Hi I'm new here and my boyfriend of about a month is bipolar. In the beginning things were amazing he was so sweet positive talkative fairy tales soul mates everything. He told me about his ex wife and her little boy how she wont let him see the child. I can tell he really loved her and ever since he talked about it he's been thinking about stuff he said hes been in a mood and he has to work it out for himself and i said ok. Sunday he said we we're fine and I stayed with him and his son. Monday night he texted me and said he felt like he was losing himself in me and how he didnt like it I was making him not be him. He said he couldn't write music because he was worried about us. He said he didnt know if he wanted to be in love really or have a family right now and us being together with his son felt weird and wrong. When I asked him not to give up on us he said he wasnt he just needed time to collect himself. Then last night he said he missed me after I didn't text him all dat then he got mad again I have some stuff there I was gonna get but he said he didn't know the night before so I said ok and then he said he thought I was coming tio get it I asked if he wanted me to thought he had practice and now he doesn't care forget it. Then he got mad I asked if I could come over and said him and his son were in bed going to sleep. I really care about this guy but I am so cofused do I leave him alone do I reassure him? Any advice or anything is so helpful because this is ao new to me.
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replied January 16th, 2014
If he is truly bipolar, then this is just a cycle. Get prepared because it will ALWAYS be like this, it doesn't get better and there is no cure. They push people away and pull them back in. You're welcome to read my story and inbox me!
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replied January 17th, 2014
I think I've accepted its always gonna be like this I just don't ever know how to help. I feel like everything I say is wrong and he's not on medicine or anything. A lot of my friends think I should put my foot down and let him know how I feel (we've never really had an actual conversation about it) but I'm worried that will only make it worse. What do I do when he's like this and how long does it typically last?
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replied January 17th, 2014
Well are you wanting to stay together or split up?
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replied January 17th, 2014
I think I've accepted its always gonna be like this I just don't ever know how to help. I feel like everything I say is wrong and he's not on medicine or anything. A lot of my friends think I should put my foot down and let him know how I feel (we've never really had an actual conversation about it) but I'm worried that will only make it worse. What do I do when he's like this and how long does it typically last?
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replied January 18th, 2014
I'm wanting to stay with him I really care about him but we didn't even talk yesterday and we've barely talked all week. I feel like he's trying to distance himself and leave. I mean is that normal. If he does will he come back?
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replied January 18th, 2014
If you are wanting to stay together I suggest doing lots of research about bipolar, being unconditional with your love and patience is key. It is very common of people with bipolar to push people away and it is very common that they leave their partners. You just have to let go, let him do it and wait for him to come back. You can read my story if you'd like it will help shed some insight.
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replied January 18th, 2014
I've been doing lots of research since he started acting like this and most if it makes me feel helpless and hopeless. I haven't heard from him since last night at all idk what's going on. You said to let him go if he leaves and wait, will he most likely come back or will I just be another one left? I think he's been talking to the girl he was with before me but I'm not sure. I love him I do but how do I know if he's gonna leave or when how long? I'm not saying anything else to him until he talks to me. I did g that all week and he did talk a little. I know it's never gonna change but I wish I knew if he would repeat the cycle with me or just find someone else.
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replied January 18th, 2014
Well he dumped me he's done trying he doesn't wanna feel like he has to change for anyone. When I asked what happened to not giving up he said he's already given up on everything I tried to talk to him he said he didn't wanna talk I asked if we could talk when I got back but he's not saying anything. I don't even know if this is real right now is he gonna change his mind or is this it? I read your story. If I just always be here waiting will he always come back if I let him?
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replied January 20th, 2014
Again, you never know what they will do. Just let him go, he might or might not come back. There is no for sure answer that any of us can give you but my best advice is don't chase him/: I am so sorry this is happening please feel free to Inbox me!
