Let's see if I can keep this short. My wife is an angel: cares for our baby and me like none other. She's fit, even-tempered, cheerful, has great friends, works, and has her PhD. Good sense of humor. Great smile. However, to quote "Before Sunset," I married her to fulfill my best self, not necessarily my true self. Thought, "I will never find someone so good" and so got married. (My true self would have married someone less motivated, more scatterbrained, and more prone to living in the moment.) Marriage of 4 years marred by my episodes of near-manic bitterness about the road not taken, about not marrying somebody who vibrates more at my frequency. But then I'll collect myself, check my ego, and behold the marvel that she is. Still, one objective critique about her: terrible in bed. I was her first and only, and basically she's got no imagination, no sense of sexual expression, no sense of let-it-all-hang-out, one-life-to-live abandon. Trust me, it's how she's wired, I've attempted every last method of friendly, non-threatening encouragement and inquiry under the sun (as well as cranky, whining methods that also don't work). I don't care about kinky things. She just lacks that "gusto" factor, the gene that makes a woman turn to you during "Escape to Chimp Eden" and say "let's do it on the couch."
Now, I have a divorced buddy who has been down the rabbit hole and through the looking glass of hot, sticky divorcee sex, and he recently told me he'd give it all up for a life of strictly missionary position if he could end up with the mother of his children once again. That meant something to hear that, because lately I've been going more and more crazy thinking about the ocean of women out there with bedroom know-how, and how apparently I shall never bathe in those waters. I cope by loving her for all the real reasons to love somebody, and I find that hobbies help (especially male-bonding through sports) with marriage doldrums. And, I know mine is a cliched complaint, I guess what I'm looking for here is somebody that can relate. And are there solutions? (that don't break the marriage contract!)
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replied August 10th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
COMMUNICATION...sit her down, talk to her...i wouldn't be so blunt as to say "you suck in bed honey" but make the effort to change things up..maybe she has no clue what to do because you are the only guy shes been with...is she aware that things are...not so spicey anymore??? or does she still think things are great in the sack? Because you cant fix whats not broken and if she thinks that things are fine and goin great then shes not going to make any effort to change things...if you want to spice things up take the initiative, go out and buy her a sexy little outfit and tell her you'd LOVE to see her in it, go to the sex shop see what you can find in there...tell her it'd really turn you on to hear her talk dirty or something..drop little hints you know? Sometimes it takes a little work to get s woman in the mood maybe surprise her one night with some lit candles and chocolate fondue and some wine...my boyfriend did that for me one night and just something small like that was just really romantic and i was ready to "thank him" Smile But she really needs to be willing and open to changing things up...good luck hope I helped!
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replied August 16th, 2008
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Also, does she masturbate? Ask!

Some women are simply wired frigid, I believe....but it might also be that she hasn't had an opportunity to find that place that pleases her. I'd suggest that you seek help from a sexologist. These psychological specialists don't shy away from talking about sex and might have some really good ideas on the matter.
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