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Paranoia , depression , insomnia and ADHD

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Hi, I’m new to the forum and my name’s Griffin. I know this is long, but I need some advice.

Ever since I was young, I’ve had problems with paranoia, depression, insomnia and ADHD. Now I’m sixteen and the first three have gotten worse. I’ve also had problems with chronic asthma.

My severe paranoia problems seriously hamper my dad to day life. When I was eight, I was falsely arrested and my fear of small spaces became a phobia and I started being afraid of cops. From that time, my paranoia escalated from understandable to extreme. First is my dire fear of being abandoned due to a few abandonments by both friends and family members. Second is my fear of people and things behind me. Often I have to continuously peer behind me to make sure no one is following me. When I sleep, my back has to be up against the wall. In a restaurant, I have to sit against the wall or in a booth. When I got to school or go outside, I have to wear a bulky hoodie to feel somewhat safe or protected. In addition I have this fear or being shot, anywhere, but mostly down the street. What makes it silly is that I live in a small town where the only gun I’ve ever seen is my granddad’s rifle. Matching this, I always fear that someone is listening to my calls, so I’m scared to talk very long on the phone and about anything personal. I even stop to check if it’s been bugged or not. Because of my paranoia, I get a lot of cold chills during the day that will make me twitch randomly. The worse affect this has on my life is I don’t trust anyone, even the only two friends I have. I want to, but I find it impossible.

Depression also throws a problem in my way. My parents were always strict about rules and grades so as I grew up I learned to reprimand myself for anything below a B. If I do one thing wrong, whether or not my parents get mad at me, I’ll beat myself, mentally over the ordeal. Though I’ve never been worried about the way I look, I often find myself upset that I’m not pretty and wonder that if I was, would people pay more attention to me. Other than that I’ve gone through three divorces between both my parents. Sometimes I blame myself and it’s even worse on my 2 younger siblings who I blame myself for not protecting during the latest divorce and custody battle. I used to cry myself to sleep a long time ago, but now I find myself unable to cry. My eyes burn, but no tears come out. At school I’m really shy and refuse to interact with anyone other than my friends and sometimes not even them.

Insomnia also plays a horrible liability for me. As a junior in high school, sleep is important and yet I find myself only getting, at most, three to four hours of restless sleep. It’s not like I want to stay up, I just can’t sleep. If I read or listen to music I might be lucky to get to sleep before midnight. I’ve tried to take sleeping pills like Melatonin, but I stopped because they always gave me horrifying nightmares. During the day, I have problems with fatigue and a mixture of tension and cluster headaches.

My ADHD hasn’t affected me that badly since my middle school years, but I still have problems. During school, I have to either write poetry, short stories or read to be able to listen to my teacher. Luckily I can multitask, but I find myself getting into loads of trouble. If I don’t do anything other than listen to the teacher, my mind wanders and I often find myself thinking about nothing at all and I miss everything the teacher says. I fidget a lot still and during my free time, only with my friends, I act silly and talk really fast.

Again I know this is long, but I have never ending list of problems and I’m not even going in depth. Razz And advice, help, anything, would be appreciated.
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replied September 24th, 2009
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m advice is to go to a therapist and to focus on things that benifits your future and stop focusing on ur illness it will drive you crazy.
keep ure self busy in a hobby or job it will help try to get involve in some thing you like a sport or something art .....
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replied February 25th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
I would suggest you to take antidepressants and have psychotherapy sessions like CBT to overcome all these disorders.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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