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Males with Borderline Personality Disorder

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I am trying to get in touch with other Male Borderlines out there. Just wanting someone to talk to and share stories with.

Seems the bulk of people withy Borderline are Woman who cant understand the male perspective.

Please contact me if you are or know a Borderline I can get in touch with.

xoxoxox

Brad
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replied March 18th, 2010
my wife is a corrections officer and said that 80% of the inmates(all male) have Borderline Personality Disorder maybe thats why you don't see to many. but this is Georgia we are talking about
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replied June 7th, 2010
Hi

I have been recently diagnosed with it! It has made my life hell. Like you it all came to a head at 36.

Do you want to swap e-mail addresses Brad?


J
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replied July 27th, 2010
Hope you are ok. Sent a private message to you last month but it hasn't been read.

I am still waiting for my CBT. A doctor told me i will always be like this and it scares me. I can't live like this anymore. I would rather be dead.

I am breaking down in tears on a daily basis.

Hope to hear from you

Graham
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replied July 28th, 2010
What is it like for a man with Borderline Personality Disorder, what are the symptoms?
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replied July 29th, 2010
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Hello Graham,

Sorry mate....I have not been around for a while.

How you holding up?

I believe that we will not always be like this. All the research I have done and the people I have spoken to point to the fact we can recover.

I am feeling much better then I was a year ago. I have not had any suicidal thoughts for over a year. I was having them regular back then.

Keep your head up mate and keep plugging away at the treatment.
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replied August 19th, 2010
My boyfriend has Borderline Personality Disorder....
I'm not a man, nor do I have bpd, but my boyfriend does. I know I can't give you answers to the questions you have or help you probably at all, but I thought I'd share a little, since I know it is rarer for men to have it than women. I also just got this book, "Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified" by Robert O. Friedel, MD, trying to learn as much as I can, too. It may help to know of another man that suffers from bpd and from my perspective, who knows, maybe I can say something that can help somehow.

My boyfriend is 31 and just found out about it a few months ago. He also suffers from bipolar II. Since he found out he suffers from bpd as well, he's been doing constant research, buying books and reading with a high lighter in his hand. For so long he thought he'd never get any control over his bipolar, no meds or doctors were helping, but once he found out about the bpd, I think it gave him some hope, inturn giving me more hope. There's treatment for it and it explains why just treating the bipolar wasn't working. It means that with meds and some real work, he can live a more normal life (whatever normal is, I don't know). He goes to a bunch of groups every week, sees his doctors every week, is doing lots of research, taking his meds as prescribed, and I think finally realizes that if he lets the people that love him support him, things will get better. For example, we've been dating for 14 months or so and he's disappeared a few times, sometimes for days or weeks, once for 5 months. Finally he told me to do research because I'd freak out. I listened and now have learned to calm down and relax. I finally asked him if we could set a day out of every week where he'd expect me with or without an ok-I thought he'd give me a big fat NO, but he agreed. We just had our first Tuesday and I'm so happy. I was very surprised by how willing he was to do this, but he was really all for it.

My point is, since he's been more open with me, I feel like I can be with him. My reasearch on bpd has shown me that blurting out every emotion I was feeling, every problem I had, every issue all at once was seriously hard on him, and I did the research because he told me to so I'd stop misunderstanding and thinking everything was my fault and thinking more might be wrong than there was/is. I have low self-esteem, so knowing him going for so long isn't my fault-it isn't that he just doesn't want me around anymore-truly helps me-it gave me more confidence. And it just strengthened the fact that he can't get rid of me unless he screams, "GO AWAY" in my face!

Support from family and friends is very important. So being honest with them is a must. Don't be afraid to ask and when you can't ask, make sure they know that you still want it anyway. When you can tell them, let them know that when you can't call or write or text or whatever, that it's important they are still there-because it is! I know that now-I've read it a thousand times so I'm not talking as some ignorant, frustrated girlfriend of someone with bpd, and I've seen it. When I go there and he's having a reallly bad day, I just lay down with him and I know this is comforting. And I'm a tired single mom and I've told him a million times I don't mind-he has a very comfortable bed to take a nap in and there's no one else I'd rather take a nap with than him!

So, tell them to do research-don't wait for them to do it on their own-not everyone has common sense enough to do that (like me). And just stick with it-he's really trying and just the trying I think is helping. And the research because it gives actual medical PROOF that you can gain control over bpd. The book I'm reading has all these fantastic percentages in it of people who have gained control of bpd, gone on to work at all these jobs, have families, etc. They're happy! I don't want to sound like a Dr.Phil special, but you can be to! I've been telling my boyfriend this all along and he's thought I was naive for so long, but now I think he actually believes me. I over analyze everything, and his emails and phone calls and when we hang out have been a lot more hopeful and open and just great. He still has quite a few bad days, but I think knowing that he's making a little progress and can make serious progress is perking up those really bad days at least a little bit. And now that his Tuesday afternoons are mine no matter what, I never have trouble making him laugh even on his bad days-even if it's just a 1/2 laugh, so now he'll get that whether he asks for it or not. By me understanding more, I think its really helped him. That's why you shouldn't be afraid to tell your loved ones to do some research-educate them-be their teacher-and if they love you, they'll do it. If they won't do it, they aren't worth your time and energy anyway, so screw them!

