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My man and newly Fiancee isn't interested in sex with me lately.

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I have been devestated lately. My fiancee of 3 months just hasn't been interested in me sexually for the past couple months. I haven't changed physically...he is 21 and I am 23. We use to have a great sex life, have only been together about a year and a half shouldn't he not be able to keep his hands off me? He gives me all the other aspects of attention, cuddles, holds my hands compliments me, grabs my butt tells me all the time he loves me so much...but whenever I initiate sex he turns me down. At first I got angry and told him its healthy to keep our sex life going and I cannot go without sex in our relationship. He told me the aggressiveness was his turn-off. So the past 2 months I'd give little hints, wear little cute booty pajamas, make little moves but nothing aggressive and still...nothing...We talked about it and I said I feel like he just isn't attracted to me but I don't understand. I get sexual attention from many other guys BUT the only one I want it from is him. He keeps denying he isn't attracted to me and he says he just doesn't have a sex drive anymore...he wishes he could change and he said he'd try but i don't want to have my fiancee TRY to have sex with me out of GUILT. what do I do...a part of me is debating on our entire relationship just because I feel I deserve someone who makes me feel sexy, attractive and wants to be intimate with me. I've tried to spice it up but he has no interest...I am scared this will end us.
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replied May 25th, 2010
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Hi virgostar222 and welcome to ehealth: My best advice to give you after many years of marriage is to marry someone who is like you....My husband and I are a matching set...Were from the day I met him...Sexually, we are, were and always have been hot...The only difference is that as he has aged I have picked up the slack and taken him back to youth...If, you cannot do this now how are you planning to do this years from now?...This would be my thought on what you have stated....

Or should I say "what you see is what you will get"...You can't change what you can't change...He is who the maker made him and you are who the maker made you...Honey, find your equal....Makes for many smiles as you age....I wish you well....

Caroline
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replied June 15th, 2010
I'm in the same boat..........
I'm in the same boat! I feel so hurt & rejected, I just don't know what to do anymore. We've been together a little over a year and at first the sex was so intense and passionate and now it's fizzled out to nothing. My boyfriend tells me he "can't handle the pressure" when I try to initiate something. I end up feeling bad about myself and sink into a depression. I've even tried spicing things up a bit by whispering naughty little things in his ear and he acts almost disgusted. This is my first relationship after 20 years of (a nearly sexless) marriage, so I thought I hit the jackpot when I met this guy. He was handsome, charming and passionate but that started fading after about 3 months and now I have to fight for attention. I love him so very much but I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like I compete for his attention over everything, whether it be work, or his hobbies, even his pets seem to get more attention than I do. I have heard thru the grapevine that most of his past relationships end with the girl cheating on him. I do not condone that but it also makes me wonder if it's because they were craving the attention that he wasn't giving them. Everytime we are together I pray that things will get back to 'normal' and it hasn't happened yet. I know I have a decision to make and it's not going to be an easy one. I wish you well and hope things work out for you. Life is too short to be unhappy/dissatisfied. Everyone deserves love and to be loved.
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replied June 22nd, 2010
I'd start by asking what his fantasies are. If you are comfortable with them and baring any outside persons, maybe the two of you can participate. that might open him up more.

It also can be a confidence issue, not being enough man for you. Or a fear of losing you has ended up with him distancing himself from you as a means of protection. Men can feel insecure too.

Keep communicating...

I wish the two of you luck.
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