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nearly 21, lonely working and dunno what to do

Hello, im a guy nearly 21 years old and have been depressed for just over a year now.

It started after i finished college, ever since then i have been hit by depression and massive sleep problems which affects my work (small general food shop couple hours a week)

The reason for this is i am very lonely, i dont have any friends close by, only online friends and i have never had a girlfriend. Im at a stage were i would really like to be with a girl but im shy and i never go outside mainly because i dont know what to do out there to meet someone and its alittle awkward. Im not exactly bad looking (not overweight or anything) so i assume its just my personality thats the problem.

Basically my life is stay at home on my pc and work my shifts at work, nothing more than that, i dont know what to do to meet a girl iv considered trying online dating but from what i hear chances are quite low. Living in the UK btw.
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replied November 10th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

Depression can be quite debilitating and it is feeding from your lifestyle.
As yet your depression must be quite mild because you can manage to be at your computer and to go to work. If you were seriously depressed your life would be very different and believe me, you really don't want your depression to become any worse than it is.

The enemy of depression is activity and diversion and a good diet and you must do whatever you can to feed yourself a varied and healthy diet and to set yourself some goals and to strive to achieve them. The goals should be both short term, within a day or two, and longer term goals of a few weeks to a month or so. Making a daily list of tomorrow's goals or tasks and crossing each off as they are completed gives a permanent record of achievements and which were good days and which days weren't so good.
This is important because depression tends to rob a person of the memory of the recent past so something good that happened yesterday or the day before is rapidly dismissed as unimportant - with depression it becomes the mind's intention to enjoy being miserable and nothing must be allowed to stand in the way of it...

Being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely and really shouldn't. Being lonely does tend to destroy the natural optimism for the future that should go along with your age and without that optimism and a certain cheerfulness any girls you meet are likely to interpret your body language, your expression, your phraseology as keep away signals.
If you can't like yourself and be content in your own skin no one else is likely to like you either.

There are plenty of unattached girls in the UK and plenty, I am sure, that have tried the fun-loving Romeos and would welcome a quiet and serious man for a change. The trouble is being too quiet and too serious is really repellent to girls in your own age group who are mostly busy enjoying some of the best years of their lives and their boyfriends need to be an accompaniment or an enhancement to that and an aid to generating good memories to help warm them in old age.

Dating sites are a good way to meet a wide variety of girls and to learn about them and yourself. With a bit of luck and a fair amount of cynicism a person can find a relationship there but along with the genuine and honest girls are mixed deceivers and self-deceivers. In some ways the lonely hearts column in your local newspaper is as good. Blind dates can be fun and entertaining and a good way to hone your skills as a gentleman and a diplomat.

By far the best way to find a girlfriend is to generate an ever-widening circle of friends and eventually date girls you know you are compatible with.
You don't find friends and develop friendships by sitting at home on the computer; you develop friends by getting out and about and by repetition. As you are shy you wouldn't do better than to join a local theatre group, calling in at the same quiet pub for a drink at the end of the evening. After a few weeks people will begin to converse with you and those that like you will invite you to drink with them and friendships will be formed. Members of the group you belong to will gradually become known to you and more friendships will be formed.

Show an interest in people and they will be interested in you but be careful not to go over the top...

It is a gradual process so patience is a must.

I hope this helps.
Good luck!
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