Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Lost my will to continue dating

Im not much for talking about my personal issues but after a few years of being single i still have no desire to get back in the saddle so to speak. To help you all help me ill start with the begginning but i must warn you its going to be a long read.


First off a little about myself. Im a 23 year old single male. Im Very often considered "the nice guy" despite also being told im a jerk. Im big on Teasing others but i laugh at myself more then anything. Everything i say is ment in good humor and i tend to be a kidder. On the flip side I have an Altruistic never say die complex and that seems to be the root of my problem which i will explain later.


I met This girl who will remain namless as i feel i have no right to reveal her identity despite the circumstances as my person code of honour will not allow it. When we started dating she was already 6 months pregnant but it never bothered me. She told me all the time how much it ment to her how i never treated her as used goods and such. Well the two of us moved to seattle washington and skipping ahead 2 weeks we got robbed of everything we owned down to the last penny. Only things we got out of that horrible place with were the clothes on our backs and the laptop that i never leave home without. Well we ended up stranded in seattle for another 2 weeks with no money and no job in one of the highest unemployment states in the USA. Needless to say things were bad. Now i did manage to find day to day work unloading boxes and such for cash in order to keep a roof over our heads and food in her stomach. Note that my altruistic nature sparked up and i was only eating a single hotpocket every 3 days in order to insure that their was money to take care of her needs as by this point she was VERY pregnant. Well our families managed to come up with enough money to get us home.

Skipping thru some of the best times of my life We get to the Birthing of my daughter. While not mine by blood she will always be my baby girl. I held her hand i cut the cord and i love with all my heart till this day. Skipping ahead another few very very happy months in my life we get to the start of the problems.

Her Ex-Boyfriend and blood father of my daughter comes back to our state. My Girl-friend vanishes for a week with my baby girl. I think its fairly obvious were they ended up. He leaves a week later and she comes running back to me. Yes she admitted cheating on me and i KNOW im an fool for not leaving her but i was madly in love to the point that i found ways to make it my fault. I must be an incompetent lover im not good enough i deserved this and so on and so forth. Long story short i forgive but never forget.


Skipping ahead almost a year..... It happens again. Once again im dumb enough to take her back because at this point im trying my absolute hardest to get her to marry me. Never in my life have i ever been so dedicated to something or someone. I still find ways to blame myself for this but its dawning on me that i dont deserve the heartbreak im getting. Once again i get over it.

In order to explain how/why we broke up i need to deter a bit and explain a medical issue that came up. I developed a rather large tumor on my left shoulder which required an operation In the end a 1 pound tumor and 1 and a half pounds of damaged/necrotic mucsle tissue was removed from my left shoulderblade and back. Needless to say my left arm soon became useless. Actually Gets even worse. Day after i get home from my operation i fall down the stairs and tear 3 layers of stiches and permenently damage my shoulder. This SEVERLY limits the jobs i can work.

Well we save up enough money about a month later and move in together again in what was probally the worst move in our relationship. After about the third week of me job hunting for a job i can actually perform it spirals down into months of verbal and physical abuse upon my person. Being the big pushover i am when it comes to her i just take it. Seeing as the woman i love and my best friend (one in the same person) thinks im worthless i must be. I begin to shut down completely. Despite this i manage to find Work unloading pallets at a local grocery store. I was not allowed to work this job By my Lady friend for admittedly good reasons. My shoulder never healed correctly and was practicly worthless and caused me discomfort to even carry my 9 month old daughter for any length of time. BUT i was prepared and happy to destroy my body in order to make her happy as me bringing money in was of the utmost importance.

Well as i said i was forbidden from working said job. 2 weeks later she left me for one of my friends and beleive it or not thats not the complicated part.


She's still my best friend and even after the years have gone by im still in love with her. I've finally realised that as much as its going to hurt me i need to take her out of my life as its not condusive with my mental or emotional wellbeing. But the problem still persists. Ive lost my drive to find anyone else and ive been completely out of the dating scene for a little over 4 years now.


Any advice on what i can do to get my confidence and will to be happy back?

Sorry for the long winded post but i must admit it felt good getting all that out.
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replied May 1st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I'm glad that felt so good to get out! You know, I'm gld you've decided to move on but I don't think you should give up. Maybe your just not ready yet? I broke up with my ex sometime a year or so ago (he did the same thing your ex did to you and more) and didn't want to date anyone. I ended up dating 2 people but neither worked out. I figured it was all me and it was only because I really didn't want it. I went out, had a good time and met someone who I am now with. I wasn't ready, or at least I thought I wasn't ready for a real relationship yet but it turns out I was just waiting for the right person. Moral of the story, don't so it if your not ready. Go out with your friends, have fun and maybe you'll meet someone. Don't completely take yourself out of the game hun.
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replied May 1st, 2008
Well when it comes down to it ive realized ive lost my confidence when it comes to women. My dad keeps telling me to "Get over the last female by getting ontop of another one" but he doesnt always have the most sound advice. Guess i just have to repair my ego a bit
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replied May 1st, 2008
Supporter
No. It’s not about your ego. You loved this woman, and she was too blind to see what she had in you. That is just such a pity.
She broke your heart and took you precious little girl with her. I can truly understand that you lost your will to date as the two of you had such great times together. What you have been through and the sacrifices that you made would ultimately bond you together, and now it’s just gone…

My initial response was to get you out there dating again ASAP, because I go through this forum, and all I see is women being treated like ***. Men like you are hard to find. But the fact of the matter is you are just not ready yet. You are still grieving the loss of your partner and your daughter. It took me forever to get over my first husband, and we haven’t been through half of what you and your girlfriend went through.
Hang in there. Eventually time will heal, and when it does, I’m sure there will be a lovely girl out there who will love and appreciate you.
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