My husband has undergone 12 months of testing for infertility and his diagnosis is "unexlained Infertility" I dont' think I've ever felt more depressed in my entire life! I have my good freind that I see every day and my sister pregant right now and they always want to talk about and I just can't bare even talking about it or even seeing a baby. We have been denied the most basic of human abilities and that's hard to deal with. I see ! And here we finally decide we're ready and our dream was shot down in flames. How do peoplle deal with infertility like this. I just need some support. I have no one to talk to about this really. I don't want my husband feeling like he let me down because it's not like he can control this but I do need to talk about it sometimes. Friends and family who know about our situation just offer us false hope and options we're not interested in like adoption and donors. Such a hopeless feeling right now...
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replied August 5th, 2008
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I'm so sorry to hear that. I guess all i can say is that you're just going to have to come to turms with it ( I mean that in the nicest possible way!!!) that's all you can do. You'll greave for a while and then you're going to have to pick yourself back up and carry on. Sometimes things in life are just not fair. We are all faced with things in life that aren't fair. Some more than others. But we have to carry on right.
You could try seeing a psychologist. Cognitive therapy can be quite useful.
I hope you start to feel better soon. xo
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Users who thank harmony1 for this post: Kaylynnsmom 

replied August 6th, 2008
Thank you for the words of support. I know I'll have to come terms and accept things they way they've been dealt to us. It will just take a long time to heal this knife through the heart but we'll get there. Thanks again
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replied August 6th, 2008
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I feel so sorry for you... I can't even imagine how you are feeling... I really think therapy might be useful.... It's a pretty big deal and they just have a way of helping you heal.. I wish you all the best....xo
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replied August 6th, 2008
hello
Hello, I'm really sorry to hear about the horrible news u got,I can imagine how u feel, my husband and I r trying for 2 years and just the thought of us never concieving kills me, I know I'm not the best person to tell u this,but all I can say its for u to be strong and support ur husband, its very sad not being able to have ur own kid,sometimes life its just not fair and things happen for an unknown reason, also I know adoption its not in ur mind but for the future I really think u should give it a chance nobody can take the right of being a parent away from u,I don't want to bring ur hopes up but sometimes miracle happens u just got to have to believe, I husband's cousin was told he couldn't never have kids, now 20 years married he has a beautiful 10 year old boy, how did it happen? Not even doctors know its was a miracle from life, so never give up, be strong look at the possitive side of life,try not to think about it anymore(I know it would be really hard) but u can do it, now that ur friend and sis r having a baby,get involve help them out, u gonna feel like a second mom. I honestly wish u the best, whenever u feel down remeber that nothing in this world is impossible. Take care and I hope u can come out of this with ur head up and loving ur husband more than ever!
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replied August 18th, 2008
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Many people being told that they can't have kids end up having them. And it seems like when they get to terms with it is when they get pregnat. Let it up to God. In the mean time remember what other have mentioned. Life is just not fair. And it is very painful because we have being raised with feel-good, politically correct teachings and we were never taught at school that life is not fair. Bill Gates told this at a high school in California.

You will be alright. And you will become a parent. Smile
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replied January 11th, 2009
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Hi... know exactly how you feel. My husband and I went through thousands of dollars to get pregnant. He underwent vasectomy reversal... no pregnancy. We then went to ICSI IVF... and thousands of dollars later... nothing. I still have moments of anger where I am mad at anyone who has gotten pregnant and aborts, anyone who abuse their children, etc. etc... because they don't know the gift they were given.

Be strong. I know it is hard. Did your husband have a vasectomy in the past? How old are you? We were told even though everything was perfectly normal, the docs suggested I go and buy eggs and use my husband's sperm, or that we could buy eggs and sperm, since my husband's vasectomy had not worked... whatever... made me so mad. At that time, i wanted a baby from him and I... not from whoever...

Anyhow, as my husband and I are not getting any younger, we have finally come to the decision to adopt so are in the process of that.

I hope you heal someday... maybe not now, but one day. The wound keeps opening for me some days.
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replied November 7th, 2009
just beleive in God and know you don't give yourself only god does and he created Adam who does not have parents and Eve who has father but not mother and Jesus who doesn't have a father. And you or me we both have parents so pray to God who is the giver. You'll not regret
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replied December 6th, 2009
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Kaylynnsmom, i don't mean to sound stupid, but have you prayed about this to God? you may not beleive in him, or if you do beleive in the God of the bible you should go to him about it.

He may not have chosen this time for you and you husband to have a baby, but it doesn't mean he won't give you one or some tomorrow, it's all in his good time.

I agree with nightangel73, i personally know of many many people that thought they could never have a baby, and they end up having 1 then 2 then 3 and so on, so don't give up.

I was reading in the bible the other day when God told abraham that he was going to give him and sarah a son, and sarah laughed.

That's how we are, we laugh at God in many many situations when they are to big for us to see around and to high for us to see over. But we forget there's nothing to great for God. So just go to him with this.

Remember Hannah? she wanted a baby son sooo badly, and did God give her a baby son? YES! he did.
So just because a doctor tells you you can't have a baby because of your husband, don't listen, God is the ultimate physician, and IF God tells you you can not have a baby because of your husband, then you have a right to get depress and give up all hope, but i doubt that will happen.

