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Okay. So I'm wanting to move to a town that is about 2 hours away from where i currently live and my parents are so pessamisstic about it. They tell me that I won't be able to make it. I've talked to my mom only about it because my dad seems to ask more questions than she does. I am 21 years old and I've had so many horrible things happen to me in this town (lonliness, burdens, and i've been raped)all i want to do is get out, and get to friends that are my support system. My parents are of course the best support system, but i don't tend to tell them all of my problems because they are over-protective of me and worry a lot. I am completely stable....given the hope that i will move out of my parents house. I talked to my mom once again today about it and she asked me why I hadn't talked to my dad about it. I said that I was afraid he would do the same thing that he always does and come up with excuses for me not to leave. I know that they are my parents and I am their oldest daughter...but they drive me CRAZY! my mom still refers to us as "the children" which i know is normal but it kind of makes me mad..but how can I convince them that I am a 21 year old (young) ADULT who can make her own decisions for once? Keep in mind that they always have a very good counter to everything I say.
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replied September 29th, 2008
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does anybody have anything to say they are driving me crazy preaching. i'll get to that later. i'm about to go to a forced bible study.
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replied September 29th, 2008
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I understand your parents concern however you are 21 and you are correct you are a young adult.

I would sit down with them both and tell them that you are aware that they are concerned about you however you will not be 1/2 way around the world, only 2 hours away as well as by phone, e-mail. You are not doing this to hurt them by to help heal yourself as you need to live your life. Do you know when your parents left their nest? And wonder what their parents thought? Sometimes us older folks forget what it is like being young and just need to be reminded.

My daughter is your age and her dad and I have a great relationship with her and if she told us what you are telling your parents, we would support her decision.

~Zig
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replied September 29th, 2008
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the thing that makes me so angry is that they got married whem my mom was 18 my dad was 21, and they lived together and partied, it's hypacritical. plus, i don't even do anything. i just sit in my room all day because they piss me off so much. if i do go out, it's rare.
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replied September 29th, 2008
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Oh, they want you to do as they say and not as they did. That is terrible.

What are they going to do, ground you? It's your life, they'll get over it. They should be happy that you want to be on your own. I know other parents who can't get their 30 something out of the house.

~Zig
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replied September 29th, 2008
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my family owns a restaurant. we moved to this small town and my parents worked at this restaurant, and they ask me to work there ALL OF THE TIME. i used to work there regularly, but hated the fact that its my familys restaurant and constantly being expected to work every shift, no breaks. so i quit. I live in a small town and it is hard to find a decent job. I feel that i cannot get a job because my parents keep coming up with ways to get me to keep coming back there like, and they tell me after i cover that shift for someone i can look for a new job, but then they ask me to cover shifts for a person who quit, and i feel like i'm stuck.
my mom and i drove to the town i wanted to move to yesterday and somehow, i was persuaded not to live there. i do agree really, i don't think that that town has much to offer to me, so i agreed. But what makes me so mad is the fact that my mom was SO excited that i decided not to go. It makes me feel like i'm being kept forever. While we were there, i went to hang out with my friends that i haven't seen in forever, and I know, I did stay out late, but my mom called me up crying, asking where the hell I was, and freaking out. I'm 21 years old. And it was utterly embarassing to get that voicemail and my friends are like, was that your mom and I have to explain myself because of her. I can't stand it any longer. I actually stayed at a girlfriends house not to long ago. A totally normal 21 year old situation of goin to the pub, getting a ride home, and me just crashing on the couch. in the morning my parents actually searched the town for my car, and came to her house and was screaming at me. get your a** home, and stuff like that. Since i was really young my family hasn't been very religious at all. if you knew what i go through. You would know why I am a wreck. My parents are odd, and took up the jehovah's witness religion. That was that bible study i just came back from. My parents have turned into religious lunatics, which isnt bad, but i feel that my life isn't as enjoyable as it used to be. Every conversation turns around to religion, and I'm sorry, when you don't raise someone to be religious and a 21 year old hasn't gone to church but maybe one day a year religion is kind of a uncomfortable subject. I do believe in god, and i wanna choose my OWN religion, freedom of religion. but if you know a jehovah's witness, they shun all of the other churches. I also think that my parents have gone crazy. The other night, my dad told me that my mom saw demons in our house and stuff. I think they are being brainwashed and they are going crazy and THEY ARE TAKING THEM WITH ME! I'm so upset, because i'm such a loser living at home in my room constantly, and just visiting my friends that seem to live way more productive and interesting lives than me. it's just really depressing. I feel like they are trying to keep me here. It's horrible and i'm so depressed now I wish I had never visited that town, I wish my mom had never went with me filling my head with bad things about that town (it's Lawrence KS) and I wish I could start my own life. instead of letting them run it for me. I know I have to take control, but my mom and dad are constantly putting me down and saying I could never make it on my own. They treat me like a china doll but I am stronger than they think. I have goals and they aren't helping me reach them, they are hindering me. It is driving me crazy and I just want everyone in the internet universe to know that. sorry it's so long. props to someone who reads and understands.
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replied September 29th, 2008
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I read and understand. Sounds as if they want to have complete control and keep you from seeing the rest of the world. Not all of it is bad. We learn from our lessons as I am sure they have as well.

In this case, I would work as much as my body would allow me to do and save, save, save and then decide where YOU want to live, same state, different state.

Is there a community college close by? Maybe getting a degree in something that you love which could land you a job elsewhere and out of the town in which you currently reside.

Your parents should be proud that you want to be your own person, just because you want to leave the nest does not mean that you will forget them or what you have learned. It's your turn, they had theirs...

~Zig
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replied September 29th, 2008
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i don't mean to speak like 21 is old. i know it's not old, it's young. but i feel that i'm old enough to make my own decisions, as long as they are responsible ones, and i'm sick of my parents hindering me from doing that.
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replied May 6th, 2009
seriously, i'm going to be seventeen on july 2nd, and i'm in love with a guy that lives over 1000 miles away from me, when i'm 18. my parents don't approve of it, they may never forgive me. but i'm doing it anyway, because i love him, and i want out of this place. your parents are there to guide you through your life, and encourage you to do the things that YOU want to do. i say you should do it no matter what they say, they don't own you. you are your own person, and your life isn't their's anymore.
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