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replied January 17th, 2014
Oh goodness, the fear of "losing my identity" thing...it is what caused both my bipolar exes to leave...and those feelings are cyclical like everything else...tends to come up every time during mania. That's generally why they push away and start wanting more and more space. And it seems the longer you go with them...the more involved in the relationship they get...the more fearful they become. The beginning is usually like a dream come true because they usually find us during hypomania... because they're looking...and everything is new and exciting...and that draws us in...then we become annoying because we are too much into them (because they were into us) and they just kind of stop. At least this is they way it was for me with my ex-husband of 6 yrs and my newly ex-fiance of 5 yrs. Both reverted back to memories of their exes (which were not good according to them). Then when they broke things off and found someone new...they'd contact me and reminisce about the good things about our relationship even though when they left, "it was a bad relationship." (I have been left soooo many times) My new ex had a pattern...every time there was someone new (myself including) he would contact the previous person he was with (even the short flings). He broke up with me for a month and went with someone else...contacting me all the while (she was not me he said). Then when we got back...he started reaching out to her. Crazy. People collector...and tries to leave that door open with all just in case down the line...he's doing that now...re-connecting with those he can just try to have hook-ups with...people who have some distance...

Be careful and think about what you really want...you're only a month in...I don't think, if I could go back...I would've stuck it out. I'm too far in now and my love is too strong now and look at what it got me? I am left with nothing but a severely broken heart. I thought my experience and knowledge with my bipolar ex-husband would help me with this relationship..nothing will stop them from leaving when they're manic and want to. Nothing. And you never know what will trigger an episode. That's why it comes from 'out of nowhere' from our perspective. My ex told me before I left, "I don't think I am the type to ever want to be in another long-term relationship again". Good luck and take care Smile
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replied January 17th, 2014
Wow yeah this isn't my first bipolar boyfriend. The first one we were together off and on 3 years. I already recognize some signs but I didn't take the last one serious we were way too young. I worry he's pushing me away now to leave completely and that scares me will he come back if he does or will that just be it? I'm going out of town for a few days with family and I'm curious how he's gonna react if he'll even care. We haven't seen each other for a few days we were supposed to last night but he had to work late. I'm tempted to just ask if we're gonna see each other before I leave but I haven't heard from him since last night and I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing or anything. I just feel so confused about the whole situation. I don't wanna push make it worse but I don't want him to think this is ok either.
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replied January 18th, 2014
I know where you're coming from... You're walking on eggshells. BP relationships are very controlling...we always having to watch what we say and do so they don't go away. I had to hold so much in that when i was by myself i had to release. You have to remain silent while they take off and leave without explanation and are not allowed to be upset or hurt when they come back/do it again. I probably said a lot of things during my releases i didn't mean..it made me not myself because i love so strong and put so much into it and i do not like to say ugly things. I know our last argument and blew up..called him inhuman, heartless and douchebag. Again..not really how i felt about him..i love him...but he was so cold while dumping me it came out of so much built up hurt. I guess the only advice i can give is..let him have his space (he will take it whether you like it or not).let him know you're there and thinking about him and hope he's ok. You may have to go on the trip without seeing him him first if he doesn't say anything. he will probably contact you at that point. They don't like it when we act 'needy', even though that's not what it is. Try to be strong for you... And keep yourself busy during this time Smile
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replied January 18th, 2014
Yeah eggshells is exactly how I feel. I did ask just casually if he wanted to see me before I left or wait til next week chose next week and I haven't heard anything since. I think I'm gonna take your advice not say anything to him unless he contacts me I'm just scared he won't. Is there any way to know any signs?
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replied January 20th, 2014
I feel exactly the same...My story is quite lond and written several times on this forum. Mine is gone for good now I think...Maybe in love with the one he cheated on me...I don t know. No contact now for 4 months. He blocked me from skype ,fb everything. I don t think he ll come back after so long time with no contact.
I d wish that because I have things to tell him but I think he doesn t even remember my name any longer.
Pity. We were so close and now we are enemies. With no reason. But he is good and gentle with everyone else.
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