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My 4.5 yr old says she wants to live with her father

I know she is only 4.5 but I am devastated. My husband and I have been separated for 15 months and my daughter sees her father approximately twice a month. He was very abusive both verbally and physically towards me. Because of the violence my daughter only sees him for short periods of time and there are no overnight visits allowed. Well, she spent 6 hours with him yesterday which was the longest visit she has had with him since the separation. When she got home she said she wanted to live with her daddy and that she still loved me and would visit me sometimes. She also said daddy and Elaine (his girlfriend) are a "mommy and daddy". She has a new babysister (daddy and Elaine's daughter)that will be a year old in May and she loves to play with her.
I care for my daughter alone with no support from her father and this hurts my feelings so badly. I have no life outside of my daughter, I take good care of her. I am already feeling the onset of depression because I have no life outside of my daughter. I know...I know.....she is 4 and had a fun day with dad and thats all it is but I don't know what to do when she says things like this. It's hard to say nothing and it's hard not to show that it hurts. Any suggestions?
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replied January 12th, 2009
Especially eHealthy
That is a difficult situation and it would be very hurtful to hear. You are already aware that she only wants to be with her dad because seeing him for a few hours ever other weekend makes it all fun. You are the one who gets down to business - makes sure teeth are brushed, vegetables are eaten, tells her when it is time for bed. So her vision on the situation is a bit skewed. If she actually moved in with her dad, the roles would be reversed and he wouldn't be Good Time Dad anymore, he'd be the tooth brusher, veggie master, bed time cop.

I don't have any advice as far as what to say to her. Maybe just point out that she lives with you and that you'd miss her to terribly to let her live with her daddy.
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replied June 15th, 2015
Extremely eHealthy
Single parents have a of activities for you & your daughter.............She is way too young to make this decision. You should take him to court for child support...........She wants to live there because of that other child there. Are there any young children close to where you live.....that she can play with.
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replied January 20th, 2009
Don't let her go!!
I let my 5 year old son go live with his father 17 years ago. It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.
If he was abusive towards you, he is bound to be abusive towards the "new gf" and possibly your daughter.
Get yourself and your daughter involved in activities outside...take her to a park... meet new people there...go to the library~they always have kids groups going on and you may make a new Mom friend too!
My son is a wonderful man today. But, our lives were marked with a lot of B.S. from my ex and his now ex wife.
Take hold of your little one and keep her close!
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replied January 20th, 2009
Don't let her go!!
I let my 5 year old son go live with his father 17 years ago. It was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.
If he was abusive towards you, he is bound to be abusive towards the "new gf" and possibly your daughter.
Get yourself and your daughter involved in activities outside...take her to a park... meet new people there...go to the library~they always have kids groups going on and you may make a new Mom friend too!
My son is a wonderful man today. But, our lives were marked with a lot of B.S. from my ex and his now ex wife.
Take hold of your little one and keep her close!
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replied May 24th, 2009
Supporter
she probably have so much fun with them when she goes over there. and another small child to play with.

i remember when my son called his dad's girlfriend's kids his sister & brother (they wasnt his dad's kids he just raised them). it made me jealous.

you have to talk to her and tell her this is how it is going to be.
your daughter will get older and get used to the arrangement. if it really bothers you be very stern with her.
my son's father is a dead beat and my 13 year old son thinks he's superman, even though he's always absent.
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replied May 8th, 2012
ok thanku but where do i stand on a legal point of view, we are not married but he does have parental responsibility i love her so much and dont want to let her go but dont no what to do ??
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replied February 23rd, 2014
typical, but im sorry
There's a reason why kids under 12 aren't typically asked where they'd like to live. they have no reasoning when they're young. It's all "wheres the fun?" The commenter who said she said that because she rarely sees daddy is correct. Of course she wants to be where there's no "chores."
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