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Old relationship problems hurting me

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I was just re reading the jealously thread. I think I have a problem with it to an extent. My ex boyfriend cheated on me. I don't know how many but I know I found phone numbers in his phone. We did end up breaking up and iv'e found someone new who is the greatest boyfriend i've had. . . ever. However, I have issues with trust and jealously. My boyfriend has never done *anything* to make me think he was cheating. He has never made me feel like poop and we have a great relationship!

A few weeks ago we went out to a bar and the waitress was a girl he went to school with. She *had* to touch his arm while saying "Oh, you were in my biology class!". I guess it's the way she said it and she had to touch him. It made me mad but I didn't say anything.

Now last week he was selling a twin size bed on Cragslist and obviously people were e-mailing him about it and he would give them his number to contact him. We got home on Saturday and I walked into the bathroom as he was emptying his pockets. There was a number on a piece of paper with a girls name. He said "f***! I forgot to call that lady today about the bed!". My mind started racing with all the possibilities. I got nosy and looked at the back of the paper. it was reciept paper from his job, but it wasn't an actual reciept. It looked like it was just ripped off the machine. He doesn't go on his e-mail at work so how did he get that phone number? I want to ask because I saw it but then I think about him being truthful and me over reacting and forcing him to push himself away with my insecurities.

I quite honestly do not think he would ever cheat or is cheating on me now His behavior is not changed really, still normal. I am afraid to ask him about that because we have had talks about my insecurity before and I don't want it to come up again and him end up getting tired of it/me. What should I do? What would you do if you were me? Should I wait and watch to see if anything odd happens and then ask him about it? If there isn't anything going on, he;s going to be hurt that I would think such a thing (which is what I think will end up happening)

Thank you to who ever reads this novel. I'm sorry it's so long.
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replied August 27th, 2008
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You do have isuues, but in this world of people who do not value marriage vows or the trust that goes along with dating relationships, it is somewhat understandable.

Remember that you must trust him a little. If you didn't then you couldn't love him. If you are constantly snooping into his affairs, then there can be no relationship. Wouldn't you be offended if he did the same to you? There always is an element of trust in every relationship. You have to respect his personal space too.

People are not robots and can't be perfect all the time and they don't have complete control over every situation.

He hasn't cheated on you. Don't blame him for what other people do infront of your face. The waitress could be trying to pick him up because she has issues too or that could just be her personality......the possibilities are endless. Don't blame him for something that your previous boyfriend did. Put your past behind you and love him for who he is, not who you think you might imagine him to be because of your experiences.

I hope this helps you.
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replied August 27th, 2008
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I went through it, too, SmCmF, and so did my bf. The only thing that worked to alleviate our concerns was time.

It wasnt overnight that you became who you are about this, it's not going to be overnight to fix.

I'd tell him you have a past, and describe it, and maybe he'll be more understanding if you show concerns later on.
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replied August 28th, 2008
I don't snoop, I do trust him that much. It's not his fault that I have problems, your right. I just don't know how to completely knock my wall down. I do love him, so so much. It's not for who I want him to be either because i've been down that road and don't wish to travel it again. I love him for all the good and the bad. You are right though and yes you did help me. Thank you Smile

Birch, I have talked to him more than twice about my problems and having my wall up. He actually was feeling the same was as I was because he went through the same thing with his ex (minus the hitting).

Thank you both for your input Smile
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