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Mother and adult son relationship

I need some help understanding what constitutes a healthy mother and adult son relationship. My husband is an only child and his mother was single for most of his childhood. She married when he was a teenager. He gets along with his step father but does not identify with him as his father. His own father died when he was 1 year old. My MIL frequently calls my husband to vent and complain. Sometimes about work, her marriage, her family, work, traffic, anything and everything. She calls at least once a day, often at night when I’m spending one on one time with him. We have an 8 month old daughter so our time together each night is only about an hour or 90 minutes at most. My husbands step father frequently vents to him too, often pulling him aside at gatherings to complain about his mother. My in laws live about 30 minutes away but aren’t very hands on when it comes to our daughter. They don’t know how to interact with children in any capacity and so all visits need to be monitored by someone bc they will make unsafe choices or choices that don’t go with our parenting style. (Putting baby somewhere unsafe, plopping daughter in front of tv when we don’t expose her tomtv yet, etc.) We visit and offer for them to visit to build a relationship and never rely on them for care.

My MIL frequently pushes to invite herself over during the busy work week and insists on seeing us each and every weekend for hours. I have tried to compromise but I’m starting to feel resentful of this. Each visit is filled with me catering to their wants and keeping my daughter happy for a nice visit.

My husband is very different from his mother in that she unorganized and unfocused and he plans things carefully and chooses his actions and words deliberately. He has identified this and I have voiced my fatigue at the constant calls and visits. He has acknowledged this but my MIL continues to push, even when pushed back on.

As I said, I’m starting to dread their visits and resent the fact that they both use my husband as some sort of therapist. I feel like it’s not a positive dynamic to call and complain to your child (even your adult child) especially now when we have a very full plate. But perhaps this is normal / healthy and I’m confused. Can anyone help me understand what is healthy in terms of a mother and adult son relationship?
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First Helper Lauren9211
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replied February 17th, 2019
My mother does this to me, and I am not even married. She is married to an abusive husband, and uses me like a surrogate. It is ridiculous. My mother insists I live with her until I'm old. She uses me as a therapist ranting about all her problems. I can't stand it. I assure you it is NOT healthy.
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Tags: parenting
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