Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

No relationship in 5 years

Hi all

I'm 23, Male and haven't had a Girlfriend in the last 5 years its absolutely killing me as i'm constantly surrounded by it. The worst part of it is that i can't figure out why. This issue plus medically diagnosed social phobia has led me to be depressed pretty much full time. I contemplate suicide daily (although have never got to the point i could see myself carrying through with it).

A bit about me - This is going to sound conceited but believe me i'm not (i have very little self worth and i'm well aware that i shouldn't). I'm going to break it down into what a believe are pros and cons of me as a person and perhaps a little insight into them would be great if people want to reply.

Achiever - Degree with Honors First Class in the Medical Sciences
Career - 2 years to go and then i'm a Medical Doctor. Will hopefully get into Obstetrics in the near future
Outgoing - I'm pretty much always keen on socialising, trying new things, meeting new people. I'll be out fairly frequently.
Great snowboarder/hockey player
Great musician - Play Drums, Keyboard, Guitar, Flute and DJ
Talented Artist - Frequently do design work for university events etc, clothing design etc.
Funny - I'm pretty regularly getting laughs in social situations, i tend to be fairly witty.

Cons - Red Hair, Zero Self Confidence, Zero self worth, Too concerned with pleasing other people.

So i'm average looking, i've put photos up on "hotornot" and they've scored like solid 7s and 8s but i take a lot of time and effort into my apperance

So all my friends are pretty successful (lots of future doctors etc, all have degrees) everyone is pretty outgoing, we go out clubbing to bars, parties etc regularly. All of us have great stories to tell as we've all have a fair amount of world/travel experience as well as lots of cool medical stories. I can hold my own in most conversations just as well as they can yet all of them, male and female have suitors hanging off them constantly. and i'm the only one who doesn't.

I just dont understand. Every single day that goes by where i observe my friends and colleagues (ranging from ages 21-28 ) in all sorts of relationships kills me.

My brother and best friend know how i really feel and they keep questioning me saying "why on earth do you feel this way" saying that i have nothing to be depressed about, (ie good career, social etc) but it seems to just get worse each day.

Medication - Bad idea when you're trying to study medicine, too many side effects to deal with (believe me i've tried)

Counseling and Therapy - No luck for me

Some thoughts and feedback would be greatly appreciated. Most of all i just really wanted to write down how i'm feeling.

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replied May 18th, 2010
Just wanted to say I have a guy friend in a similar situation as you and he is 22. I have depression problems of my own as well but they are different than your own. On a side note I have read that keeping a journal password protected helps you vent how you feel, and exercise has also been experimented with to help people with depression. As far as your social phobia goes I would just try to overcome it as much as you can even if you have to practice having conversations in the bathroom in front of the mirror a hour a day as dorky as that may sound. Further, I also think it takes time to find the right person I mean personally myself I would rather wait a while for the right person to come along then date someone I didn't really like to fill the lonliness. Depression overcomes you when you give up, life is all about the struggle if things were easy life would be boring. Just hang in there. Also your pretty young you still have until your like 40 before having kids becomes difficult if you want to have children. Hope this helps a little bit.
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replied March 20th, 2012
Hi, I read your post and it made me very sad. Honey you have your whole life ahead of you. I know that doesnt help much now. There will be alot of women looking for someone like you. Try to focus on working on you and your self esteem and in your time the women will come, I promise you that. God Bless
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replied August 9th, 2010
Re: No relationship in 5 years
Hi. I read your post and I think it would be nice to talk about this. I was in a way in the same situation. I just singed up on this forum to write you this message. You can contact me at Yahoo Mess ID: playing_life
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