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never had orgasm and painful sex

hi, doc, my name is lil, i been married for almost 3yrs now, my hubby was my 1st. but i used to like when we make love, but now is so hard cause we had a baby,his 1yrs old.sex has been the most painful thing i ever experince in my life.it like a knife. i am afraid in the future its gonna cst marrige to end.sometime it take up to 30 min to just begin.now i hate it, and it make me feel like less han a women, cause i can give him what he needs .
please help me
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replied July 17th, 2009
hey, you're giving yourself way too much of a hard time about this and that's going to make the situation worse. if you haven't already, make your partner aware of the situation so he knows he needs to be gentle. try setting aside time, when you have the house to yourself, to make time for each other. don't focus on sex, focus on pleasure. try massage and seduction to turn you on. if penetration is too painful, try oral sex and work from there. the important thing is that you start to associate the sex experience with pleasure instead of pain so you can start to enjoy it again. you could even invest in sex toy. it'll help you discover your g-spot again because you'll be the 1 in control and, eventually, you could even let your partner use this on you so he feels involved too!
the more worked up you get about this the harder it'll be so the important thing is to relax and remember that sex is supposed to be enjoyable - not a chore!!
hope all this helps
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replied July 17th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Many women experience painful sex after child birth. You should go to your gynecologist and get things checked out. It's possible that hormonal changes have made things very dry down there, which can sometimes be fixed through using bottled lubrication or through hormone patches or pills.

There are also conditions that need a bit more treatment: Vestibulitis is inflammation around the vaginal opening which makes penetration painful. Vaginusmus is involuntary muscle spasms down there that can cause pain with sex--this is pretty common after child birth.

These things get better with treatment, but sometimes it takes time. The main thing is not to push things right now. Don't force yourself to have sex when it's painful, that will make things worse. You can still be intimate with your husband without having vaginal sex. You can try mutual masturbation or oral sex. Sex is about the enjoyment of being together and you can still have that.

Don't let this make you feel like less of a woman because it is very common and there are treatments. As for your husband, trust in him to love you no matter what. You wouldn't love him less if he was having sexual trouble, would you? Be open and honest with him. Marriage is about being there for each other when things are good, but more so when things aren't so good. Just remember that.
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