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My kids are looking for a father figure

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I had a divorce a year ago. I have 3 kids in my care. One is 6 years old, second is 5, and the last is still 2. To be honest, it’s tiring at times but I’m working hard for them. I don’t want them to live with nothing in their tummies and pockets. I guess with my work, I can sustain their needs and wants. I want what’s best for my kids.

Just recently, my two kids are looking for a father figure. I was astounded yet felt irresponsible by not giving them the chance to live without a father caring and loving them. But am I not enough? I’m doing my best for them and it should be enough. But still, that thought won’t come out from my head.

So I tried dating. I called some of my friends on whom to date. They gave me some site names but I think I’d be so desperate if I do so. So I ended up going to online dating. There I saw an ad for international dating social event. So I posted some of my pictures, trying it not be showy and agreed to attend the event.

Do you think I’ve made the right decision? Is this move a smart one? Please tell me so.
I appreciate your responses!
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First Helper User Profile sweetchild35

replied March 16th, 2018
may yu a get a right hsuband
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replied March 20th, 2018
Hi sweetchild35,

I am sorry you are dealing with this kind of a problem, and you seem like a devoted mother.

I've learned through life that, when a child loses one parent, it somehow loses both of them. In your case, your children lost their father, and now you are taking new roles in their life. You are trying to replace the father, you maybe work harder, you are maybe more sad...maybe happier Smile ... and so on... and you are not the same person you were before he left. So your kinds have to learn a new you - kids are sensitive on all changes. This may sound like I am telling you that you have more issues than you thought - but actually it is the opposite. You just have to love them and show them your love. That's all they need.

Finding a new father figure could be a long process and it could take you a lot of time. Maybe the kids are angry on the father and wouldn't trust a new person in the start. Maybe they would think that this new person is "stealing" you and your time. Maybe maybe... There are a lot of maybes up here.

What I would tell you to try. Please, talk to those two children of 5 and 6. Talk to them like they are adults. Show them you appreciate their opinion. Make them feel like they have a right to choose for themselves. It is also their life, isn't it? So ask them, how do they feel and what do they wand and need. Be their friend, pretend you are the same age. And then listen to them. You are a good mother, and I am sure that you will manage. But finding a new man just for them... it would be better if you found a man for yourself - kids would feel your happiness Smile

Good luck!
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