Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

My First Love ending my life

I am very stupid because I fell in Love with a man who dumped me with no reason. All my life I focused on my study and career so I was very late in thinking about myself and feeling's. I was 28 when I fell in love with a man who is 14 years above my age which i discovered very late. I communicated with him online and then met with him in real and loved him more and more. He said he loved me to the point he will die for me and I believed every word he said. He was the first man to touch my heart and fill me with feelings i never experienced before. After 4 years of passionate love he just left me without a notice without telling me why. I tried to communicate with him for one whole year with all the numbers I have but he kept ignoring me and changed all his numbers and ignored all my e-mails to him. It teared my heart apart to the point I wanted to kill myself but I delayed killing myself hoping that I will find an email from him at least to tell me that he hates me or why did he leave me because i never understood . I was scared to death that something happened to him I was so crazy I used to surf the net daily for hours trying to search him on the net I had no choice but to do that even If a read about an accident any where in the world I get scared that it will be him. I was afraid something happened to him but I discovered very recently that he is ok enjoying his life with another women and he never even cared to ask about me. I wish I can ask him if he really loved me like he said ? or is he a liar ? are all men liars ? I cant even think of love any more I feel I want to kill myself for him. My heart and mind cannot think of any one else but him I started imagine to see him every where and I lie to my self every day that he will send me but no hope on him. He is enjoying and I want to kill myself I know this is crazy but its out of my control. His words are still inside me I cant forget him and at the same time I cant live any more Please advice me how I can get over him without ending my life...
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First Helper Dante
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replied June 16th, 2009
Supporter
we all been through this in some form or the other. you are heart broken and it will take to for your heart to heal.
did you think about seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants just to help you get over these few months?
i want to tell you something very personal, so i'll private message you.
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replied June 19th, 2009
Thanks for your advice
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replied July 7th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
You need to channel that heartbreak into anger and that anger will get you through this. For a creep like this you want to kill yourself? He dumps you and doesn't tell you why, avoids you like the plague and you find out he's with another woman? Good grief, GET MAD! Tell yourself you are too good for a loser like him! While you are wasting your time pining away for a guy who could care less, you could be out there meeting some nice men. Maybe even your future husband! Tell yourself that you are better than him. Get dolled up and go out with friends. You have to keep busy and meet new people, and soon you will forget all about this guy. We have all walked in your shoes hon. And we all made it through. So can you!
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replied July 9th, 2009
My first love
Dear Raven53,
Thank you for your words it is really a relief to find that I not alone. This is the first time to tell anyone about my problem. I couldn’t share my story except with this website.
I will try to get busy study or do anything to forget him it’s not that easy but I will try he was everything to me my life my love my family my soul. I wonder how he can have a heart of stone while I suffer.
Thank you a lot for your support and advice.
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replied July 9th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
My husband was my everything to me too, married at 17, and after 11 years of marriage he cheats on me with some bimbo at work. I throw him out, within a month, he's back begging forgiveness. We have now been married 39 years, and he treats me like gold. Why? Because I REFUSE to take any balony from him of any kind. He gets ONE chance, and he knows it, then it's OUT THE DOOR. More women need to be like this..get mad, get strong, and take control of your life. Once these guys see you refuse be treated like crap, they have a whole different outlook, and total admiration for you. If you know you are a good woman, and you gave your love unconditionally, but got treated like dog, you need to toughen up, and be confident. Believe me, I know how rotten men can be...the transformation of my husband when he was cheating was shocking. So nasty, arrogant and cocky. Well, I knocked the wind out of his sails fast, and now he's back to his sweet, normal self, and thanking me every day for not divorcing him! Good luck sweetie! Be strong!
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replied July 10th, 2009
This is actually pretty close to what happened to me, I moved away after high school and when I was 19 a girl I had been friends with and had a crush on contacted me. We chatted every night and just started liking each other more and more before finally confessing our love for one another. For a while most of my life revolved around trying to save up enough money to move back and get a place there so we could be together. Several months ago though she started getting more and more distant; she wasn't online as much, she wouldn't answer her phone or return emails or letters, for the last few months I haven't been able to contact her at all. She had talked about depression and the thought of hurting herself, I was absolutely terrified she might have finally done something. I started searching for her online, to see if maybe I could find a report about an accident or an obituary, something just to find out what happened to her. I eventually found her Facebook account so I signed up, but every message and friend request I sent went unanswered. Earlier this week I checked back, and I noticed that her profile picture had changed, and this scared the hell out of me for two reasons; first it meant she was alive, just avoiding me, and secondly she wasn't wearing her pendant in the picture. For her first birthday that we were together, we had been a couple for barely a month, I sent her a silver dagger pendant, and for the next several years she never took it off, not even in tub, so there had to be some reason for her to be without it. I was wondering if she really was avoiding me, I had to know, so in an act of desperation I made a fake account in the name a friend we had in high school and sent a friend request, which was accepted almost right away. I started trembling as soon as I saw her main page, first off the history showed that she was there just about every day, which meant she really was avoiding me, but the major hit when I saw her profile listed her as being in a relationship with Chris Laplant, which is not my name. I finally managed to get her to talk with me, it turns out she just got bored with me and decided to start a relationship with another guy. She says it doesn't count as cheating because she broke up with me, just never bothered to inform me about it, that and she stopped loving me 2 years ago and was just dragging me along until she found something better. I do consider if cheating though, because I never knew what was going on, and I cared for her with all my heart right up until the day I found out about the other guy. She knew I still cared too, since I was still calling, texting and messaging her all the time, telling her how much I missed her and how worried I was.

