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Needing advice, he thinks these are his real feelings...

First thing is first…I am looking for advice, direction, your personal experiences, etc but I am not looking for hate-filled comments!
My name is Chrish and my husband’s name is Bailey.
I will try to be as short as possible with the story of the past two and a half years. (This does leave out a lot of details but gives you the general idea).
Sept 2011 through March 2012- We begin dating, it is love at first sight and we are basically inseparable. He has his moments, as do I (in any normal relationship) but we are extremely happy for the most part. Everyone told me he was bad news and my mother to keep me away from him, which was one of the first warning signs. He had had some angry outbursts at school, such as yelling at teachers and punching walls and lockers. He was also involved in recreational drugs and alcohol abuse (to an extent I was not fully aware of). He had what I thought was very severe depression and needed a lot of comfort and help, and I was the first one he talked to about absolutely everything he always came to me, he told me all the sweet nothings about how much he loved me and would do anything for me and I was his princess and his everything. I noticed he would tell me extensive truths about some things but also lie to me about how this parents were, how he was treated as a child, etc that his parents completely deny and I believe them because they are nothing but supportive and helpful. He did not make friends easily when he was little and had only one serious girlfriend when he was 14 who he lost his virginity to her and our stories, mine and hers, were exactly alike where he makes us addicted to him then breaks our hearts and then begs for us back or comforts us telling us we are his world, etc. They broke up because (in her mind) out of the blue he just “fell out of love” with her randomly but then he would still talk to her, hold hands, sometimes sleep together, and in his mind “he never loved her at all” is what he says.
March through December 2012- We find out we are expecting a baby. I am very upset and scared at first but Bailey reassures me that this will be his “reason for change” and the baby & I have “saved his life”. He stays living with his parents for now but we are still inseparable, the love is still great (despite his ups and downs) but he gets further into depression and drug usage. He goes to a psychologist who he lies about things to get any prescriptions he wants and get very addicted to Ativan and ADHD medicine. He moves into my house and things just progress worse with him and he is either EXTATIC and super happy or angry and aggressive. Hit or miss. This is very tolling and hard on me. He still claims I am his everything, etc. The baby is born and he goes through a really great week he claims but then things fall right back into depression, he quits his job randomly one day with no warning to anyone to “focus completely on school” (He ended up just sitting at home all day playing video games and using drugs).
April through June 2013- Things take a turn for the worst and he tries to commit suicide. He is committed to an in-patient treatment facility where he is diagnosed and begins treatment for Bipolar, ADHD, drug and alcohol addictions. While there, we write each other love notes and talk on the phone constantly and he begs everyone to let him out to get back to me. After being released, he does the “I don’t know if I love you or if I ever have”. He moves back into his parents’ house and starts going to an out-patient treatment center. We are still in contact, but he is very back and forth about his feelings and he annoys his parents with “oh, I miss her so much, we used to do this together, oh I need her let me talk to her” etc. Eventually, he makes the decision (when still on medicine) that he does love me, he wants to move back in together and have a perfect family.
June 2013 through November 2013- He is still medicated, moves back in and everything is going well, he gets a new job, he is working on school, etc. He decides to get off his medicine and start reading self-help books, work out, etc-He has a great outlook on how great things can be for himself and for us. (We get married Sept 2013 and everyone sees that he is beyond ecstatic, his vows to me are the most romantic and perfect thing ever and we have a great honeymoon in MX). We have a pretty good time for the most part, some ups and down but he becomes addicted to video games (playing 30-40 hours a week), started drinking occasionally, and slacking off on his school work. He would clean house occasionally but then blow it out of proportion saying he was the one doing all the work around the house. (I clean, I work 50 hours a week, and I am the one who gets up with the baby at night. Everyone sees that it is me making all the money and doing all the work while he sits on his ass, so I am NOT the problem, I am nothing but encouraging, supportive and trying to help him-some people would even say enabling I help so much.)
December 2013- His depression seems to be getting worse, his mother even picks up on it and tells me we need to start monitoring him more. I encourage him to go back to a counselor and even get back on medicine (he refuses the medicine part) but says he will schedule a counselors appointment. A week passes and I notice the depression is still getting worse so I ask him when his counselors apt is scheduled for and he says he is not going, he doesn’t want to hear what they have to say, and tells me they always tell him that him & I are not meant to be. (His dad later clarifies that he did hear a counselor say that but when he went and told the counselor the REAL story not the BS Bailey was feeding her that she said I was the best thing for him.) So of course, I am heartbroken and freak out and ask him to talk in person. He comes to my office, and his eyes are dead and his body is rigid and he proceeds (in great detail) to tell me that he doesn’t think he loves me, never has and never will. He tells me at first that this doesn’t mean that he wants to give up on us, but hours later it is that he is not sure if he wants a divorce or not. This is two days before Christmas so we decide to try and make this work and pull it together for the holidays. So, he wakes up the next morning and we go through a blissful three or four days of him being all over me, saying he loves me so much, and intimacy very often (When he is depressed, he is like a 2-3 times a week person, when he is manic he is a 2x a day person). Then, something comes up with his mood and I say “Oh, you don’t still feel that way do you, I thought everything was fine?” And he tells me no, everything is completely real, this is happening, we still might divorce. His parents are very involved and we convince him to just not do anything rash and go to our marriage counselors. We saw the marriage counselor and she definitely thinks this is because of bipolar, she thinks there will be no chance at a relationship without medication, and she also thinks he will beg for me back if we do split up and it could cause a really bad spiral into depression, more drugs, etc.
Any advice, advice on getting him to accept bipolar (it is pretty obvious everyone sees it except him), anything? I know they cannot rationalize and they think these “no love” feelings will last forever (people with bipolar are known to do this in relationships the push you away, pull you back thing is very common) but he thinks these are his real feelings that he will feel forever and doesn’t realize that he has a problem and will destroy his life (I will gain 100% custody of our child for sure) and he has no job, no place to go, and no money or anything at all if he leaves. It is not even rational to THINK about divorce right now, or he would have NOTHING.
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First Helper User Profile GeauxGeaux33
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replied January 14th, 2014
This is how it goes!! Honestly, there is nothing you can do until he spirals back around and is more open to the idea. I really recommend, "Loving Someoene with Bipolar Disorder" it talks a lot about what you can do when your partner is not willing or not well enough to cooperate. The "no love" phase sucks… I'm there with my ex-partner too. They leave, be alone for a while, and hopefully come back when they realize they are people and want to be with someone. It sounds like he definitely needs medication, keep an eye out for suicidal talk. Once that comes out you want to start thinking about admittance to a inpatient clinic. Good luck! Stay strong and know that this is an illness, YOU did nothing wrong!
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replied January 14th, 2014
Thank you so much for the reply! Definitely helps. I am working closely with him and his family to get this all sorted out.
Update on my story...We have been going to counselling, he now says he never mentioned a divorce and he wouldn't ever leave me (he still doesn't feel in love but he "has love" for me he says). Thank you all for the inboxes and thank you GeauxGeaux33 for the sweet reply!
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