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Major Depressive Disorder

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I just found this web site. and thought maybe if I write something I will feel better. I have suffered from severe depression for 41 years. unbelievable to me I am still alive. I am going through another what they call (depressive episode). I take antidepressant medication for this illness. I resently had an operation on my shoulder that made me miss my crazy doctor's appt. and because I missed it. they did not refill my prescription of my medication. so I went cold turkey for 34 days before I could get more. the side effects of having to do this. effected me severely physically and mentally. I have been able to take my antidepressant medication again now for 15 days now. the medication takes up to 6 weeks to build up in my system again. only now am I able to think again. the depression was so bad that all I wanted to do is die. so I slept all the time. day and night and only got out of bed to go to the bathroom. the sadness becomes so strong that I have to sleep so I don't cry all the time. I lose all hope when this happens to me. but believe it or not I am a Christian man who believes in God. and it is this belief that is the only reason I am still alive and haven't ended my life. I have prayed to God to take this depression from me since I was 15 years old. I am 56 years old now. God has not answered my prayers to take the depression from me. but he has helped me through it every time. I am starting to get a little better a little bit at a time. this illness has totally ruined my life. at least the way I wanted it to be. but even as terrible as this has been. I am grateful to God for everything he has done for me in my life and for everything he has blessed me with. for I truly know how much worse my life could be than this. so I hopefully will never give up and I will keep on praying for God to help me. but even if he never does. I do know in my Heart that he loves me. and that one day I will get to be with him in Heaven. so all I can say to all the other people who suffer from severe depression is too... never give up.
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