Well let me start off by saying that both of my parents have never been the responsible type. I used to think that my dad was everything. An honest, hard working man. At the age of 12, I found marijuana in his drawer, although at the time i did not know what it was. I showed my mom and she urged me it was rolling tobacco for cigarettes. I have never been grounded once, which may seem nice, but after a while I matured and really thought that I would like more stability and responsibility.
My parents got along great until we moved in the year 2000. This is where everything crumbles and goes downhill. They started fighting more often, my mom would get emotionally violent ripping my dad apart and she accused him of being gay because she found him looking at homosexual pornographic material on the computer. This had a big impact on me too. I didn't know what to think being maybe 9-10 years old. This was the start of everything.
In 2003, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. They found it early, and her lymph nodes came back negative which was a big sign of relief. While going through chemo therapy, however, she was always depressed and crying and starting fights with my father. They both can be verbally abusive but never physically.
Now it just goes downhill. Ever since i started highschool, my dad has become a drug user, and a alcoholic. There marriage pretty much ended by the time i started highschool, but never went through with a divorce. My house used to be well put up in the neighborhood, but now that my parents have been at each others throats our house is terrible. We have a mice problem, our house is not clean at all, it used to be cleaned everyday. My mother and father have no rules for me what-so-ever. I feel that they have failed as parents to be responsible.
I recently learned that my mom is seeing my old best friends dad. Me and this kid were bestfriends through elementary and middle school, but we just grew apart when we got to highschool. She told me she was seeing him and i didn't know what to think, i mean hes a good guy and all but its just really awkward. My dad has NEVER been there for me for emotional support and I feel we have no strong relationship at all. And I also believe he favors my brother more because hell go out and get him whatever he wants, hes been school clothes shopping twice, and im still wearing my clothes from last winter, and my coat that barely fits.
I would say I am more closer with my mom, but I have a very hard time opening up and expressing my emotions. I am very smalll for my age, I am 5'7 and 110-115 lbs. I was a so called "late bloomer" and was excited when i started puberty.
I have NEVER talked to my dad about any of my problems, and I feel that I just cant talk to him about anything because he seems out of it 24/7. It's very hard opening up to someone when you don't have a close relationship at all. My mother and father both work extremely long shifts, and whenever my mother gets off work her time is always spent with her new boyfriend, she never spends time with me or my brother. My brother and I do not have a close relationship what-so-ever. He is more on my dads side, but I am on no ones side. I love both of my parents equally, but I would say I am closer with my mother.
My dad thinks its ok. I think he buys my love with money because I can usually get away with asking for around 10-15 dollars every other day and he will do it. I think he just does it to make me leave so he can have the house to himself with no one bothering him. I am 16 years old right now, I should be a junior, but am a sophomore I am behind a half credit.
I have a lot of friends, and enjoy going out with them everyday. I am not going to lie either, I do smoke weed and drink sometimes on the weekends so yea. My mom and dad both do not care what I do like i previously said. They do not keep track on my school work, just tell me to do good and even if I do bad they won't do anything. I am never home on the weekends and I never really talk to my mother or father that much. My dad's routine is getting off work around 3 pm and sitting at home usually high on drugs and drinks at night. My mom works very long shifts, because they are in the middle of a divorce so she has to work long shifts to make money for living on her own.
When I am alone, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I wish i could open up easier, and I wish i could have a closer relationship with my family, but it seems just hard to do and I can't explain it. I have a hard time talking about how I am feeling and my emotions are always in a haze. Me and my brother have a terrible relationship as well also. He tries to be cool to me when hes alone, but he is also a lot bigger than me and is a freshman. He like picks on me when hes with his friends and they annoy me a lot but I am a lot smaller than most of them. My brother changes his personality when there not around, trying to be cool with me. I usually am a complete !**@! to him because I just have a lot of anger and jealousy towards him. The fact that hes bigger, and the fact that my dad will get him what he wants just makes me feel terrible. I get better grades than him now ( i messed up freshman year) I maintain a c+ average which isnt good but its decent. He is currently failing all his classes but he manages to get whatever he wants.
I feel like there is no connection between me and my mother anymore. We used to be so close and now we don't talk and I see her not even a full hour a day. When she is not working her time is spent with her new boyfriend. So while I am at home, I feel just sheltered, i cant find a word to describe it. I feel very lonely and I never have anyone to talk to.
I don't know if i'm ready to speak to a counselor. I find it very nervous and awkward to go and talk to a stranger about all of my problems even though they can help. My escape in life is my friends. That is the one time i am never down. I enjoy every minute hanging with them and most of them have similar problems as I do, such as parents getting a new boyfriend or girlfriend, or using drugs. When I am at home, most of my time is spent with my room as I have no connection what so ever with my brother or father. I feel my dad is very very lazy and only cares about his cocaine weed and alcohol. I know he does coacine because i find half straws in his pockets and even found a bag with white powder in it. It just makes me feel worse when these kind of things happen. He doesn't care about our house, it is filty and not even close as cozy as it used to be. He does little lawnwork and if I ask him about doin something such as taking care of the rodent problem, he just says hell call an exerminator next weekend, and never EVER goes through with it. We have absolutely no groceries in our house EVER. Hell go shopping once in a great while but whats about it. We don't even have milk or eggs or any lunch meat, soup, or snacks in the house which is another thing that just keeps adding on to my never ending list of stress.
I just really wish i could open up easier and have someone to talk to. I constantly feel alone in my own world and my emotions are ALWAYS in a haze. I want a stronger connection with my mother more than anything I feel she doesn't care about me or my brother anymore. She still says she loves me and sometimes asks if i have anything i wanna talk about but i just say i don't because i find it hard talking to her when we have little connection anymore. I don't really have any bestfriends i can talk to this sort of thing about.
This is my big list of thoughts. I never have spoken to anyone about them. This is the biggest and most time I have ever opened up. I am just a 16 year old teenager trying to get mentally healthy.
It makes it ten times harder when I am not even close with my grandparents at all either. My moms mom lives with her husband (step-grandpa really cool guy) in upper michigan. My moms dad, who i have never been close with, lives in arizona and my dads relitives live in nevada. I am stuck in the suburbs of detroit.
Well thanks for anyone who took the time to read this, ill add other stuff but now i think i pretty much got it all out. Please post your concerns and tips.
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replied November 5th, 2008
And i would just like to add. When I am with my friends I think back to when i'm im my room alone. I think why am i such a baby about things because I am having such a good time just hanging out with them. But it's so different when i get home. I go back to that state of mind where i constantly think and am stressed. I am not depressed and never have had any thoughts on suicide. I do get depressed at times, but It's not like i inflict body harm or think about death. I just become sad thinking about how kids have strong relationships with their parents and feel loved all the time and are surrounded by it. It's one of the things everyone should charish because i know that i crave it and love IS happiness.
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replied November 5th, 2008
Experienced User
I used to have a strong "relationship" with my biological father. My parents divorced when I was 21. Looking at the difference between my brother and me and then my sisters, the "family" was not a good thing for us. You need to definitely get some help. You also need to stop the weed and alcohol. I'm not trying to sound like anything other than the fact that they don't do you any good. Your problems are still there. They don't go away when you drink or get high. I was kinda in your position. Up until I was 34 that is. I lost my son then. My biological father said "that's one less mouth to feed." I stopped talking to him. I did give him another chance and only because of my daughters. In June of this past year, I cut all ties. I have not spoken to him at all. I have to see a therapist for it all. My Mom is now better off. Very happy. I am greatful she could leave him and give my sisters a better life and father. (she did remarry). My husband has also cuts all ties with his family. I know you want that closeness with parents, but sometimes, that just doesn't happen. But please, for your sake and safety, go see someone. Talking here was a very big first step
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replied February 12th, 2009
MTV True Life Casting Call
Hi there ~

