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My inlaws have been such a pain in my marriage and my life!

My mother inlaw is healthy and my father inlaw has brain tumor. Me and my husband have been married for 3 years, and we have a baby girl 21 months old. Since after I gave birth, they have never leave me alone! I was trying to maintain a good relationship with them because it seems like it matters a lot to my husband, because he is the only child. It starts from when I gave birth, I let them wait behind the curtains instead of waiting room(just being thoughtful), as soon as the baby pop out my father inlaw walked directly in to my delivery room to see the baby, and I was give out laying there with blood cover on my legs had half naked! Me and my husband were still living with them at that time, his mom always claim him as MAMA'S BOY. I tried to breastfeed my baby, and they judge me for not having enough breast milk(I had plenty) just because the baby cries sometimes. My father in law accuse me that the baby would try to suck on his finger if he try to stick it in her mouth simply because the baby is hungry. He told me that the baby should gain 1 pound in 10 days, with she gained 10 oz. When I try to put moisturizer on my baby, she cries out of her lung, my mother inlaw slam the door real hard on me, and later came in to the room accuse me why the baby cried so hard. I was depressed after I gave birth, my father inlaw told me that it's because I stayed inside the house too much, which I did, because when the baby wakes up during the night, I'm always the one who get up and comfort her, and I need to sleep during the day when she sleeps. So we finally moved out after 3 month. They have to decide where we move to, because if we move 30 minutes away they will freak out, and it means WAR! So we moved to somewhere 15 mins away from their place, and they come over everyday to see the baby and want us to go over their house 3 times a week. Not too long after we move out, my husband got fired, so we were spending our savings, and I worked for 3 month as a temp, and then we run out of money. We have to move back with them again. I'm trying limit the tv time for my baby, they have never respect my choice of doing this, they love to place her in front of tv, and my father in law's favorite thing is to put my child on his leg and watch Sprout. We got into conflict so many times, just because of TV. I try not to give my child any juice and sweets, my father in law would try to give my child doughnuts and cookies if you do not keep an eye on him. My mother in law has no common sense, she bought little rings for my baby to play with, I told her not to give it to my baby because she might choke on it. She did anyway, she told me that she has told the baby do not put it in her mouth. I can't say nothing about what they did to me, because they get really mad, and my mother in law would yell at me. She told me that I am weird and I get mad every time they try to talk to me, I don't know what to say....She slammed the door on me while we were renting apartment. She loves to control us, and she thinks that she helped us so much that we suppose to listen to her. Lots of times, she volunteered to help without even asking us, if we refuse her help she gets real mad. So my husband is still looking for job and I'm trying to get CPA exam done, I don't know what choice do I have, and they have made my life so hard, that I have thoughts of getting a divorce. I do love my husband, but his parents are too much for me! Please give me some advice! Thanks!
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First Helper User Profile CarolineEF
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replied February 4th, 2014
Move out that's to much to deal with ,a stress free mother is the best mother because you will be more healthier without stress . Is it mandatory for you to stay there ?
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replied February 4th, 2014
It's not mandatory, but right now we're having financial problems, as soon as I pass all parts of the cpa exam, I will be looking for a job. But my in laws don't want me to go nowhere but minutes away from them so they can smother us and see their grandchild everyday.
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replied February 4th, 2014
Move out that's to much to deal with ,a stress free mother is the best mother because you will be more healthier without stress . Is it mandatory for you to stay there ?
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replied February 4th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy
I guess as it is their space they can make reasonable rules about how you and your husband conduct yourselves but not about baby care.

It is your baby, yours and your husband's, and what you say should be law and your husband should be supporting you even if it does mean war with your in-laws.
If your husband isn't supporting you so you can present a united front then you have a real problem.

Mostly I agree with what you say; baby should mostly have one set of standards as it grows and it is very wise to stop them developing a sweet tooth too soon and to keep them away from ready-made entertainment as much as possible. It would be nice if your child can have the full use of it's imagination and develop an enquiring mind rather than joining the modern expectation culture too soon.

Granny-reared children are too often spoiled, selfish, undisciplined and thoughtless later on. Babies and young children need structure and rules to their lives as much as anyone else.

I guess it is time to really throw a tantrum and lay down some firm groundrules about when the in-laws can have access to your child and when they can't and how they conduct themselves when they do have access.

If that doesn't work it is time to move out even if you have to go back to your parents, stay with relatives or friends. It would probably be better if you just made your preparations covertly and left without preamble or discussion.

Good luck!
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replied February 4th, 2014
I appreciate your advice. My husband does support me every time me and her parents get into conflicts, but he is an introvert, he doesn't express his opinion to them, I guess that make them feel like they can do anything to us. I have showed them articles and books talking about how bad it is to watch TV for babies and toddlers. My mother in law said because my father in law has brain tumor, he wouldn't change his mind to put my baby in front of TV. She also said that her job is to spoil the baby...Once me and my husband are financially stable again, we will move out. I hate to put my husband in that situation when me and his parents get into fight. It seems like his parents don't care how much he got hurt from that. I have never seen parents like that before! I'm glad I vent it out finally...
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replied February 4th, 2014
Is your husband shy
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replied February 4th, 2014
Yes he is.
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replied February 4th, 2014
YES HE IS
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replied February 4th, 2014
YES HE IS
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replied February 5th, 2014
I noticed, he sounds like me you said he backed you up but he doesn't express himself as to what he is feeling towards his parent s. It may be because he may feel if he says something they may get upset and it may ruin his relationship with his parents
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replied February 5th, 2014
He keeps things to himself, sometime he doesn't even tell me how he really feels.
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replied February 5th, 2014
Tell him to open up to you and tell you how he really feels tell tell him to start talking to you about things and from there on out when he expresses himself with you he should feel more strongly more confident to discuss and talk to his parents
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replied February 6th, 2014
Community Volunteer
Move out as soon as you can...You will not have a life of your own until you do...Good luck....

Caroline...
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