I just hope my 'answer' gives you something. And since its late (almost 3), if I missed anything, I'll reread this tomorrow and probably add more. I'm a rambler, sorry. It just seriously upsets me that some of you have no hope, because YOU SHOULD! It's hurt me soooo much that he's felt that way for so long-I seriously do love this guy and am in it for as long as he'll have me-and hearing you all say what you've said gives me a better idea of how he's felt and may still be feeling sometimes. THERE IS HOPE! Probably much more than you can see or feel when you are at your lowest, but many, many, many people have gotten a hold of bpd and are living good lives now, and many more would've if more doctors understood it better. So much research is being done, even for cures for bpd, but treatment can help. I know it probably feels impossible sometimes-a lot of the time-but on a good day or better day, go to groups, be with the people you love, do something you love, and for the bad days, keep some reminder around you bed or couch or wherever your 'safe haven' is that the bad will not last forever and it will get better! I've always believed that he'd gain better control of his life eventually-he thought I was naive for that because his hope was basically lost-but I'm right-I've always been right! I believed it before he found out he had bpd and since he was diagnosed with that as well, I know he knows I was always right, too! FInding out you have it isn't a bad thing. It's a damn good thing because now you know what's wrrong and you know there's treatment and help and you aren't stuck. I read that many people are upset to be diagnosed with bpd, but they shouldn't be! Once you find out what's wrong, you can start learning ways to help yourself-it won't run your lives forever-you can gain control and those bad days or weeks or months will no longer be so bad! Please, believe that. I've needed him to believe it for so long-now I think he truly does and you should to! I know me telling you won't change much, but hopefully I'll help somehow! I've wanted to help him for so long and I've just learned that I sort of am already just by being there-maybe somehow I'll make you feel a little better to. If not, sorry I'm such a rambler. My boyfriend says he likes my rambling, though, so hopefully you won't mind it either.

One more thing before bed-in groups they tell everyone about positive affirmations (if my spellings correct)-to tell yourself everyday that you're a great person, people like being around you, depending on the group of course. Well, he has trouble with that, so he's getting a tattoo on his arm of some saying he hasn't decided on yet that will basically do that. I think that's a great idea. He won't have a choice-he'll have a positive affirmation every single day for the rest of his life tattoed on his arm, like if a drug addict gets the Serenity Prayer tattoed on them somewhere. I think that'd be a good one for him, too, but he momentarily does not believe in God, so he'll never get that.

Oh, this will be my last thing. Just so you don't think I'm some perky chearleader or anything, I'm not. At 15 I got an abortion and became very depressed. Finally I got tired of waiting for my doctors (not all doctors suck so don't let this change your mind on treatment) to help, so I started doing drugs. Once I did heroin, I got hooked and the only thing that could stop me and did was finding out I was pregnant with my daughter after a really bad car crash that totaled my car. Thankfully she was alright, she's perfect, and I am now clean! I just thought you should know that I'm not the perky chearleader I may sound like. I actually believe I'm still depressed and have finally decided to see someone about that regardless of my 'bad' experiences in the past. I'm not totally clueless about hating yourself, hating life, not wanting to move, and every single day being a struggle to just get out of bed, take a shower, make breakfast, go to the store, even brush my teeth. I probably understand more than he realizes, and I've lost enough in my life to know when somethings worth holding onto-he is! And I believe with all my heart that he will gain control over this, just like I believe you all can! I know its easier said than done, but it CAN be done-let that gives you a little relief if nothing else! Good luck!
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replied August 23rd, 2010
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singlemom26

Thank you very much for your reponse.

I to believe that I will be able to get through this and live a "normal" life. I feel much better then I did 12 months ago. Have not had any suicidal thoughts for a while and I was having them daily.

I am currently on medication and see a psych once a week. I am finding as the weeks go by I am gaining more and more control over my emotions.

For the first time I see a light at the end of this very dark tunnel I have been living in.

Thank you again for your words.

xoxoxoxox

Brad
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replied October 7th, 2013
Well I am 38 and have been diagnosed BPD many times throughout my life.

My life has been very difficult, and very out of control at times, but in recent years things are much better.

I probably also suffer from ADHD, and depression and anxiety.

I am very tired, and about to go to bed, but I will leave saying that I should by all reasonable estimates be dead, but I am now grateful to my alive.

I have definitely had problems at the severe end of the spectrum of BPD. But I now have a reasonable life.

It can be slow, and set backs can occur, but with the right attitude and supports in place it is possible to make progress against this disorder.

Bye
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