It wasn't even a week ago, it still hurts and I do want to die, I've barely been able to eat or sleep. My mom got worried about me and now I'm scheduled to go see a psychiatrist monday. I just can't believe how totally cold she was about the whole thing, her own family was torn apart by her dad cheating on her mom, and when her sister cheated on her husband it really messed up her kids, so she knows what this can do to a person but she just acted like it was nothing, like it's my own fault for caring about her. I just can't believe she can cast me aside so easily like that, I had no idea she even had that kind of cruelty in her.

I have almost no experience with women, this was my first girlfriend, someone who meant more to me than anyone ever has, I've told her things I've told no one else and placed my heart squarely in her hands and she just tore that all away. I'm seeking help but I still have some doubts about my ability to cope, I know it's stupid to hold on to a relationship like that but I'm just so lonely, I've suffered from depression before but this has just put me at a lower point than I've ever been. I try not to dwell on it but I can't concentrate on anything else; she's the one that did wrong, so why does she get to be the one that's loved and happy, while I'm sitting alone in my room thinking about what would be the best way to end myself? I'd do anything just for a hug at this point but I don't even get that.

I know, I should get over her and move on, but I'm just not good with women at all, it took me 19 years to attract the first one, I don't even know how I'll get another. People keep telling me I need to be more confident and women will like me, but it's hard to keep your confidence up when you're just constantly failing at whatever you try.

Sorry for the little pity party/rant, I dreamed about her again last night and I' just feeling lower and lower and just hoping to get some things off my chest, seems like right now I'm having to force myself to keep breathing. I wish you luck with your love life, just keep trying to get through it. If you get to the point where you feel you can't handle it anymore at least check yourself into the emergency room and talk to someone there, they'll help you get whatever assistance you need.
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replied May 27th, 2012
Omg,,,reading ur story makes me cry,,,ive been in the same situation a you,,it still hurts dis days,,,i was 18 when i met this guy, he was my first boyfriend and the only relationship that i was serious with, i still missed him these days even if he's with someone else, life sucks aye,,
Well what happen is that i take my family before him, he a caring loving person i ever know, but i my family didnt want him because they belive that he wasnt good enough for me,it hurts knowing that ur family dnt except him for who he is,,,and so i try to ignore him and left him,,we didnt talk or end our relationship, i jst cant say it to his face, ever since it kills me knowing that he moved on and start a family,while im regreting everthing and blaming myself for all the mistakes ive been with,,,i dont know but i hope that someday i can faced him and say im sorry for everything,,I STILL LOVED HIM,,but only God knows my heart,,everynight i dreamed about him, even thou its been 6 years,, :"(,,,
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replied July 10th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
You see Dante? There are lots of people going through the same thing you are. You know, if this only happened a week ago, no wonder you are in such a state. It takes some time to grieve and get over her, so don't worry, you will. I don't think you are ready for a shrink, but it won't hurt to talk to him. If you had been like this for over a year or more, yes, but a week? You'll be ok. How would you like to be cheated on and left with two little kids and no job, after 11 years of marriage? That's what I went through. My husband was the kind that wanted me to stay home with the kids, so I did, then he meets some woman at work and starts cheating. Mean and cold? He was like a totally different person, like ICE. I was devastated. He is the love of my life, and he betrayed me. I threw him out, and was determined to do something with my life. Within a month, just when I was starting to make a life for myself and finally smile again, he shows back up begging to come back. We've now been married 39 years. But I refuse to let him hurt me or pull any more crap, and he knows it. He respects me more than he ever did for not being a doormat and has thanked me for straightening him out. So you see, things can work out for you, when you make up your mind you are not going to let anyone walk on you, and treat you shabbily. Don't waste too much time on her...she's not worth it! Nobody is! YOU count the most!
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replied July 10th, 2009
Thanks, I still think I could benefit from talking to a shrink though, this isn't what caused the depression, I've dealt with that for years and just kept it to myself, but now this was just a major blow all at once that knocked me pretty low and I'm not sure if I can deal with it myself anymore.
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replied July 10th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Ok babe, you know you best! Good luck!
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replied July 10th, 2009
I was convinced a girl I was dating was my soul mate. After several months of dating I was deployed to Iraq and we promised each other that we would remain faithful and confessed our undying love. I remember fondly spending relaxed days with her, we seemed to understand each other and shared common goals and morals. Three months later while in a combat zone I get on myspace at an internet center on base and find all of my pictures taken off her page and replaced with pictures of her kissing a boy she had previously told me was like a brother to her. Long story short I had highly frequent thoughts of suicide over the next two months and am still heart broken today (this was in december). I don't feel ready for another relationship or know if I can ever give my heart like that again, but I do feel time is healing me. It will heal you too. Go to concerts, go to the gym, go to movies, get a pet, spend time with friends. That's what helped me be happy again. I'm sorry this happened to you, it's not fair.
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replied July 10th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
Sorry you both had to go through this, but it's part of life. You very rarely find the right girl the very first time. It takes lots of looking and weeding out the wrong ones, because the right one will be worth all the effort. But David, you said it best, you have to keep busy, and in time, the pain becomes less and less. Time does heal all wounds..doesn't mean you will ever forget the hurt, but you will learn to go on and love again.
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replied December 7th, 2009
Not all men are the same, Some of us actually do care about girls, sometimes we feel the same way you do now, it takes time to get over someone, but moving on is the best thing in life, I felt the same way once, and although I may be very young, I still felt that I wanted to marry and have a family with this person, that dream never came true, We have to be strong, and very soon, we'll move on..
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replied December 7th, 2009
just wanted to say i had a simular thing and the guy did do wrong but he didn't mean to. I really liked him and had the whole heatbreak for years. untill someone said are you not angry. I didn't think i was but then thought about it and really was. It didn't mean i had to hate them, and just letting myself feel angry really helped me start to get over him.
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