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Messed up my career and life

Well I dont know where to start coz its messed up so bad i am terribly depressed due to career problems.
To start with i was the brightest student in my school days,but my over confidence and poor friendship decisions made me loose my acads ,from being a top student in school i became an average student.This is just the start,i somehow managed to clinch into an engineering college,during my engineering years i was heavily depressed coz of my poor showdown in college days which further messed up my grades though i somehow managed to get near 55% still no way near the 80's i used to get.
Now i am jobless for past 8 months due to poor academics and all these things,becoz of my depression i was not able to give even competitive xams like GRE GMAT and such.

I dont have a clue where my life will be heading,i even doubt if i will be able to earn a decent living.The worst part is most people who were dumber than me in school days are now in top firms having luxurious life and i am stuck in small apartment with shattered ambitions,poor acads and jobless .The worst part is even at this point my parents are good to me which i feel very bad coz i know i dont deserve their love coz i really let them down by doing badly in studies and my career side.I feel like a liability to them rather than as an asset.

Plz help
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replied February 3rd, 2010
hello dear , i know how it feels when your suffering depression ... it is hard .. and it is a battle .... as you said because of depression you can't go to school or find a job so depression is making your life harder .... the plan is to get rid of depression ... once you fight depression you can get your life back .... and do better ..i can see you focusing on ur acadimic a lot as if they are your life and not part of your life. so education.... degree ... academics are very important to you and thats very good but not in away to destroy you ....cause you are why more important than any thing els .... you are still who you are no matter what happens its ur brain ur abilities your skills..... my point is ,that bright student who you were so proud of is still inside you he is still here some where but tide up by the depression chains you need to get rid of these chains find away to break these chains cause ur smart and you can do it ... don't beat your self up life is hard ... depression is beating u up... you need to stand for your self .. treat your self with love and mercy you deserve it. you suffered enough pain. be gental with your self love your self and try to find out the cause of depression and how can you fight it back. focus on 1 thing at a time ... once you are back on your feet .. then you can start planing for your career and education as long as ur ok every thing is possible ... don't toucher your self by remembring what happen in the past relive the past and re live the pain feel guilty for it why waist your time.
and why feel guilty when your parents love you and treat you good deserve it my dear they are your parents if they didn't love you unconditionly then who would?? ... suffering illness is not a crime . you would love your father even if he was broke .cuase he is ur father you would always be proud of him for who he is not for what he does. your parents are good to you cause you are a good person. i would love my son no matter what... i don't care what type of job or education level i would sacrify my life for him because i love him no matter what ..and you would do the same once you get your own child,,
once you heal your self dear ... you will see how lovely life is ... and you would be able to do what ever you want when ever you want .. and be proud of it ...
i use to be an A student too i had the highest GPA in school in my city and in my province . i was honored by the minster of education many times and i had my pictures in the news paper and on tv .... but i use to suffer from sever stomachache i use to be hospitalized when ever some one gets 1 mark higher than me ... that is stupid ..... till one day mom got sick of me being sick all the time so when ever she see me studying she use to turn off the light and say enough studying i don't want u to be an A student i want a normal average healthy girl. as long as ur healthy and happy i don't care about any thing. many things happen during my life, horrible things and one of them was a war ....
i couldn't walk for 6 month or sleep .. i looked horrible .. i got depressed and i nearly lost every thing .. but thanks to god i was able to make it through ...
i knew when all doors are closed one door will never close its god i prayed for 7 month all night..... and i fight really hard .. finaly managed to stand on my feet ... hardly walk or take a shower but i use to take care of my grand father till he pass away. i got my health back thanks to god .then i went back to school .. university and use to take care of my grand mom ... she was sick renal failure.. even though i was a full time student, had a job .. i tried so hard to be there for her prepare her meals before going to school and show up when she has hemodialysis cause its so hard for her ... i wasn't an A student at that time but i was happy because i love school i love taking care of my granee, i had many activities in school a member of many things and i loved my job pluse i use to take courses in self improving that are not related to school at evenings and help my brothers and sister in home work or assignment. helping others makes you feel good some times i think that the prayers of my grandparents and parents helped me a lot .
i have seen many people going back to school at the age of 40, 50 one lady she was 53 and she manage to succeed in medicine now she is 56 in her 3d year of medicine .. knowledge has no specific age
you do have a chance to go after your dream ... your young and smart i know you can fight this depression .... pray god and ask your parants to pray for you ... visit a therapist ... take some med if you need it.. feel better be healthy then a new page its 2010 a new year and a new you i am positive and thats what your going to be i have a strong feeling that your going to make it and your going to be even better than before in a different way ..change the way you think your whole life will change say bye to all the bad thoughts that attacks ur mind and welcome every positive encouraging thought that makes you feel better.
all my best wishes
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Users who thank mariah79 for this post: messeduplife 

replied February 4th, 2010
I will try to work out,thanks for your confidence words,though i am scared still i will try
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replied October 30th, 2010
it's hard to tell a depressive what to do. But physical exercise is the single most important thing to do if u r depressed.

depressed for 40+ years,

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