Medical Questions > Mental Health > PTSD Forum

Need Help Managing Panic Past Mental Abuse!

User Profile
Growing up I did see a doctor which turned into a psychiatrist. I was always forced to go and medicated against my will. Tomorrow I see a psychologist who manages the medication I need to come off of and I really hate doing it. I've never had a situation where I wasn't screamed at, or bullied and pressured into going by my parents. They would do it until I was too exhausted to keep going. It's become almost a phobia.
I'm terrified this will happen again tomorrow. I can't forget the past. I only go for medication management and I have brain fog still so I know that going is a good idea but I'm more than afraid. He's aware of this and tries to give me control but I have to keep going because my meds make me sick.

My main problem now is pressure and fear. Mainly pressure and loss of control.
I feel stuck sad2
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied December 2nd, 2010
Hey honey!

It tears me up to read some of the posts you've left. You've been through a lot, that much is for sure!

Anxiety disorder is a beast, and it's a terrifying thing to live with... a lot of people end up having anxiety attacks because they are afraid of having anxiety attacks!! It's a terribly vicious cycle, and only compounded by the fact that most anxiety sufferers don't realize that there are things they can do to control this. It's not as if anxiety sufferers enjoy their issue... of course not, who would?! Many end up believing that this is a problem they will have to learn to live with for the rest of their life. This isn't true in many cases.

So the main thing is how to control something that is at its very definition uncontrollable. There are a couple ways to answer this. The most important and powerful weapon you have in your personal arsenal is your faith in God. Since I've talked with you several times, I know that your faith is firm, and that it has helped you during some of your darkest times. Prayer is a form of meditation, and meditation is a wonderful tool that you can learn to use to control the symptoms of anxiety, rather than taking a lot of powerful medications. I'm not knocking the meds, they are here for a purpose and help many people. But if you can learn to manage without them, why not?

I'm sure you know that panic attacks are triggered by various things, some are common, some are our own unique phobias... but either way, there are triggers. When you know what your triggers are you can begin to work on desensitizing yourself to any particular thing that begins the domino effect that anxiety attacks cause. Meditation is a powerful tool and can be used very effectively when you understand how it works.

One of my oldest and dearest girl friends has AWFUL panic disorder. At least 4-5 times a week I find myself on the phone with her, or at her house, talking her through an anxiety attack. She's actually improving slowly over time, but it took a long time for her to understand that SHE is the only one that can control this problem. She was stubborn, and refused to believe that there were things she could do other than taking high doses of whatever benzodiazepine she could get her hands on. The problem with her being on high doses of these anxiety meds is that she's a single mother with three little girls... she cant afford to spend her days in a drug haze. The kids were being neglected, and she was no closer to obtaining a more permenant way to treat herself until she realized that she could indeed find a way to gain control over her fears.

When I talk with her sometimes we pray to Jesus, sometimes it's getting her to breathe in a certain pattern (which distracts her thoughts from her fears by focusing on a certain breathing rhythem), sometimes it's me holding on to her and repeatedly telling her that the thing she's afraid of isn't anything to fear. Her big fear is change... and change is the only constant thing in this life that we can count on. To be afraid of change is to be afraid of every moment of every day...

I know you're strong. You'd have to be to come out of the place you've come from personally, and still have such a faith in God, still be strong enough to reach for help, still be kind enough to listen to someone else who needs some advice. You need to understand the cycle that your anxiety takes, and find a way to break it. You've obviously got to have strong will to do something like this, and I have no doubts that you do. It sounds terribly simplistic, and it's anything but. I think you're doing the right thing by seeing a doctor, and I'm wondering if you've ever seen a psychotherapist? It's different than just being a social worker, a PhD, or a psychologist. It's a specialty... and they can do very powerful work with people who have post traumatic stress disorder, which obviously you have. You've been dealt a lot of abuse in your life, and although you feel stuck and your situation is probably pretty confusing to you alot of times, you've done a great job for yourself. You're not bitter and cynical. That's something that shows me that there is A LOT more hope for you than you may believe or realize.

You are a grown woman, an intelligent adult. I understand that you love your family, but you are not a child nor are you incapable of caring for yourself and making decisions in your best interest. Sometimes you may go against your parents advice, do things they dont agree with, and sometimes they may try to ridicule, persecute, or intimidate you into doing what they want you to do. Stand firm. Your health is an issue that involves you and doctor(s) and NO ONE else. It is your choice who you allow to influence your treatment, and there is nothing they can do to you if you don't allow them to. After the few words we've shared with each other I am convinced that you are not unable to make sound decisions, so it's not like they'd be able to take you to court and prove that you need someone else to make your medical decisions.

Keep sharing these fears with your doctor. Remember that you ALWAYS have the right to refuse medication, to ask for a different dose, to ask for a different treatment, and to find a different doctor if you need to. As long as the doctor you are currently seeing is someone you are comfortable with (which I know is hard due to your past), someone you trust then keep in mind that the meds they put you on are for a reason. If you disagree with the treatment you have to speak up sweetie. They are providing you with a service, and in order to do the best job they can they need to hear from you... exactly what you're feeling, what the meds do to you when you're on them, how you feel about being on them or going off of them. I have at several times had to stomp my foot down, raise my voice, and tell my doctor that I needed a different course of treatment, or a different medication. Every time I've spoken up I've been taken seriously, and the situation improved.

