. I would never suggest it to anyone! Four years later and I still think about it almost everyday. I hate myself for doing it. It was a horrible experience physically and emotionally. maybe I am the type of person that just couldn't handle it but it ruined my life, my relationship, and my heart. It is the one thing I regret the most in life and would never recommend it to anyone else. I believe I could have succeeded in my dreams and could be happy if i didnt do it
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replied December 9th, 2009
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msac wrote:
I was the same way with my career. My older sister got pregnant when she was 15 but had a miscarriage and my father got really mad. She had her first child when she was 19 and my father again got mad. My parents had a hard divorce when I was younger as well which really effected me. I always looked at my career and school as a way out, to be independent so that I never depended on a man. Well I got pregnant when I was 19 and in school to become an engineer. I panicked, got so scared at what my life would be, my career, my father, I got deeply depressed and almost pretended to be someone I wasn't. I went to a clinic and took the abortion pill. I would never suggest it to anyone! Four years later and I still think about it almost everyday. I hate myself for doing it. It was a horrible experience physically and emotionally. maybe I am the type of person that just couldn't handle it but it ruined my life, my relationship, and my heart. It is the one thing I regret the most in life and would never recommend it to anyone else. I believe I could have succeeded in my dreams and could be happy if i didnt do it


I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My heart aches for you. Please get some counseling it may seem like its too late but its not. No one deserves to feel like crap everyday for the rest of their lives over one mistake. I don't know if your religious but I'll pray for you to get better Sad
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