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Well, this is kind of a long story, so if you have nothing to do at work (like me), feel free to read my book and advise! I am at a loss as to what I need to do at this point.

background story
My boyfriend and I started dating in September of 2005 and became pregnant not too long after that (failed birth control. FYI-don't get free pills from the doctor's office that are expired!). My boyfriend's mother lives in Maine, we live in South Carolina. She is extremely overbearing. One time, she called the cops to come out to our house because he hadn't called her in 2 days. Mad

Our daughter was born in June of 2006 (getting close to her second birthday!).
The first time I ever met his mother was when she sent us train tickets when the baby was 3 months old. It was a 26 hour ride Shocked Shocked

For our daughter's first birthday, his mother invited herself to come stay in our tiny 2 bedroom apartment. That is fine and all, but she was bringing her husband, her 2 daughters, and 1 of her daughter's boyfriends. Running total of people staying in said tiny apartment: 7 adults and 1 infant and a dog (one shower, one toilet, not much hot water, etc). The WHOLE time, none of them picked up anything after themselves. I found myself CONSTANTLY cleaning. One day, I had asked my boyfriend to take out the huge mass of trash and to feed the baby after that. I was busy cleaning the kitchen at the time (8 people make a lot of dirty dishes). Well, as soon as he walked out the door with the trash, she turned to me and said, "Does he always think like that?" and I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean-feel like what?" Well, then she proceeded to say, "Does he always think that he has to do EVERYTHING and that you can't do ANYTHING?" Shocked Mad Shocked Mad
I had to get out of there and take a little walk to cool myself down.
So, we haven't seen her since.

current situation
Well, it's coming up on our daughter's second birthday, so of course, we invited her to come down. I sent hotel prices this time, hoping she would get the hint that I didn't want her staying in my house again. Well, she ignored that information and invited herself to stay with us again (new apartment, same amount of space). I reluctantly gave in because I knew it was only for a few days and it's only once a year.

So then, me and the boyfriend get into a big fight and break up. He left the house and everything for a few days. We have since mended things and are trying to work things out so all three of us are happy.
His mother calls him at work this past Friday trying to get him to string me through a long custody battle, telling him to do things he's never even heard of. I'm almost positive she told him to get a paternity test again too (she told him that when she found out I was pregnant but as soon as she saw the baby for the first time, she ate her words). Meanwhile, she is totally bashing me until my boyfriend finally tells her to F-off and hung up on her.

The funny thing is, she had been e-mailing me at work back and forth being all chummy telling me to go kayaking and stuff and asking about the baby.

Today, after hearing that she has been bashing me and hating on me for the last 2 1/2 years, since I became pregnant, I wrote her an e-mail telling her to not talk to me again and that she is NOT welcome in my house ever again. If she wants to see the baby, she can fork out the money for a hotel room and THEN she won't even get to see her unsupervised.

I am just done with her. She is the worst mother in law ever. I'm sure every couple has their mother in law from HELL, but none compare to this piece of work.

Any advice????? Greatly appreciated!
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replied May 6th, 2008
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Update
Got more information about the Friday conversation...

She DID tell him to get a paternity test.
She DID tell him to take me to court for custody.

SO MAD RIGHT NOW I COULD SPIT FIRE!

If she thought he might not be our daughter's father, why would she want him to get custody of her?

I am DONE with her. DONE.
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replied May 11th, 2008
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Marianne, you really don’t need any advice. You handled the situation perfectly. First by going for a walk instead of exploding, (I think I would have) then to send recommendations for alternative accommodation, and finally by standing up for yourself.
Nobody has the right to treat you this way - let alone an overbearing woman who has only seen you twice in her life.

The upside is that your bf stands firmly behind you and by the looks of it will never allow his mother to speak badly of you. And of course the fact that she lives so far away is also a plus point. You only have to deal with her once a year, if at all.

As far as your daughter is concerned: don’t let her be alone with this woman. Children are very easily influenced, and by the looks of it - this awful woman will stop at nothing.

Good luck to you.
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replied May 11th, 2008
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Wow what a story. It's what makes all those MIL jokes so very funny and oh so true.

You did right. Good for you! It takes guts to cut someone off like that. You are a little like me...I let people get down my throat and stay there so long that I think I will die. Then you just vomit them out because you can't help it anymore! I know about how many dishes and mess 8 people make: that's how many people I have here and it's not easy. At least I'm the one in charge and can tell them to pick up their mess and they are not allowed to back talk.

Your boyfriend's mom has no right to see the baby or you if you don't wish it. Stick to your guns and shoot when you have to (figuratively speaking of course lol). Just be glad that she is as far away as she is and not the the same town.