I work for MTV News & Documentaries in New York, and I'm currently researching a new round of episodes for MTV's long-running series, True Life. The series, if you're unfamiliar, employs first-person narrative storytelling to provide a window into the lives of young Americans. To date, the series has explored topics as complex as living with a disorder such as autism or obsessive-compulsive disorder; living in extreme poverty; single parenting; and being deployed to and returning from military service in Iraq.

True Life also explores all aspects of human relationships--families and friendships, among other things. We're currently exploring the idea of a True Life episode featuring young people who are involved in a family feud. We are interested in hearing from people with all kinds of stories, from those who are having major disputes with their families, people who are currently seeking counseling to settle their quarrels, people having to take legal action against their family members, families feuding with other families like modern-day Hatfields and McCoys, and everything in between. Can you help us put out our call for stories?

We're specifically looking for stories that are unfolding in the present, in which the feud plays a role in a process, upcoming decision, change or transition on the horizon for the people involved.

We would like to get the word out to people in our age range (17-28, roughly, though anyone who appears younger than 28 is welcome to submit their story) who might be interested in possibly sharing their story and ultimately participating in a documentary project that would follow as they navigate whatever conflict, tension, obstacle, or decision they are facing because of or related to their family feud.

I have attached a flyer detailing what we are looking for, and if you could help us by forwarding, posting, or printing and hanging it up anywhere you feel is appropriate, we'd be grateful.

Best regards,

Phillip Thomas
MTV-True Life
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