Just pray to God and wait upon him for this to take place if he see's fit, i've been in sooo many situations where a doctor tells me i can't and God proves them wrong by showing then i can because he's the source behind these things, not the doctors and not me and not so called mothernature, remember God of the bible IS the FINAL ANSWER.
I'll be praying for you.
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replied December 26th, 2009
DNA SPERM ISSUES...
Hello, i have been praying to God alot lately and in tears begging him to provide me and my husband with a family of our own. Am about to embark on our 3rd IVD/icsi. My DH has had a vac reversal, but has sperm antibobies 70% so we have to do the ivf/icsi course. As did not have any decent 8 cell embryos on our last 2 cycles my DH has had a sperm test that shows 60% of DNA fragmentation!! very bad we believe. PLEASE can you also be praying for us also.. I have cryed many tears and am trying to put all my trust in the lord jesus who is the way and our provider. He knows the desires of my heart and to have my own children is what i desire! I would really appreciate any encouragement if anyone has any and any advice/comments also!
thanks.
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replied January 2nd, 2010
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Re: DNA SPERM ISSUES...
mtjt wrote:
Hello, i have been praying to God alot lately and in tears begging him to provide me and my husband with a family of our own. Am about to embark on our 3rd IVD/icsi. My DH has had a vac reversal, but has sperm antibobies 70% so we have to do the ivf/icsi course. As did not have any decent 8 cell embryos on our last 2 cycles my DH has had a sperm test that shows 60% of DNA fragmentation!! very bad we believe. PLEASE can you also be praying for us also.. I have cryed many tears and am trying to put all my trust in the lord jesus who is the way and our provider. He knows the desires of my heart and to have my own children is what i desire! I would really appreciate any encouragement if anyone has any and any advice/comments also!
thanks.


I'll certainly be praying for you and your husband, i myself want kids one-day, although i'm pretty sure i have a few already, but their mothers never told me they were pregnant and just left with my kids.

I had one of them act like it was my fault, but i really never knew i had children, i have only seen one, i wish i could see him again, but their mother won't have that i'm sure.

I will be praying for you.

He looks exactly like my nephew, very very cute, i walk into a store one-day and i see her, he boyfriend and the little boy.

So i stare at him for a while, because i've seen him in the mall with her mother, and every time i tried to get a look her mother would rush him past me.

So when i saw him in the store with his mother, and her boyfriend i though, let me get a better look, because i thought it was her little brother or something, since i've seen him with her mother.

Well while i'm looking at this adorable little boy, she loots at me and says very angrily, yes he's yours, and i didn't get a chance to say anything because they start in on me, how they want me to sign my rights over to the boyfriend, i don't think i sign, just in-case he wants to find me one day.

And i think they are twins, so i wasn't seeing the same little boy in the mall with her mother all the time, it was his brother.

But i still haven't seen them since, and as for my other children that i've yet to see for myself, they say the kids look exactly like me, and the girl did tell me she was pregnant but then she up's and leaves so, i've never seen my children.

But i have had a mutual friend while we talked and his friend with him, they started to stare at me and then yelled with a loud voice, I KNEW I'VE SEEN THAT SMILE BEFORE!

And i'm like whaa? and he goes have you ever messed with such and such? and i go yea, so? and he goes, those are your kids she has, they look exactly like you, they have the same exact smile same eyes everything.

And his friend that never met me goes, YEA! they do look exactly like him, that's their father? and he goes yea.

And other's have told me the same, but won't tell me where they live, that goes for both set's of children, that's why i want children, because i want to be there when they are born and take care of them from the time they come home, i want to love them.
But now i'm afraid i might be starrel.

I would never neglect my own children, that's just stupid, but why didn't they tell me? i why did they hide my children from me? and is it possible to have not seen the signs of pregnancy?.

My family doesn't even know about my children, i truly wish i could see them, so i constantly pray about it.

So to you my sad friend, remember GOD gives us children, we actually don't make them, he does.

Remember Hanna, remember Rebeka, remember Rachel, remember Sarah, they are great examples of what is impossible to men is possible with GOD.
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replied January 26th, 2010
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@mtjt How are things going? i truly hope the one true GOD of the bible gives you and Kaylynnsmom and your husbands children.

I know it's a painful thing to go through seeing your family members and friends have children while you have none.
And that's where all the prayer and tears come in, it can be the hardest thing to ever ever go through, and it seems like it will last forever.

Also family can be very insensitive to this, they sometimes seem condescending at times, they don't understand what you are going through.

Sometime you do feel tremendous hate/jealousy towards family members that are pregnant, and also hatred towards family/friends who don't take into account that you might be in immense pain inside and you don't want to be bothered at the moment, or you don't want to talk about the baby your friend/sister/brothers wife is having.
You don't always want to talk about names for the baby, or take the picture of the baby and mom and dad at the hospital, you just want to disappear, and i know it can be extremely hard.

It's probably the hardest thing to go through, and you think it will never end, you just feel like dying.
I have no real answers for you girls, except to say, keep praying, maybe GOD will hear you, and ask for HIS strength.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU.
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replied January 26th, 2010
Common Hogweed (Heracleum sphondylium) may be a chance both for men and women in cases of "unexplained infertility".
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replied February 24th, 2011
Hey, actually they have a book out that can help a male or female out with their infertility situation. It helps you learn about your body and what it is saying through you being infertile.
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replied February 25th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
You would need support group and psychotherapy sessions like CBT.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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