FYI, I cannot tell you how many times I have seen the complete reverse of the personality of a person from the internet to real life. It's amazing. You never know what the person is really like on the other side.
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replied May 11th, 2008
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I used to joke with my MIL that oh here is my wicked MIL. Now married I can see that she was actually wicked!! My MIL is flat out crazy and the problem I'm facing is to kick her out my house. She imposed to live in my house against my will for 5 months now and my husband has no courage to kick her out. It makes me want to throw up. I envy my friends who have real nice in laws..
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replied May 11th, 2008
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Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
Marianne............you get the GOLDEN BALLS AWARD! First, she is not LEGALLY your Mother In Law. You are NOT married to this baby's father. If you and your boyfriend are fine with your situation as it is now, then he needs to get some gonads and tell her himself to butt out. I despise two faced people and this woman...thing....person invites herself and her family into YOUR home and has the nerve to say such things...Oh hell no.......not in this lifetime. Time to play" Whats it gonna be!" You seem to have a great relationship with your boyfriend up until its birthday time.....If your boyfriend does go for a paternity test and does the things His MOMMY is telling him to do then this should be your answer. If on the other hand he ,you and your daughter are happy with life as it is, he needs to be a man (if he really and truly loves you both) and tell his Mommy to get over it...... She sounds like soemone I could really put in her place...........here on eHealth I am Fairy*Godmother and I bite my tongue a lot....in rel life, I'd probably end up in jail cause I'd have to put her in her place! Got your back Girlfriend! Keep us posted HUGS!!!!!!!!!
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replied May 12th, 2008
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Update:
She had replied to the e-mail I sent her stating that none of this was true and that she never said she hated me. Well, you don't have to use the word "hate" to give off the vibes that you DO, in fact, hate someone.

She then stated that she never advised my bf to string me through a custody battle. She said she just wanted him to make sure he had some legal rights.

Well, she told him to get a DNA test so he would have legal rights as her father, BUT that is not the law here in South Carolina. I pointed that out and told her that she was only working for a probate judge and didn't know chit because she only had access to estate laws and never went to college. I told her that her son signed a paternity acknowledgment form and that he signed that to be her father legally. If he hadn't have signed that form, he wouldn't be on her birth certificate. At this point, the only reason for a DNA test would be to prove that he is NOT the father. Until then (even if he wasn't her biological father[which he is]), he would be financially responsible for supporting her. It's kind of confusing, but in other words, he IS her father until a DNA test proves he isn't. (But he is anyway).

My friend told me that I should make her get a DNA test to PROVE she is her grandmother or else she can't have any visitation with the baby. It would make her waste $800, and then I could point and laugh at her.

In my reply, I told her that she would have to be blind to think the baby wasn't my bf's and if she really felt that way then she needs to stay out of all of our lives.
She called yesterday to tell me happy Mother's Day, but I wouldn't take the phone from my bf and gave him the finger Smile

The bf and I have had several conversations about this and I let him know that I choose to be with him, not his mother. If she has a problem with me, she will need to get over it or she won't have any relationship at all with her only grandchild.

I'm glad I let her know how I feel about her though because it feels like a HUGE burden has been lifted from my shoulders.

She better not be still planning to come next month!
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replied May 12th, 2008
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Good For YOU!
GO GIRLFRIEND! YOu have got your CAACAA together! I am so very proud of you! Keep us posted!
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replied May 12th, 2008
if you're sure he's the father, why not let him take the test and she'll have nothing to say if its as you believe? the only reason not to, would be if you were afraid he may not be.

I'd say let him take the test and then dismiss her from your life.
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replied May 12th, 2008
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Questions4u wrote:
if you're sure he's the father, why not let him take the test and she'll have nothing to say if its as you believe? the only reason not to, would be if you were afraid he may not be.

I'd say let him take the test and then dismiss her from your life.


I have told him that he is welcome to take a paternity test many times. He is sure he is her father. That was his decision not to take one, not mine.

There is always more than one possible reason for certain circumstances, so let's not assume things we don't know anything about. Truth be told, we don't exactly have $800 extra to throw away on something we are both sure of anyway.
If I was trashy, I would go on the Maury Povich show for a free one...
He even told his mother that he would take one if she paid for it.
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replied May 12th, 2008
don't be offended, I was only giving you my opinion as you asked.

"feel free to read my book and advise"
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replied May 12th, 2008
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I'm not offended. I was simply replying to your comments.
I gave the reason we didn't want the test. It sounds so cliche', but there is NO way he isn't her father. We don't have that kind of money or else I would have made him do the test as soon as she was born to shut her up. But after 2 1/2 years, she shouldn't be barking up this tree anymore while still trying to be apart of her life. It's not fair to the baby to sit there and want to have a relationship with her, then turn around and say she doesn't think her father is really her father.

I mean, I have personal experience with this sort of thing. It is so obvious that me and my 2 sisters have different fathers, but we were always told differently. We just accept it and my father took care of all 3 of us just like we were his, so it is no different to us.

It takes a male to make a baby but it takes a man to be a father.
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replied May 12th, 2008
"t takes a male to make a baby but it takes a man to be a father."

truer words have never been spoken!


That sucks that they lied to you about separate fathers. I would've been pissed about that. Honesty is the best policy...it's not like you don't realize the man that WAS a father to you was the guy you grew up with regardless.
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replied May 12th, 2008
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'It takes a male to make a baby but it takes a man to be a father.' Brilliant.
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replied May 12th, 2008
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I have heard a similar quote..."any one can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad."

Same with Mother and Mom.
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