Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

On the verge of ending it all

my life has no ups. all there is is down. every time i think that may be i have a chance; god shuts the door and he makes sure the windows have bars.all i want is a chance to be happy. i'm 21 and i cant even remember ever really smiling. i act like every things ok and recently the only person i have been in contact with for a year doesn't talk to me no more. In this whole world i cant find not one person to even talk to. I have no good memories of my childhood. My mother died when i was young. and all i can show for my childhood are bruises and cuts. My dad did not hold back, from hammers to wires, whips, bare fists even having other people beat me . but until i was 15 i thought at least i have some friends in school, at least i have cousins. so i went to my moms family for help but even after all those promises they made they sent me back to him. He sent me off to africa. I was 15 and i ended up in an african prison. sharing a cell with 17 other men, there were no windows, only a single door and a bucket. and when i finally got out i was in a war zone, i was shot and almost died. and i think that for the first time i was happy for a few hours , thinking that soon it would be over. 6 years have passed and i'm back in the UK and i have never felt so alone. I have no job, no friends, no care whether i live or die, but the pain is just too much, i cannot act as if everything will be alright there anything i can do to change this? please....someone....anyone
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replied November 29th, 2010
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Hi O_1 and welcome to ehealth: Have you considered joining the military in whatever area that you live...There you might be able to lay the ground work to find something interesting in life to do...Sometimes having some sound structure in your life can work wonders...Many of us have had a hard life and slowly, but surely dug ourselves out of the dark abyss of self doubt...Good luck and I send you my best wishes....

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