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My fiance broke it off and sold my ring the next day.

Together for 3 year and then got dogs, always assumed that we'd be together but was never sure. After a few months it felt like he was distance and he finally admitted that he had a panic attack and realized that he hadn't lived his life and because we've been together for so long the next step was marriage and he did know if he was ready. Pretty much had a midlife crisis at 22. Even when we were broken up i saw and talked to his family pretty often, they said that they want me to stay in their life. Came and took the dogs every 2 weeks. But three months later told me he missed me and that those three month were the loneliest he'd ever been. A week later he proposed, and we began making plans. 2 month after that he moved in with me and my mom and i guess that's when the problems started.
I don't think it was cause we live together, he spent a lot of time at my house and slept there almost every night. Fought about the dumbest things and ill admit that a lot of fights were my fault. From January till June we did argue but it wasn't all the time, just ups and downs. Mid may he had a knee surgery and couldn't go to work, where as he work 12 hrs a day 5 days a week, and he couldn't do jujitsu or really go out. And I think that's when things go really bad. I don't know if it's cause he was so cooped up, but began being distant again, i keep asking but said everything was fine. Last Tuesday is when we broke. My friend was here when we argued, the arguing wasn't going anywhere so me and her left for a little, told me that he'd be there when i got home but two hours later my mom called and said that he left with some stuff and left a note. I rushed home and the note was really short and cold, pretty much that we became different people and that this was probable for the best and he'd called me later to see when he could pick up the rest of his stuff. But Just a month prior he told me he couldn't live with out me and never wants to lose me.
I looked for him we talked for hours and ultimately broke. He said all the arguing make him lost the will to be in a relationship and he wasn't in love anymore, but he still loved me. Not like a friend, he said l love you very much, but right then he just wasn't in a state to be in love. He said that he was going to see a councilor the next day to sort out all his thoughts, and then he call me. So the next day i waited when he came by to talk he said that he just can't be in a relationship right now. That he needed to work on himself, figure out his life, He said that he wasn't planning on cutting me out of his life, he'll still come see the dogs, and sometimes go out to lunch or dinner with me just not intimate. And he also said because of our history and i was his first love that to be honest he could fall back in love, but right now he just needs to do this. Said that even married people get separated and back together. I said they're bound by law and kids so its harder to just break. He pointed to our dogs and said that we have kids. After i calmed down He took all of his clothes and nic nacs, but left the big stuff like, couch, tv, tables, sports stuff. Said he leave it for me since he didn't need it and didn't want my house to be empty. It hurt packing his stuff, but didn't look like it hurt him, he said after all the fighting, crying, and near breakup he was too numb for emotion. But at certain moments it did look like he was fight back tears, he said that it did hurt though. The next day i found out that he was selling my engagement ring. Asked him and he said that it hurt having it, that it wasn't the best of memories. He'd rather sell it & if things worked out he'd get me a new one. but he'd never sell the promise ring he gave me, cause that means the most to him. I'd asked him if all the things that he said about falling for me again was just a sugar coat, he said that he meant everything he said. This time I don't have his family to turn to, they don't seem care anymore. On his face book were still engaged to each other, and he still has the engagement photos up. But its all hidden so that only i see it, along with everything that has to do with us. Don't know why he didn't just remove it. Was it easy because he found some else? Is he really just taking time for himself? Or is he just bull shitting me with everything? After 4 1/2 years he gave up so easily. But he put the promise ring i gave him on his key ring.
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replied September 11th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi rebeccalost,

Pay attention to the small things in a relationship, they can easily escalate into big things. Him moving in with you and your mom, gave him insight as to how it would be married. The petty fights, regardless as to who's fault it was, was enough to make a mole hile into a mountain. He has sought some professional counselling and has discovered that he needs some time to find out more about himself and solve his own issues. Allow him to do that. He left you the big furniture items, took the ring, pawned it so he could have a few dollars in his pockets. I believe he does love and he should be given credit for wanting to give you the very best he has within himself by stepping away to try and figure out what his problem is. It doesn't mean he is pushing you out of his life, he just love you enough to put the brakes on the relationship until he can get himself together. Now, I would advise you do the same for yourself. Get some counselling and find out what problems you need to work on that would make you a better person. Take a break from being a couple with the understanding that you each want and love each other but the best thing you can do at this time for the relationship is to love yourself first then when the time is right, you will spend your time appreciating and valuing each other rather than arguing about petty, silly things that can and will create a wedge that oftentimes, won't close all the way.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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