Although I was diagnosed with depression at age 14, I feel like I have had issues all my life. I wasn't really depressed at all before the age of twelve I always cried because I wanted to live with my mom. My dad was very abusive to me all the years I was living with him. He called me and my mother many names and then when I cried about he would either mock me or tell me to stop crying because it is not that serious. I speculate that the same thing happened to him when he was younger but he got use to it and used it to his own advantage but I know nothing about him. The only reason he let me stay with my mom eventually at 15 was because I was threatening to kill myself. He recently has apologized to me but I don't know if I forgive him or not because he has apologized before and then kept doing the same thing. This has caused me to punch myself in the face or hit myself with an object almost everyday. I use to hit myself back then too but it was on an occasion and I quickly got over whatever was happening to me after that. Now i have multiple flashbacks everyday and I even wake up miserable every single day. It is hell!!! When I was little I had picked up many things similar to what my dad use to me. I know understand why I had a hard time making friends and why no one likes me. But the one thing I never stopped thinking about was my mom. She was always there for me
Regardless of how far away she was. She tried many times to get custody of me but it never worked. Eventually I started losing hope and now I am empty inside... I don't want to go on anymore because of the things That I have experienced which was more that what I wrote in this post which has ruined most of my childhood. I'm a teen now and hopefully I can get back to the way I use to live but I have lost so much hope that I don't even want to go on!!!! I just want to die but I am too scared to.
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replied January 5th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Yes you can get back to be like normal person but you need immediate help.
Get appointment with a mental health care professional ,he will start you on behavioural and cognitive therapy along with few medications.

I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Dr Khalil
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