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my girlfriend and i are abusive alcoholics

typical story, we met in a bar - loved each other right away, i moved in with her almost immediately - i was an abused child, and am subject to scary, evil rage when really drunk - i thought i could regulate this and protect her from it, i was wrong - it's been over a year now, and a lot of truly awful things have been done by both of us, mostly verbal war and destruction of property - four months ago she hit me in the head with a bottle, i bled a lot, next month she bit me in the face, i lied about both of these obvious injuries at work - i provoked her each time, with mean words - i am horrified and ashamed of abusing and being abused, we are both such tortured souls, and were both abused a lot as kids - i truly love her - last night we got in a drunken fight, she beat me in the face, broke my glasses, my laptop, and then went out drinking - i blacked out, don't remember destroying most of her wardrobe, but i did, there it all was when i woke up - things have gone too far, and i am so sad to be leaving - and very down in general, i have lost my guitars, my clothes, my computer, all my money, my job, all my friends since living with her - did i mention i have stage2 cancer? no joke, i wish it was - neither of us are bad people, when sober we are truly wonderful to each other - she is not mean when drunk like i am, and sees this as a justification for boozing - maybe it is, all i know is we have lost everything we loved, all of it to drunken abuse - i don't have anyone to talk to about this, so i am writing it down here - i have decided to leave on january 1st, but am reeling with shock and trauma, i will miss her terribly, have tried talking to her all day about alcoholism and abuse, she just went to a bar - i feel so sad and alone, i used to enjoy life, have friends, work, was a musician - everything is gone, all for love
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replied January 1st, 2013
Extremely eHealthy

I am truly sorry for your trouble which is a lesson to us all that love is often not enough on which to base a relationship.

People who cannot handle alcohol should not drink - good advice but not very helpful if you are addicted to alcohol.
It is for that reason the world is covered with support groups for alcoholics. The trouble with that is you often have to reach rock-bottom in order to realise you have a problem and that you want and need to turn your life around.

It isn't love that has made you hit bottom it was alcohol.

I hope you will now seek out and join a support group and that you will be able to eventually kick the habit; a habit that must make any treatment for your cancer very difficult.

Good luck!
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