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Mum takes everything as a vicious comment

Hello. Im new here so if this is the wrong section or problem not really big enough just tell me. Not got a huge problem compared to others. But after years of being messed around by my dad my mum takes everything you say to her in the most vicious and evil terms it can be, in turn this makes her very angry and she becomes extremely abusive and sometimes violent. Its triggered by tiny things. For instance I dont have very good hearing and sometimes dont hear everything she says, when i say pardon she takes this means that ive not been listening or am being sarcastic, this then sets off a chain reaction of anger and abuse. Things like this make me really depressed and i dont sleep or eat as much as I should do because of it. Its horrible to live with because she starts a new argument every day and will hold onto things for weeks. And there is not much you can say to her without receiving an immense amount of verbal abuse because she thinks your being nasty. Thanks for reading.
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Users who thank dannythemanny for this post: AnimeGirl1992 

replied December 12th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

Your mother is using you as a stress-relieving verbal punch-bag and has got into the habit of doing so - a habit that will be almost impossible to break.
In addition she dwells on things and picks at them like a vulture over a carcass...

Not only has she become maladjusted, her brain must be like a hamster on an exercise wheel - going around in circles and getting nowhere.
To keep this up every day she must be fuelled by large quantities of adrenalin - the sort of quantity that comes from being permanently almost in a rage or in the depths of a serious hatred...

Possibly you remind her of her erring husband and you are accessible for her to hand out the punishment your dad should be getting or maybe she just doesn't like you at all...

You don't give your age but I suggest you leave her to her own devices as soon as you can because I doubt she will change anytime soon.
If you cannot leave there are few things you can do...

*Make a show of needing a hearing aid and keep it turned off and then feign total deafness.
*Carry on as you are.
*Give her a taste of her own medicine by becomming more angry, nasty and voluble than she and hope it concentrates her mind.
*Record her rantings and continuously play them back in the home and outside for all to hear and try and embarass her into silence.

I feel from your writing she is beyond hope of changing voluntarily or being changed by any influences around her. Unless she has a breakdown and needs psychiatric services and medicating her anger will sustain her until it eventually destroys her.

You certainly should not have to live like that so you should leave if you can.

Good luck!
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replied December 28th, 2012
I have gone through the same thing. Everything you say nothing is enough. It still goes on but it has slowed down mainly because im so far away from her most of the year she tries not to. The only thing i can say is that if nothing you say helps the relationship you may want to consider ending it or saying listen im tired of feeling this way and if you keep it up i will not talk to you for a certian amount of time and go through with it and if that still doesnt work. consider pulling away you dont need the stress
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