User Profile
Sorry, my english is kinda messed up...

So... I dont know where to start, because I'm feeling broken every evening and not because of being tired...

Since I was a kid, I was a idea generator, the brain in the class, I went to artistic life style, hoping to suite my personality. For more that 7 years I feel like my personality is splitting. The good one who helps everyone (thats bcs I dont have a boyfriend.. All guys want my help as a person who listens and gives advices but none wants to have a relation, I feel so sad about it...) and the criticizing monster Mad . But there is a BUT...

All the "monster critics", being harsh to others, throwing all kinda humanity away
made me to what I am today... I'm hardly improving my drawing skills... Ever since I gone to college (not long, just so about 2 months by now), I started to drink and smoke to keep myself awake so that I can work by my drawings + I live in a dorm room, i dont go to partys, i dont even go out of my room, only to school. I'm alone because I want to be alone. But.... I feel pain... My personality is dying here... Im about 2000 kilometers away from my home because of my studies...

The simplest thing - I cant go home for 2 years... Sad I cant see the people who I love soooo much... I feel like someone left me here dying..

The funny thing is that I always have been like a adult. People say - Why are you doing this? You are only 19 years old... People uses my skills because I making an adult from myself... I speaking in 5 languages, play music instruments i was on stage for the last 10 years... I went away... And now im like trash....

I dont know what to do with this hell inside of me... ;(
I just need someone to talk with....
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper maefaith_00
|

replied October 4th, 2011
It seems to me you are depressed because of 2 things. Lack of meaningfull friendships and progress in your art. You need to get out more. Focus on something else beside art. You need to connect to more people. So you can find someone who understands you. This is also a numbers game. Finding friends can be a lot of work. Go do activities with them. Dont just be the helper.
If you focus to hard on art it will get nowhere and unwinding get your mind of it once in a while will get you your inspiration back. Using alcohol for that is terrible. It masks your problems and makes it worse in the long run. Widen your horizon with hiking sports snowboarding singing swimming music (with other people for fun so less serious) or volunteer work. Have you ever tought small children. My point is find something.
I would recomment something phisical to get out of your shell. Your body and exercise can give you new imputus. I took up woodchopping when I was depressed but I m a big guy so never mind that lol. Being small is no handicap in non-teamsports so dont worry.

So get friends who connect with you and dont hang around just because they want something from you. Get to know them better and invest time in friends who give back.
Regarding your art. You are stuck in your head so these two problems are connected.
I know it is not easy. It is hard for me to find people who I find interesting and have something to offer. It takes a lot of time and effort to find the right people for me. I go on bikerides and visit artexhibitions with friends or we chat in the park or a pub.

Excuse my lack of paragraphs and textual organisation. I hope you find ways to unwind and the right people. But dont push them away if they are not perfect. You need close friends to confide in and fun stuff less close friends for just fun stuff and aquantences for different reasons like study work.
You are too resultoriented now (the high preasure athlete type) and you need to wander and wonder to get your imagination back.

PS if you are really depressed you need to contact a professional
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 4th, 2011
I can say that you should call on God, if you're a Christian or if you're not a Christian, I think you need to get strength from your spiritual side. I can say this because that's what I do whenever I'm alone and choose to be alone. And after a few moments, I feel energized and ready for the world again.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied October 4th, 2011
Um yes, I'm Christian. Some how with all this stuff I forgot that Jesus loves me... Smile

Yeah, I have even forgot that I have a tattoo on my left shoulder. A cross with wings and under it written -
Jn. 3:16...
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied October 4th, 2011
Thanks... Very Happy
Exercises + remembering that Jesus loves me + piano I found in the dorm + listening to Party Rock anthem = this makes me kinda happy... Very Happy
Hope I'll make some new friends here Smile
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied October 5th, 2011
Hi LittleMiki! Human beings are social animals. No body can live in isolation, so we have friends, family and relationships to go about. Moreover we are dependent on each other for one thing or another. Just helping out your friends is not enough you have to spend good quality fun time together.
Your boy will come into your life, just wait for the right time. Enjoy doing activities you love to do. Don't stress yourself just because of one thing. Change is the need of life. You can find changes around you all the time. Change is the only thing constant in this world.
Good that you are going to make some new friends here.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Do you know how doctors define clinical depression? Learn more about this brain disorder and types of depression that doctors diagnose here....
Can depression run in families? Can hormones really make you depressed? Yes! Learn more about causes and conditions of clinical depression here....
People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. Do you know the signs and symptoms of depression? Read on to learn more....