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my friend is married for 1yr. & her husband is not interested in making love so, till now they didn't do it even once, not even tried. He said this is my last priority as most important thing for me is good understanding b/w us. He is not very interested in physical touch. Both of them live in India with boy's parents & his job is also very hectic.He is very stubborn type of person. If somebody says him to do something, he'll not do it al all. Now, for this thing also family pressure is there & he is becoming irritated more day by day & don't want to discuss this topic. Now his wife & parents are having some health problems b'cause of this tension. He says that if nobody says me anything i'll try to be normal though i don't like physiacal intimacy so, i can't be good. My friend is in dilema what should she do? Wait or leave everything? Is there any chances for positive results? They also went for councelling & Doc. suggested them to work-out on physical intimacy. Pls. suggest.

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replied December 18th, 2009
Relationships and Marriage Answer A8581

Your friend is indeed in a difficult situation. She has probably married this man thinking that they will have a family and kids. But since her husband is not willing to have physical intimacy, she is probably seeing her dreams getting shattered.

Her husband's statement that he wants to have good understanding between them is valid only when his behavior is rational. In a marital relationship, physical intimacy is very much important for understanding between the partners. But his behavior is not matching his so called priorities.

Whatever is the reason, he definitely needs help. He may be carrying a lot of sex related anxiety or performance anxiety. There may be childhood issues. I am surprised he agreed to go for counseling when the problem is obvious.

There are a few things that should be very clearly put forward. When it comes to marriage, the priorities of any one partner should not be above the marital relationship. For a good understanding between two people, marriage is not necessary. But once married, both partners need to work towards the common goal of a happy and fulfilling marriage.

There's something you can advice your friend. She has to decide what her goals are. She has to clearly define her marital and relationship goals. And whatever action she takes, should take her towards her goals. Then it will be a rational decision. I will not give my opinion on whether she should stay with him or leave him. She has to decide for herself. But she needs to take her decisions based on rational, goal oriented thinking.

I hope this was helpful.


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