Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

Nothing seems to matter

I'm a 21 year old male and life just seems to get worse. When I was 4 my dad died and I was too young to understand I would never get to see him again and even though I was so young I feel as if I was denied of one of those things most kids my age take for granted and it really hurt. I grew up without a father figure and I never really got into "guy things" like sports or cars. Both of my sisters left their husbands and went into hiding for a while and I feel as if I might do that too and it scares me. I started dating a girl from school my freshmen year in high school and I never felt anything like the feelings I had then. I might have been young, but I'm assuming that was love I felt. I was with her for 6 years and in the last 2 years she started hanging out with a bad crowd and started avoiding me for them. She started drinking and doing heavy drugs and I there was nothing I could do to stop her. We argued a lot and sometimes I'd do things I will always regret and it makes me feel like it's my fault she did the things she did. On valentines day this past year she canceled our date and I couldn't take it anymore. I broke up with her and since then I've been nothing but lonely. She was a cheater and had become somebody that wasn't the girl I loved anymore. I can't get over the girl she used to be and I can't find anybody else who reminds me of her. It's almost a year now and I still want her to come back. I recently got new roommates and I really hoped that having somebody around for a change would help me not be so lonely anymore. But it just seems to be getting worse. I love my roommates, they're the best friends I could ask for, but I can't talk to them about this. I don't want to put my problems onto other people but I'm running out of options. I can't find enjoyment out of anything anymore and just sit in my dark room by myself. I need some advice. Please help me....
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replied December 27th, 2009
That sucks man. Yeah I had a similar experience, the girl I really liked turned into someone completely different. A cheating, drug addicted party...chick. So yeah, I hated her so much because she just kept hurting me, but at the same time I couldn't get away from her because I loved the person she used to be too much.

Don't know about you, but some rational thinking helped me a bit. See it like that: There are about 7 billion people on earth, you know maybe....lets say 100...only such a little part of humanity, yet you already found someone you can love so much in those 100. There are millions of girls like her out there. And millions of better girls. So don't give up, she isn't the only one.

You deserve better and breaking up was already the hardest step. It can only go up for you now.

Good luck man.
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replied December 27th, 2009
many years ago i was the girl who went from nice, loving girlfriend to druggy, party girl. i hurt many people that i had cared about. but i never stopped to think about them because i was living fast and drugs had become my love. i will tell you this; if she ever does want to change, she will have a long hard road ahead of her. so she really is gone. it sounds like you have gotten a bit stuck. it is time for you to move on but you sit in the dark. like Patz says there are many caring women out there if you only go out and look. if you are really really feeling like you can't get moving on your own, think about seeing a counselor. you definitely need someone to talk to. it's great that you came here and asked for help. please keep us posted on how you are doing. we're here for you. you are not alone.
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replied December 28th, 2009
Community Volunteer
I am sorry about your Father, but this happens to many people nowadays...Hold your memory of what you think he would have been like close to your heart...This way, he will always be someone that you can admire without ever knowing him...Unfortunately, I knew mine...It is not a memory that I hold dear to my heart...It is just a memory...

Maybe your looking in the wrong places for a girlfriend...Why not hang out at the library or book store...That is a wonderful place to meet someone that isn't looking for finding the wild side of life...Whether you know it, guys are in demand with women...Sometimes they have volunteer help and it can be a fun place to meet people...

Don't stress yourself out...You are young...You will find your dream as I have found mine...I wish you well...

Caroline
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