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Okay, I give up.

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I can't do it anymore. It hurts.

From this point on, I am crazy, the voices are not real,
the hallucinations are not real or caused by anything real, the medication is helping and is absolutely nessacary, people want to help me because they are nice and I trust them.

And we live in a good world, and everything will be fine.

P.S. Forcing yourself to actually be delusional is not what I had in mind, but screw it, might as well have some fun right.
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replied June 1st, 2011
Experienced User
Unfortunately, by merely being schizophrenics, we are the definition of "crazy".

I personally believe the voices *are* real. I hear them plain as day myself, as if an actual person were standing in front of me and holding up the other side of a conversation. But! I believe they are manufactured from somewhere within us -- not from outside sources.

When you think about it... Thought patterns can sometimes be non-vocalized words, depending on how they are phrased. When you're staring at your boss while he's spouting off the most ridiculous nonsense you have ever heard, you actually hear your own voice in your head saying to him, "My God, you are a total idiot." If you had thought, "this guy is a total idiot", you would not have heard a voice, as the thought pattern registers in a fleeting instant. But... you looked at the dweeb and clearly said to him in your head "you are a total idiot". You did not call him an idiot out loud... But... You heard the voice plain as day nonetheless. Even the most normal brain can manufacture that particular voice internally... Why not other voices? Perhaps we schizophrenics are ambivoicetrous. Heh.

Medication is supposed to help get rid of the voices. But... The only way I would even consider trying medication again is if I were being treated by a physician who happens to be schizophrenic himself. Find me one of those, and he will have my business for life. The rest of them have no idea what we are going through. It is the latter who say "the voices are not real".

Mickey Mouse is not real. There is no way I could ever possibly come across a cute little talking mouse with a pet dog named Pluto. But... I actually do hear the schizophrenia voices. They *are* real.

Now that I'm used to the voices, though, I'd kinda hate to see them go. Once in a while, when they are muffled, I actually feel a void and panic like, OMG! Where did they go??!! Like I lost my car keys or something. Perhaps it's the crazy side of me speaking, but I kind of like having them around. They are a part of me now.
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