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my boyfirend seems to have gone of sex

I have been with my boyfriend for about 16 months. Both 30
After 12 months, he was moving cities as he wanted a change of career and to be closer to his friends and asked me to join him which I did (he moved before me, by about 6 weeks and got the flat set up and ready for us both)

I have been here since the start of november and our once very active sex life has slowed up to weekend sex and only because I initiaite it

He says its because he is tired he is up at 5am and home by 8pm doing personal training. He has some time off during the day and i know he watches porn
He is very cuddly and affectionate and we get on together - so i am not really sure whats going on - or am i just being insensitive to his new career and the pressures he is feeling?

He is always making silly remarks saying "are the hot guys checking out my pretty" or "pretty is going to show off to all the hot guys"...no idea why he says this??!

I fell pregnant too, and had an abortion at the end of november

I know a move can be stressful and for him starting a new job and working such funny hours can be hard, but i dont know why he appears to be less interested.

Any advice to spice thing up?
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replied January 21st, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Pointing out that other men are taking notice of you is probably sign that he's aware that he's letting you down. If his level of affection hasn't changed it's likely that he's experiencing some issues with arousal. When you've talked to him about his level of intimacy what has he said?
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replied January 21st, 2010
he just says he is tired. Last night he said its because he likes the cuddles too much.
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replied January 21st, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
And when you explained that your needs aren't being met in the relationship? Did he believe that his tiredness or cuddliness was acceptable?
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replied January 21st, 2010
yes he does.
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replied January 21st, 2010
Community Volunteer
What was he like before he moved?...Hot and horny or a lower libido...As we women age we get hotter....As a man ages he slows down...Some quicker than others....I would say to keep him sexually alive...Work your magic...Frequent sex makes frequent sex...Try going after him the first thing in the morning...Good luck...

Caroline
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replied January 21st, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
If he's not motivated to take care of you it sounds like you're going to have to decide if not getting your needs met sexually is going to work for you in this relationship.

I wish you luck.
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replied January 21st, 2010
Caroline - before we were seeing eachother 4-5 times a week and most of the time we would have sex.
Also when he drunk he was always wanting it, which is something else that has changed...

Thank you both for your responses
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replied January 22nd, 2010
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Was he this deep into Porn before he left?...Were both of you into it when he was making love to you 4 or 5 times a week?....If anything he would want you more when you came there...He isn't that old and has been very sexually active before you got there...It is possible that he may be into Porn and jacking off for the girls....He has his Harem in front of him who require no foreplay....

Caroline
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replied January 22nd, 2010
i am not sure as I did not live with him
I guess he watches it now as its during the day when he most wide awake

Perhpas he watches it because he has gone off me

His friends told me when he was younger he used to be into some quite explicicit stuff, but that he isnt anymore
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replied January 22nd, 2010
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No, he would be watching it because he is not with you...You are in no way the fault of this....Men form a love affair with Porn....When he makes love to you is he really getting it on or going through the motions?....

One other thing...Might he not be having sex with you in fear of your getting pregnant again?....

About the quite explicit stuff...How explicit?...What is happening now is raw...Live sex on the net is explicit...This they sell through the web....
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replied January 22nd, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
OK Caroline, enough sexism for just a little while. The only thing that all men do is have penises.

AM1 Does it much matter why he is refusing to take care of you?
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replied January 22nd, 2010
carline, i think you are right that the pregnancy was a worry - as he mentioned that (when drunk - he is not to open when sober)

I don't know how explicit ...the stuff he watches now isn't, i even suggested watching it with him. I am not opposed to porn

Wolf not sure if i am reading your question right.but if you are asking does it matter, then yes it does.

And last night was the same he wants massages and cuddles but just is not into the sex. I went out and he said have a good time but dont show off too much. And this morning he said did i get chatted up, i said no, he said, he bet i did...

So on one hand he seems to care, but on the other gone off me...Am i just a companion to him, one he is no longer attracted to?

hopefully it will resolve soon Smile
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replied January 22nd, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
AM1
Something infinitely more odd is going on than porn addiction. A year and a half really isn't enough time for a guy to lose interest in you, especially if he demonstrates his affection in non-sexual ways. Job and moving stress could certainly explain a hit to his sex drive but not his unwillingness to address an issue that is concerning you. Its got to be clear to you that there is something not being communicated between you two. It could be health-affecting. Unfortunately I don't know of a way to force honesty from someone. All I can suggest is to continue to express that your needs aren't being med and you don't understand why.
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replied January 22nd, 2010
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Hi AM1...I've looked at your last post and the one thing that stands out is your one sentence:.."Am i just a companion to him, one he is no longer attracted to?"...

It is possible that he is afraid you will get pregnant again and not get an abortion...Or, it is possible that he thinks it is time to move on...So many if's....Your best solution to this is talk to him...Tell him how you feel and if you get negative vibes then move on....Take care...

Caroline
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replied January 25th, 2010
just to say thanks to both of yo.
What you said helped. And the weekend was good!
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replied January 25th, 2010
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Men can be silent creatures... If they are worried about life or are stressed out, they often will keep this to themselves...Sex can be the last thing on their mind....When a man works hard he needs rest....In love making theirs is the demanding job...We women have it easy....Now add to this many of us women get more sexually hungry as we age and you have now joined the circle of women in heat...

Go for the weekends...If he is off for the day and not tired, it's different....Remember one thing...You are just beginning to grow into the sexual woman that you will become...If the need arises, get out one of your toys....Satisfy yourself...Don't tell him what your doing if you think he will get jealous...I don't tell my husband as "He Is Jealous"...You just may find that by doing this that you smile a little more and that the romance department will be much more satisfactory... Wink .Take care.....

Caroline
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