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Married 3 months and am already questioning it

I need advice from people desperately and unfortunately do not have a support group of friends or family I can turn to right now as I am afraid of getting the "I told you so" response from everyone...

My husband and I were married three months ago. While I knew we had issues I truly believe(d) that I was making the right decision. When I first met my husband he had explained to me that alcoholism runs in his family and he felt he needed to get help in order for our relationship and his relationship with his family and friends to work. So, he left for a 30 day rehab program. I supported him through the whole thing and when he returned I would go to all his AA meetings with him and encouraged him. He stayed sober for about six months. At first he would only drink from time to time with his friends or over dinner with me but it progressively got worse and he ended up getting a DUI. After that things got better with him. He seemed back to his old self. Time went on and we got engaged and started to plan our wedding. Shortly before he started drinking heavily again and now he is getting worse. I don't know how to bring it up to him as he justs gets terribly mad and will literally ignore me or tell me that I am being a b-word and he doesn't have a problem. He is so distant. I can't get him to help around the house, pay bills, feed the dogs, take care of me when I am sick...he just doesnt seem to care about anything. I tell him how much I am hurting and how badly I want the marriage to work and I get little or no response. All he will say is that he just wants a wife that will let him do his own thing and not nag all the time. I am fed up with all of it and have no idea how to make him see that his lack of attention and responsibility, let alone his drinking is effecting our marriage. I know I am not perfect but I can't just sit around and watch him ruin his life and mine and our marriage.

I hope that I can get some honest advice from someone on here. I don't know what else to do at this point...I am obviously not getting through to him on my own. Thank you for anything ideas or pointers you can give me.
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replied January 25th, 2012
Community Volunteer
Hi Hopelesslyhurting and welcome to ehealth: He is an alcoholic and must quit drinking...This cannot be a half way deal, it must mean quit...I am more than familiar with this problem from my past...It's an either or situation...Either he stays with AA meetings and swears off drinking or your marriage may not make it...Alcoholism is hereditary ....Sad, but true....Good luck....Take care...

Caroline
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replied December 22nd, 2018
(online)
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and i understand your concern. You need a marriage counselling therapist, he needs alcohol quitting programs and you need patience. If either of you dont make enough effort, it will end in separation and alcohol reuse. If he plans to quit and yo plan to live alone then let the both hands make adequate efforts to make a clap.

I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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