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My gf’s really depressed. I don’t know what to do.

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My girlfriend’s old nanny (when she was still a toddler) has stage 4 lung cancer and a brain tumor. She got the news a couple of months ago and right now, she won’t last much longer. My gf is really depressed and keeps crying everyday day and night. I’m trying my best to comfort her but seems like there is little I can do long distance.

I’m checking out some plane tickets right now and head on over to her hometown to be with her personally. I was thinking if I should just surprise her or let her know. I already know where her address is since I met her during an international dating social event the first time. She’s really close with her nanny since she was the one who raised my gf since birth. Her parents never really took care of her as a child and her nanny was only the one there for her.

She’s been visiting her nanny everyday now, but when she heads home and contacts me, she breaks down and cries herself to sleep every night. I don’t know what to do. It pains me to see her like this and it seems like every advice I give would just tear her apart. Please help me guys. Should I surprise her? What kind of advice can I give her to comfort her pain?
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First Helper Kmeticata

replied March 27th, 2018
Hey! I think it's better to be on the safe side and tell her you are planning to come and e with her, maybe she won't react well to the surprise as she feels vulnerable. Once you are with her - just be with her and listen to her. She needs to talk, cry and be sad, there is little you can do about that. That's a normal reaction of a sensitive person who cares a lot - i know cuz I am like this. This is part of healing process.If this really starts being an issue for her life as well, and it's really prolonged, the best thing to do is go to a therapist(psychologist, not psychiatrist). Do not let her take any pills like anti depressants and such, they are person-changing and horrible for the overall health and could lead to worse problems. Just be there for her and tell her it's all going to turn out ok, even if now it's tough. Do not tell her to not be sad - this doesn't make people any less sad or help them. You can share your feelings with her and be vulnerable WITH her to support her. It helps me when I am really sad and depressed for someone to come and tell me how sensitive and vulnerable I am, to hug me and share some fears and past sadness moments with me. Unfortunately there is no better medicine than time, and there is no universal solution to this. Be the best bf you could be and thats it.
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