i have bipoler i am 29 years old i had bipoler since i was a kid . my mom and dad had me hopitalized when i was 16 chemical imblanced they said . i was not normal they said . i had mood swings they said and i was exsperimenting in risky behavor like bi sexual tendinsies . but i felt more angry then anything i felt fine it was them that bothered me i wanted to live my life like i want . I get in moods where i am infensable and there is low mood swings that i am feeling to give up it is not worth getting out of bed for.


I am married now and have kids and i feel worse then i ever did. i feel so weak and helpless half the time . there is times when my hubby comes home from working 10 hour days a night in the morning i don'r get up because of feeling the way i am and the kids complain to their dad that they are hungry or thirsty. i feel like why can't u get it but then i relise that is why i am there for .

sex wise i want it all the time and when i don't get it i get angry . anger issues is not the part it is when i am manic i feel out of control.. people tell me take your meds and go to counsciling . i feel that i am fine with out it i hate the side effects it is more efficiant to get stoned then to pop a couple pills to get the same way i could with a little weed.

I think about that all the time how many times i was in and out of the hopsital with drug reactions and over doses . it is to the point the dr gives me a perscription i toss it in the trash i tell my family i do not want pills give me the weed . let me tork up for a while and be mellow that is the only thing that can mellow me out is a nice bong with some grass in it but then again people tell me no .

and no is the word i hate so i get pissed and then start drama where to the point i have sezuires. I tell my family and husband to back off and leave me alone i do not want to be babies nor treated like a kid .

i tell them i am who i am leave me be . so i have spending problems and filed for bank ruptcy and had my ulitilies shut off for non payment i always get the money and get it turned back on . it is my life not theirs and i am not hurting no one i am happy the way i am and they think they know better.

so what if i like to go on shopping sprees and buy things i want then give it away to people or resell it i can i paid for it comments i hear is what she is giving things away no it is mine i can do what i want with it.i feel rich when i have a little money in my pocket and i like to go out to spend it that is my money and people seem to think my business is their business and that is when the anger and depression starts then i feel so low about my self and horrable . it lasts for a while to the point i don't wanna eat just sleep . i think i am fine who i am and that is all it matters
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replied March 18th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
It doesn't sound to me like you think you are fine, I read a lot of sadness and desperation. Have you continued to see a psychiatrist at all? I know you don't want to take drugs, but they can really help YOU control your feelings and behaviors, so you are really doing what YOU want, not your illness.
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replied March 18th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Weed is a temporary fix to a life long problem. It will not help in the end. You need to seek some help. Go back to your psychiatrist. Let them tweak the medications you take. Be honest. Let the doctor know how they make you feel. There are ways to help but that will only happen if you say something to your doc. You need to feel better. You deserve to feel better and be there for your family. Hope you will go back to your doctor and get things straightened out.
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replied March 19th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with both of the above. Seek some help and get started on a new road to sanity. Theropy really does help.
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replied March 19th, 2008
Experienced User
I too used to hate the medications they used to give to me. I had such a hard time taking them because of the horrible side effects. I denied I even had bipolar and i"ve been diagnosed with it by different doctors all at different times.
I'm JUST beginning to agree I have it after having gone thru 14 jobs in only a ten year period. I have four children who are now young adults and unfortunetly at the time I decided to have children I didn't know I had bipolar, therefore never knowing I could pass the genes onto my children.
each one of them have psycological problems and I feel so darn guilty about it.
they have it from both of their parents. Both their father and from my side of the family.
they're two maybe 3 are alcoholics and one has very bad social anxiety and depression.
to get to the point of the story.
I never thought I could get better. I really didn't see anything wrong with me till just this year. I"m now 47. It took YEARS of denial and suffering and my life being so darned discombobulated all the time, never knowing those are all common symptoms. oh, and not to mention self medicating myself.
after my divorce I got into snorting heroin, doing cocaine, drinking too much and I tried so hard to kill myself but failed. I woke up in a hospital restrained to a bed.
it was horrible.
the new drug I was just put on a month ago is working so well for me....so far anyway. the only problem I'm finding with it is that it interferes with my hormone patch I take for estrogen. I had a total hysterectomy in 2005 which means I no longer have ovaries to produce estrogen anymore. when you don't have estrogen flowing through our bodies anymore, some get horrible side effects of not having it. like me.
I started getting horrible hot flashes like I did when I wasn't on HRT.
so I did some research and I was NOT told by my psychiatrist that it possibly would effect the HRT either. I found out on my own.
but I"m thinking that maybe I can stand this side effect compared to all the others I've tried. this is nothing in comparison to the others.
you start off on a very low dosage so you don't get this life threatening rash and this medication does NOT make you gain any weight. as a matter of fact, it MAKES some people lose weight.
it's called LAMICTAL. My dr asked me what's the harm in trying it? and that I can always just stop taking it if I can't handle it. she asked me don't I want to feel normal?
My answer was "oh GOD YES!!!! I'm tired of suffering with bouts of rage and telling people off. the public, doctors, co-workers, my bosses, etc. you name it, I tell them off. I just don't have that inbetween space like others do. I'm either happy, or I"m not.
there is no inbetween for me. most think I"m such a happy person who would never speak out in anger. until they work with me long enough to see that I have another side of me. It's like Linda Blair in the "exorcist". LOL
I'm just joking. I"m not THAT bad.
so my answer if you care, is to try the medication and the therapy helps somewhat.
but you have to have a good repoir with the person. I don't have that right now. I was given a new one because my other one left the practice.
exercise really works, so you can take out your anger on that and plus it starts to give you energy so you can feel like wanting to get out of bed. it really works. I swear. take little baby steps if you have to. start off by going up the street and back with the kids. they'd love to take a walk with you.
before you know it, you'll be going longer and longer and getting more oxygen and blood flow to your brain which can set off natural endorphines that makes us happy and feel like we're high too.
all these things combined worked for me, so far.....
I really hope you find happiness or a place that you can find yourself peace and comfort. Good luck on your journey.
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replied May 24th, 2010
take vitamins instead of meds for bipolar
forget the meds and the pot. start taking a vitamin supplement called 5-HTP. 200mg should make you mellow. 300 to 400 mg and you will have to sleep. it's way better than the meds. no side effects and just a mild hangover feeling. you will be slowed down and tired but you'll have a more neutral to positive feeling about things. i take also vitamin C, B3, lecithin, and omega-3 with every meal. the best omega 3 you can get is from fresh fish like salmon, sardines, herring, cod or anchovies. if you don't have any energy and feel like fainting, eat a can of sardines, eat some sushi or sashimi. you'll get energy back in about 10 minutes after eating the fish. you can get some effect from eating turkey because it has tryptophan in it but not as good as the 5-HTP.
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replied May 24th, 2010
forget the meds and the pot. start taking a vitamin supplement called 5-HTP. 200mg should make you mellow. 300 to 400 mg and you will have to sleep. it's way better than the meds. no side effects and just a mild hangover feeling. you will be slowed down and tired but you'll have a more neutral to positive feeling about things. i take also vitamin C, B3, lecithin, and omega-3 with every meal. the best omega 3 you can get is from fresh fish like salmon, sardines, herring, cod or anchovies. if you don't have any energy and feel like fainting, eat a can of sardines, eat some sushi or sashimi. you'll get energy back in about 10 minutes after eating the fish. you can get some effect from eating turkey because it has tryptophan in it but not as good as the 5-HTP.
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