I think it would be a great idea for you to investigate different methods of meditation. If you're not physically disabled getting involved in yoga would be tremendously beneficial for you. Even martial arts like karate or tai kwon doe would give you brand new tools to use when faced with anxiety or depression. The more good things you do for yourself the farther away you end up from being vulnerable to your fears or depression. Focus is key, and all of those things I mentioned involve teaching the students how to focus.

Sometimes a small, but positive, change in routine can end up being a BIG change in the long run. The healthier the body and soul become the healthier the mind can become, as well.

If I were there in person I would give you a hug and tell you not to fret. As long as you are honest and prepared (like create a list of things you want to bring up with your doctor before you go and bring the list with you)I'm sure the appointment will be successful, and hopefully between you and the doc, you can come up with some ideas that help more than what you've been doing. Remember that God created you with HIS hands, and those hands are perfect... He loves you, and walks with you every moment you are here on Earth. He gave you free will, and that means that through the power of choice, you are the one with ultimate control over your life. Choose not to be a victim of past abuse, but a survivor who has been made stronger in the face of your abuser(s). By choosing to do good things for yourself you are choosing to take care of Gods creation. Always choose you. Always.

I am always here to help. You can contact me through this site, but I am absolutely willing to give you my facebook URL, my email address, and/or my cell phone # even. You're not alone honey. Ever.

*hugs*!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank SaraPie for this post: LiftmeUp 

User Profile
replied December 2nd, 2010
Experienced User
Hey Sara-
You're an angel I sweat. You're honestly an amazing person.
All of the negative and painful things that have happened in my life have made me more compassionate to others because I remember how awful that felt for me and hate anyone else to have to go through it. I've seen others take the other path. It led to violence and that just isn't me and I hate the outcome. It's also made me feel more like a burden, in a way, even though I know God doesn't create "burdens".
The transition is so scary but I understand what you're saying.

The thing about medication is, I'm on a few powerful ones. I've tried a lot of times to be weaned off of them but they've messed up a lot and it got to the point where it got to be too much and we had to go up again. Almost like a cycle. I didn't know that about the psychiatrists, I really don't want to mess up the service they're trying to give me or anyone else. Am I afraid of them or something else? Just had that thought lol.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 3rd, 2010
Experienced User
I got the courage to put my foot down and it felt good lol. I think it's a PTSD/control issue and it was hard but I spoke up. The world needs more people like you Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 3rd, 2010
i suffer from ptsd the problem is i dont really talk about its feels like im embaressed beacause of my condition. i was picked on when a kid and dont want that to happen again or for people to feel sorry for me cuz my father raped me when i was 14. im 20 yrs old i need help does anyone have some advice about this
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 3rd, 2010
Experienced User
jjami1d- I still have a hard time opening up too. I used to feel embarrassed too and what gave me peace of mind was knowing I'm not alone.
You're not alone. You opened up on here. I think that's awesome because I know that can be scary. When I began to trust my psychologist I began to open up. It wasn't easy but he was patient with me. Just take it one day at a time, everyone's different.
It's not easy to talk about for me, but it's a lot easier now!
This site helps me too. Look around and see if you can find any stories or advice you can relate to. Remember that you're not alone and there is hope.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 17th, 2011
P.T.S.D. Sufferer, need some advice/help A.S.A.P. Please!
I'm suffering through PTSD myself... when I was a baby, my biological mother broke both of my legs twice, smashed my right forefinger and tore the nail completely off of that finger, then to top it all off, she ripped out some of my hair and put cigarette burns all over my body, then when she'd gotten remarried, she allowed my step-father and step-grandfather to both rape me. This all happened when I was 7 months old, so I don't remember anything, but one day when my husband and I got into a terrible fight, it caused me to curl up into a little ball in the corner, burst into tears and punch a hole in the wall because I'd had a flashback memory of what had happened to me. I'm 24 1/2 years old, and I'm trying my hardest to forget the past, but there's something about me that's causing me to hold onto the past and not be able to let it go. Is this normal? Can anybody help me at all here? I could really use some advice....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 17th, 2011
Advice for you. =)
jjami1d wrote:
i suffer from ptsd the problem is i dont really talk about its feels like im embaressed beacause of my condition. i was picked on when a kid and dont want that to happen again or for people to feel sorry for me cuz my father raped me when i was 14. im 20 yrs old i need help does anyone have some advice about this



I suffer from P.T.S.D. as well. I myself am not ashamed about my condition, because it's something that was out of my hands, I couldn't really do anything when I'd had what had happened to me happen to me. My advice is, try to find a Psychiatrist that you want to see, I myself have been looking, but so far no luck... maybe e-health could help me... my point being, I'm right there with you on the whole "Being picked on" ordeal. rainbow rainbow rainbow rainbow
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Understanding the process of aging and its effects on the body can help us protect our health. But what is aging? And what can we expect as we age?...
Learn how genetics and time play a role in the aging process. Plus, information on how to avoid certain risk factors of aging and how to have a long life here....
The body deteriorates over time. But which systems are affected and how? We take a look at effects of aging on different processes and causes here....